Welcome to Ann-S-Thesia: Who is She?

1961 Born. June 30, 1961. "Mary Rose's Baby." The only child of two only children. Could this be the mark of the beast? Or just a lack of good old family values? (Oh, so you think I'm spoiled? I love being called spoiled by the same little ignorant snits who complained that I never had any toys to play with when they came over to my house.)

1967 Attempted Murder. After seeing numerous Catholic illustrations of guardian angels hovering over children, I decided I didn't want it for myself. Tried to murder my guardian angel, but never caught it. I don't think I ever had one.

1969 Heretic. Never memorized enough Bible verses in Sunday school to win a cheesy plastic rosary. Must have been Biblical dyslexia.

1970 Grade School Troublemaker. Drew a picture of naked President Nixon having an operation and showed my lunchmates, who thought it was a hoot. It was snatched by the principal and I was severely reprimanded by my homeroom teacher. (My best friend at the time had originally drawn pictures of naked ladies having operations, which I thought was rather uneventful, which is why I chose Nixon. She got in trouble too, for being in on my little joke. She cried. I didn't.)

1971 Homeless. Lived with my parents in a motel for 2 weeks in Colorado.

1971 Truant. Wasn't going to school while living in that stupid motel.

1974 Pornographer. Drew and designed a tongue-in-cheek Mad Magazine-style geriatric porn magazine. Mother found it and got really p.o.'d.

1974-1975 Problem Child. Numerous incidents in which I was called into the Junior High School counselor's office.

1976-1979 High School Freak. Did not take part in jock-like extra-curricular activities.

1977 High School Troublemaker. Played mean practical jokes on substitute Geometry teacher.

1978 Drug Pusher. When my art class was asked to paint and decorate tables in the art room, I painted a man smoking a cigarette, which was later pencilled out by the art teacher.

1983 Kidnapper/Thief. Took a promotional cardboard cutout of Perry Como from art building (part of a still-life setup) and refused to return it when discovered by professor.

1983 Witch. Exhibit "Helloween" at CSU gets angry reaction from campus Christian community.

1983 Politically Incorrect. Tormented foreign student.

1983-1985 Bad Tennant. Played punk rock at Deadhead neighbors; had pets when none were allowed (rats!); tormented anal retentive landlady.

1983, 1984, 1986 Vandal. Pounded nails in walls at one CSU art gallery where nails were forbidden. Nearly caused one old administrator to have a coronary.

1984 Male Impersonator. Snuck into a "Men Only" art show in a Denver Gallery. Was found out, ironically, by a collector of my work.

1984 Usurper of Authority. When a professor (see Kidnapper/Thief entry) of mine at CSU hung up an old painting of my boyfriend's (now my husband) that I didn't think did him justice, I swapped it for a more recent one when my professor wasn't looking. This was right before an opening for Willem DeKooning (who wasn't there anyway), and I was reprimanded all during the opening for doing that. It was quite a scene.

1985 Secular Humanist. Terminated from a menial job, suspiciously after I had gotten into a discussion with a Christian co-worker about how man created God.

1985 Unemployed and Food Stamp Recipient.

1985 Cruel to Animals. Unknowingly put two incompatible lizards in the same cage together; the big one ate the little one. This is the only infamous act I regret doing, and it still makes me sad to this day. I love lizards.

1987 Exhibitionist. At a solo show in a cooperative gallery, I exhibited a painting with an abstract penis in it. This caused an old prude to quit the gallery, followed by a succession of old prudes soon after.

1988 Bad Daughter. Got married at the Justice of the peace, much to my Catholic Dad's chagrin. I wore black to the wedding, too.

1988 Bad Wife. Decided not to take husband's last name.

1988-present Whore. I refuse to use my sexual organs for procreation purposes.

1988-present Bad Daughter-in-Law. I refused to have their grandkids.

1988 Blasphemer. A painting of mine, "I Danced for His Headless," a portrait of myself as Salome, was removed from a group show when the proprietor of the gallery decided it would scare off his Catholic relatives.

1990 Bad Citizen. Painted mural on retaining wall of my own house without permission from the city. Got involved in dreaded municipal bureaucratic red tape.

1990-1992 Bad Student. Never made the T.A. interview list at the UW; Disregarded professors' advice to work fewer hours at my job. (bunch o' hypocrites, them)

1990-1993 Bad Employee. Disregarded employer's wish to work more hours at my job. (bunch o' stiffs, them)

1991, 1992 Bad Artist. Was told my art looks like something that would be hanging in a Ramada Inn by a professor at the UW, and, by a poet, that it reminded him of something on the side of a car. Bite me, Richard Long!

19??-???? Bad Consumer. I refuse to stimulate the economy. I don't buy high-ticket items.

1994
Mentorless Rock and Roll Junkie. Cried forever when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Hardly cried at all when my favorite professor from grad school died a month later.

1995 Jezebel. When my husband's MFA Thesis Exhibit show got moved around, I got mad at the UW and tried to take on his cause, swore at them and worse, and nearly got him kicked out of graduate school and a sexual harrassment suit slapped on him, when it was really my fault. That's right, feed me to the dogs, Hrpthr Vts,rt. Fsm Ts,otrx. s;; upi nsdystfd. upi lmpe ejp upi str/ <d/ Nryyrmjsidrm. rsy ,u djoy. upi d[po;rf tovj noyvj/ (yes, that was an evil curse.)

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1961	Born. June 30, 1961. "Mary Rose's Baby." The only child of two only children. Could this be the mark of the beast? Or just a lack of good old family values? (Oh, so you think I'm spoiled? I love being called spoiled by the same little ignorant snits who complained that I never had any toys to play with when they came over to my house.)
1967	Attempted Murder. After seeing numerous Catholic illustrations of guardian angels hovering over children, I decided I didn't want it for myself. Tried to murder my guardian angel, but never caught it. I don't think I ever had one.
1969	Heretic. Never memorized enough Bible verses in Sunday school to win a cheesy plastic rosary. Must have been Biblical dyslexia.
1970	Grade School Troublemaker. Drew a picture of naked President Nixon having an operation and showed my lunchmates, who thought it was a hoot. It was snatched by the principal and I was severely reprimanded by my homeroom teacher. (My best friend at the time had originally drawn pictures of naked ladies having operations, which I thought was rather uneventful, which is why I chose Nixon. She got in trouble too, for being in on my little joke. She cried. I didn't.)
1971	Homeless. Lived with my parents in a motel for 2 weeks in Colorado.
1971	Truant. Wasn't going to school while living in that stupid motel.
1974	Pornographer. Drew and designed a tongue-in-cheek Mad Magazine-style geriatric porn magazine. Mother found it and got really p.o.'d.
1974-1975	Problem Child. Numerous incidents in which I was called into the Junior High School counselor's office.
1976-1979	High School Freak. Did not take part in jock-like extra-curricular activities.
1977	High School Troublemaker. Played mean practical jokes on substitute Geometry teacher.
1978	Drug Pusher. When my art class was asked to paint and decorate tables in the art room, I painted a man smoking a cigarette, which was later pencilled out by the art teacher.
1983	Kidnapper/Thief. Took a promotional cardboard cutout of Perry Como from art building (part of a still-life setup) and refused to return it when discovered by professor.
1983	Witch. Exhibit "Helloween" at CSU gets angry reaction from campus Christian community.
1983	Politically Incorrect. Tormented foreign student.
1983-1985	Bad Tennant. Played punk rock at Deadhead neighbors; had pets when none were allowed (rats!); tormented anal retentive landlady.
1983, 1984, 1986	Vandal. Pounded nails in walls at one CSU art gallery where nails were forbidden. Nearly caused one old administrator to have a coronary.
1984	Male Impersonator. Snuck into a "Men Only" art show in a Denver Gallery. Was found out, ironically, by a collector of my work.
1984	Usurper of Authority. When a professor (see Kidnapper/Thief entry) of mine at CSU hung up an old painting of my boyfriend's (now my husband) that I didn't think did him justice, I swapped it for a more recent one when my professor wasn't looking. This was right before an opening for Willem DeKooning (who wasn't there anyway), and I was reprimanded all during the opening for doing that. It was quite a scene.
1985	Secular Humanist. Terminated from a menial job, suspiciously after I had gotten into a discussion with a Christian co-worker about how man created God.
1985	Unemployed and Food Stamp Recipient.
1985	Cruel to Animals. Unknowingly put two incompatible lizards in the same cage together; the big one ate the little one. This is the only infamous act I regret doing, and it still makes me sad to this day. I love lizards.
1987	Exhibitionist. At a solo show in a cooperative gallery, I exhibited a painting with an abstract penis in it. This caused an old prude to quit the gallery, followed by a succession of old prudes soon after.
1988	Bad Daughter. Got married at the Justice of the peace, much to my Catholic Dad's chagrin. I wore black to the wedding, too.
1988	Bad Wife. Decided not to take husband's last name.
1988-present	Whore. I refuse to use my sexual organs for procreation purposes.
1988-present	Bad Daughter-in-Law. I refused to have their grandkids.
1988	Blasphemer. A painting of mine, "I Danced for His Headless," a portrait of myself as Salome, was removed from a group show when the proprietor of the gallery decided it would scare off his Catholic relatives.
1990	Bad Citizen. Painted mural on retaining wall of my own house without permission from the city. Got involved in dreaded municipal bureaucratic red tape.
1990-1992	Bad Student. Never made the T.A. interview list at the UW; Disregarded professors' advice to work fewer hours at my job. (bunch o' hypocrites, them)
1990-1993	Bad Employee. Disregarded employer's wish to work more hours at my job. (bunch o' stiffs, them)
1991, 1992	Bad Artist. Was told my art looks like something that would be hanging in a Ramada Inn by a professor at the UW, and, by a poet, that it reminded him of something on the side of a car. Bite me, Richard Long!
19??-????	Bad Consumer. I refuse to stimulate the economy. I don't buy high-ticket items.
1994	Mentorless Rock and Roll Junkie. Cried forever when Kurt Cobain killed himself. Hardly cried at all when my favorite professor from grad school died a month later.
1995	Jezebel. When my husband's MFA Thesis Exhibit show got moved around, I got mad at the UW and tried to take on his cause, swore at them and worse, and nearly got him kicked out of graduate school and a sexual harrassment suit slapped on him, when it was really my fault. That's right, feed me to the dogs, Hrpthr Vts,rt. Fsm Ts,otrx. s;; upi nsdystfd. upi lmpe ejp upi str/ <d/ Nryyrmjsidrm. rsy ,u djoy. upi d[po;rf tovj noyvj/ (yes, that was an evil curse.)