She had been waiting for nearly six months. Any other would have returned home by now; she would have done the same had she not known what awaited her there. The emperor didn't seem very inclined to turn her away either, so why not stay and enjoy it while she could? No reason not to, she had supposed. The emperor was bound to see her... eventually.

And now, after so long, he had finally called for her. She had received a notice early in the morning that she was requested to attend a formal audience later in the afternoon. Nuriko couldn't help sighing with relief as she fell back on to the couch - "Finally! It took him long enough!" she said out loud. Finally all her waiting would pay off.

The day was spent getting ready for an audience that in most cases took only twenty minutes, if even that. Her hair was washed and brushed until it shone with blue and violet highlights; her finest robes were cleaned and pressed neatly. She couldn't help a bitter smile at her maidservants' expressions when she refused their assistance and chose instead to dress herself - alone.

It was as her hair was being pulled back into a violet-touched braid that the emperor's servant came to fetch her. With feminine elegance achieved only through regal bearing and a lot of practice, Nuriko followed him down the corridors, flanked by her maidservants who chattered softly between themselves. As she stepped out into the receiving hall, a murmur ran through the crowd, bringing a smile to her lips. With or without her secret, she was more beautiful than any maiden that had graced the emperor's halls.

Nuriko held her head high as she ascended the stairs, then dropped to her knees, brushing her robes behind her so that they wouldn't gather unseemly. "Most honorable emp-" she started to say, raising her eyes to look at him, then stopped abruptly in midsentence, choking on her words.

He was... beautiful! There was no other word for him. The emperor lounged on his dais, his robes made of the finest silk and died a rainbow of colors. His eyes seemed to gaze straight into her, maybe even through her; his irises were molten, like the liquid of a firemountain's bowels or metal in a pot, waiting to the blacksmith to give it form. The emperor's face betrayed his young age, but Nuriko felt as if she had known him all her life.

She was in love.

It took her a few moments to realize that he was regarding her patiently, a corner of his lips quirked up with mild amusement. Flustered, Nuriko bowed low, her forehead nearly touching the floor, and scrambled for words. "Sumimasen, Emperor-sama! Watashi wa Kourin... Mata no na wa Nuriko to moushimasu," she added on impulse, sounding dreadfully shy.

He chuckled softly, making Nuriko's heart skip a beat. "Konichiwa, Nuriko-san," he said, sounding as if he were used to this sort of reaction. "I apologize for the delay in meeting you. Things have been very hectic of late."

"Daijobu, Emperor-sama, daijobu!" Remembering herself, Nuriko smiled at him coyly. "I am a very patient woman... No trouble at all." With his responding kind smile Nuriko banished all memory of the last six months that attested to the exact opposite from her mind.

"I'm glad to hear it. I wonder, Nuriko-san, if -- eh?" The Emperor stopped as an attendant ran up to the dais and, bowing low and murmuring frantic apologies, started muttering to him in hurried tones. The kind smile soon vanished from his face, replaced with a frown, and the Emperor rose to his feet.

Expression grim, he turned to Nuriko. "Sumimasen, Nuriko-san. I am afraid I'll have to cut this meeting short. Something has arisen that requires my immediate attention."

Feeling her heart sink into a puddle of ice-cold nothingness, Nuriko lowered her gaze to the floor. "Daijobu, Emperor-sama. I do not mind," she whispered.

But he was already gone.

Nuriko did not attend dinner that evening. It was just as well, for the Emperor didn't invite her. He will probably forget about me before the night is over, she thought unhappily. If he has not already. I may wait another six months (or more!) before He thinks to summon me again and by then He will have Himself an empress!

But the thought brought a soft smile to her lips despite her sour mood. What was she thinking? Her, an empress? She giggled in spite of herself.

It was a pleasant thought but ultimately a doomed one. There was no way she could become an empress, to Him or otherwise. If she were given even half an opportunity she could woo Him, seduce Him, and make Him love her... but soon He, like all the others, would know her secret. Her dreadful, terrible secret.

Nuriko, you see, was a man.

She gazed out the window, watching the sunset paint a watercolor of reds and blues across the sky. Her arms were tight around her, wrapped in a self-hug. Could he love her knowing that it was only her mind that was female and not her body? That she would never have a welcoming bosom or be able to place a son or daughter in his open arms?

She could love him as genuinely and as openly as any woman, but could he return the favor?

Probably not.

Nuriko sighed wistfully and closed his eyes, not all that surprised to feel a tear slip down his cheek. When he opened them again the stars were beginning to show, twinkling softly against the evening sky. I could set aside my manhood for him, he found himself promising the cheerful stars. If you give me a chance, I could be just as good an empress as any woman! If you just give me chance...

The constellation Suzaku danced in the sky, reflected in Nuriko's eyes. "I would set aside my manhood for him," s/he whispered to the star-outlined phoenix. Somehow saying it out loud made his/her promise seem more tangible, more real. Unbidden, a smile crept to his/her lips.

Satisfied, Nuriko turned away from the window and retreated back to her room.