This time I’m not discussing anything technical. It’s a social phenomena I have comments on. It’s about the word friendship, and what it means to me, and what it seems to mean in modern society. All Biblical references aside, (i.e., “a greater gift hath no man than this, that he lay his life down for his friend”), friendship to me does denote a degree of commitment upon the part of both parties.

People throw the term friend around very loosely in conversation. They have work friends, school friends, friends at church, friends they share hobbies with, etc., etc., etc. But my challenge to you is, are these people really friends? Or social acquaintances?

It’s kind of like that social nicety, the return greeting, “How are you?” How many people really want to know how you are or are prepared to stand through a lengthy reply? You are expected to answer with another social nicety, the “I’m fine, and you?” and just go about your business. In my own social circle have I broken people of the habit of social niceties by answering their questions to me openly and honestly. If you don’t want to know how I am, don’t ask me. Similarly, however, I am always willing to lend a sympathetic ear to people, I still ask “How are you?” But I’m prepared to be supportive and listen if the people need someone to talk to.

Back to friendship, however. Let me give you an example of what friendship means to me. A friend is someone that you care about as much (or more) as family, but you’re not related to them in any way. Friendship could mean getting up at 3 a.m. to go bail someone out of jail because they had a minor misunderstanding with a traffic cop, etc. You might not approve of their action, but you’re willing to stand behind them in their hour of need. That doesn’t mean, however, if they develop a pattern of self-destructive behavior, that you have to continue being their friend.

A friend will get off the couch from watching soap operas to drive downtown and give you a ride home when your car breaks down. Friends sit up all night with you when you break up with a significant other, even though they know that they’ll be beyond tired the next day at work. These are just a few examples of what friendship is. And the last is, a friend will loan you $100 with no questions asked because they know your friendship is more valuable than money. I never expect to get money back that I loan to someone, and if I can’t afford to give them the money, I don’t. But, if they disappear after the gift, I find myself fortunate to learn early on how cheaply they sold their friendship. In my thinking, it’s better to lose, $30, $40, $100 than to call upon someone for help and have them leave you flat.

Keeping these things in mind, and bringing things into perspective, tell me this, how many friends do you really have? Is Fred, your bowling partner really your friend? Or just a guy that is fun to hang out with on Wednesday night? I think you’ll come to realize that I am probably right, and that people throw the term friend about much too hastily. I have dozens of acquaintances, but only a handful of friends.