The Walsh Page This is my webpage. I guess I need it to keep this e-mail account. It's fine with me, really, but I'm not quite sure what to say about it. So, anyone who is here is probably an acquaintance of mine, seeing as there's really no reason for anyone else to be here at all. Unless you've just typed in the wrong URL, and I can understand that--Geocities URLs can be quite confusing at times. For those of you who have just done this: check your URL again. Or, if you're really interested, keep going. But I don't know how much it will interest you. With that in mind, I will continue as if anyone who is here knows me. Welcome to my little oasis from such topics as "Virtual Groping" and other such nonsense. Hey, who wants to chat with John Tesh??? Huh? C'mon, all of you...get off my page! No, I shall devote this page to the highest standards of journalism. All scandal shall be relegated to the realm of my own little life. No cruise missiles shall hit any targets in these headlines (unless I REALLY piss someone off). And do you all REALLY want to know what I ate for breakfast? Well, you can always ask me. But you can probably also read it here, since my life never changes...not until I'm gone to college. Editorial: Today, we take a look at undying devotion, although we may spend a good deal of our time digessing. Yes, undying devotion. What happens to those self-proclaimed number-one fans of an actor or a band when that actor or band falls off the face of the earth? Do they bring flowers to the rehab clinics? Do they call up their radio stations each day at 6pm and request "that one song" or rent the same movie every night? Undying devotion can be a dangerous thing. But let's take a look at that. Undying devotion seems to be a concoction of human beings wishing to make life seem more sincere. Since early times, we have romance novelists and poets writing about ideals. All of these ideals. So the wife of the fish peddler goes down and buys a book, sees all these beautiful words, and just has to apply them to her own life. Well, what if her husband isn't the muscled, devoted gentleman that his counterpart in the book is? What if he comes home drunk, beats her, and goes to the local house of ill-repute several times a month? Well, in those times, she can't divorce him, and so she imagines. She imagines about life in those wonderfully-written ideals she reads. People aren't infallible, and things don't stay the same forever. Undying devotion is a difficult thing to maintain if the object of said devotion changes his or her outlook or behavior. But people want to believe. That housewife wants to believe that she has those beautiful words and feelings in her own life. Life can be a very dangerous thing sometimes. Many of us don't have a great deal of personal experience with devotion. Trouble is, we can read all about devotion and love and happiness in any vast number of books in the local library. We can see it in techincolor every night on two hundred different channels of television. We can hear it spelled out for us by seventeen hundred different recording artists who have come up with a catchy tune. We can compare now. But we don't know. And of course people desire to feel like they have a purpose in life. Perhaps that purpose is in following (him/her/whoknows) to the ends of the earth. We don't have the personal experience, in many cases, to make an appropriate judgment call. But personal experience hurts. We make mistakes!! We have troubles we must resolve in one way or another. It's easier for us to just take somebody's word for it when it comes to purpose, devotion, and so forth. But as people, we often make more mistakes when we compare our situation to those romantic stories. Who wants to endure a life fraught with all sorts of inexplicable pain? Probably nobody. But by listening solely to those books and movies and songs, we try to transfer the template of ideal romance or ideal people to whatever situation may be slightly analagous in our own lives, and the transfer, more often than not, is imperfect. That's the funny thing about personal experience. It's different for each person. As people we are not going to discover who we are by comparing our lives to something another person has written. Life is too multi-faceted for that to work. As people, we need to strive to understand ourselves on our own terms, rather than trying to believe that we are just like some character created by some stranger. TOP STORIES: Population of World, School, Social Circle Total Strangers to Local Boy Paradise, CA--After a period of frowning and sulking, Paradise resident and high school junior Jeremy Walsh asked, "Who the fuck ARE you people?" authorities reported Friday. This move comes after an eventful week in affairs outside of Paradise, including continued bombing of Kosovo and the massacre of students in Colorado. Many people suggest that this shocking outburst was actually a reaction to the shock felt from these events. When questioned, Walsh simply said, "Who the fuck ARE you?" and walked off. He declined to comment further. As of this time, there has not been any answer to his question. In a related story, several local high school students reportedly came to school dressed in extravagant, 19th century gowns in accordance with a town tradition, while others moved their mouths and danced to music in a lunchtime contest for money and popularity. It was also reported that several male students had trouble hitting the urinals in the bathrooms with their books and their heavy, booted feet. When questioned about this sudden lack of coordination, an unidentified boy said, "well, we WERE pretty stoned, and besides, we were all used to trashing towel dispensers." The boy went on to promise a stronger showing the next time he had some unresolved anger. Lawn mowed at Walsh house--Authorities baffled Paradise, CA--In a late breaking story, word has just been received that the lawn in the backyard of the Walsh house was discovered mowed today at approximately 4:00pm, signifying the first signs of life from within the house in years. Optimists suggest that perhaps the landscaping will continue and expand into other regions, such as cleaning the garage. This news comes after the landmark event last Saturday, when several unidentified individuals stormed the house and threw out several plastic trash bags worth of material from inside the house. Authorities still have no leads as to who the vigilantes were. Psychologists suggest that perhaps there was a break from the local sanitarium, and the fugitives, perhaps obsessive-compulsive in nature, found the property irresistible. No other postulations have emerged even remotely plausible. One witness reported that the father was outside for half an hour with the lawnmower. Many investigators are shocked by this announcement; nobody had suspected there was a lawnmower anywhere on the premises. Walsh Skips Breakfast, Arrives at College Connection Meeting an Hour Early Paradise, CA--Jeremy Walsh did not have time to eat breakfast before he left the house to attend an academic meeting Friday, according to sources. Apparently, through some error on the part of a yet unnamed individual, he was informed that his meeting was at 10:00 when it was actually scheduled for 11:00. Field reporters on the scene followed the Walsh family the Colonial Coffee and Tea Company on nearby Clark Road, where Walsh and his parents were seen entering. It was reported that he ordered a "caffe mocha" and a "blueberry muffin." It is not known at this time if he finished either of these items, as reporters were quickly escorted off the premises. The family was then seen returning to the school, where the supposed meeting took place for about an hour. It was reported that the Walsh family was seen at Round Table Pizza for lunch, but there is not enough evidence to support that statement. TALK TO ME Have I missed something important from my own life? Remember something that I haven't? Just wanna chew the fat? Well, here it is, folks! The one and only (for now) address! Contact me at: jeremywalsh@oocities.com