Now that I'm writing columns, I realize that I'm probably going to make some enemies. It's not that I try to alienate others; some people just don't seem to be able to handle me.

Since it's inevitable that people are going to hate me, I've decided to get that out of the way early by discussing perhaps the touchiest subject of all: religion.

When asked, I say that I'm an atheist-agnostic. I don't know if there are gods out there or not. If there are, though, I'm pretty sure they're not the ones I've ever heard described.

I've heard all the dogma, and, honestly, none of it makes any sense to me. Somewhere, religious teachings always start contradicting what I've learned through my own experience. Whenever I ask questions, I get the same generic answers, and those answers usually boil down to the concept of faith.

Faith is the foundation of every religion, whether that religion is a worldwide institution or a 12-member cult. Without faith, religion couldn't exist: there'd be no reason to believe any of it.

To an outsider (read: one without faith), any religious dogma sounds like misguided, heretical hogwash. It's the same whether that outsider's a Muslim looking at Hinduism, a Baptist looking at Lutherans, or the ATF looking at David Koresh.

Why would that be? Because all religions are basically the same. Sure, the details are different; even some of the fundamental guidelines are different. But all religions attempt to serve the same basic function: bringing comfort to people's lives.

The way I see it, most people need religion for the same reason that some people keep guns in their dresser drawers: to feel safe. They don't want to be overwhelmed by the chaotic world around them, so they latch onto the theory that there's someone powerful looking out for them.

As nice as that sounds, I just don't buy it. God didn't create man; man created God. Ancient thinkers needed a way to explain the universe, and theism was all they could come up with. Now that science has reached the point that we don't really need mythology to explain the world, everyone sticks with God because the idea's so much cozier than the alternative.

I don't like the thought of permanent death, either. The concept that death leads only to decay is frighteningly annoying, but at least it's a concept I can understand.

I've heard people say that they can feel God's presence in their lives, helping to guide them spiritually and filling them with a bliss unknown. Feelings like that are common to all faiths (which seems to contradict the bigotry so prevalent in religious doctrine.)

I'm sure these people do feel something, but I doubt it comes directly from God. More likely, I bet these stirrings come from within their own minds: a sort of id-charged, superego-driven euphoria indigenous to those who have faith to spare.

Now, before everyone jumps to conclusions, I have to say that I don't look down on anyone for believing in God. Being pious isn't any worse than some of my defense mechanisms. If being religious makes someone happy then at least they're happy. I'm usually not.

Generally, I look at people's religious beliefs the same way I look at their politics. Everyone clings to their individual world-view and, out of necessity, ignores the inconsistencies. I do it, too. I just don't really believe in God.

Anyway, that's what I think of religion. Hate me if you will; pity me if you must. Just don't try to convert me, because I tried religion and felt more lost with it than I do without it.