Motherhood

IÃm supposed to write about being a Mother. I can think of lots of things to write when IÃm in the car or cleaning the house, but now? Nothing. I guess what I have to say is that I really feel crappy when I tell some one that IÃm a mom and they just shake their head in sympathy. Part of it is my fault: It seems like every time I say it IÃm apologizing. œWhat do you do?” œOh, I just stay home and care of my daughter.” œOh.” Why canÃt I stand up and be proud of who I am and what I do? I like being a mom. IÃm pretty good at it. I do other things too, but being a mom is supreme to me. Sometimes I donÃt even tell them IÃm a stay-at-home-mom. I tell them IÃm a student, which I am. ItÃs really stupid, I donÃt know why I feel embarrassed about doing the hardest job in the world: not raising a psychopath. Now, IÃm not saying that woman who work are raising psychopaths, on the contrary, I think that they are pretty amazing. I just know my own limits. I know that I canÃt be a full time Mom, a full time Student, AND a full time Employee. ItÃs just that IÃm sick of my choice of profession being a party-killer. I feel this struggle with in me. On one hand I know that I want to be home with my daughter. I live for her. On the other hand, IÃm a Graphic Designer, just starting out in my field. My ultimate desire would be to stay home and entwine my three passions: Art, Writing, and Children. I want to write and illustrate childrenÃs books. I know that itÃs within me. I know that I can do it and still be there for my daughter, and, eventually, my other children. I just feel lost right now. I guess IÃve been home too long, I feel like IÃm not good enough to do this thing, this dream. How can I find my peace and actually do this thing that I love passionately? I donÃt know. I may never know. I only know two things: I love my family and I am a strong woman. ThatÃs all you really need to know, I guess

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