October10th, 1998

	. I've never been particularly fond of rollercoasters. A drama queen, yes, but I am easily exhausted by emotional highs and lows caused by outside influences. I am spending my days on the verge of tears, knowing there is nothing we can do but wait for the biopsy. The fact that he is a pathologist and knows exactly what it all means does nothing to assuage the feelings of helplessness that slip through the gaps in the conversation. He...they...mean so very much to us. . More friends than family, more family than family. . The anxiety of waiting is not helped by this latest news. An offer of tenure was the last thing on his mind when he was called up to the department head's office. Actually, the only thing running through his mind was packing up our lives and driving to the airport. . And now, this. . I want to be supportive, and I want to tell him that I can see a future here. I wouldn't be lying...so why do the words catch in my damn throat? I don't know how to react. This threat looming over our loved ones reminds us in the most obvious manner just how very temporary it all is. . So how can I possibly discuss lifetime employment? . siempre, Shy . Addendum: it was contained, they were able to operate, he is recovering nicely...and I still have no idea what to say about the possibility of spending the rest of my days in Gifu, Japan. Copyright SMQ 1998

or perhaps...