by now i've been immersed in this funk of mopiness long enough that the amount of apathy in my bloodstream has skyrocketed. the levels have grown so high that a similar dosage could kill a small regiment of marines (but then again, those pesky marines always have to be up to something). that's okay, though; i've built up a tolerance in my day. i can cope. but as a side effect, i've lost all motive to come up with a topic for this week's sermon.

i'm preaching this week out of a sense of duty. you depend on me to provide you with these sermons each week, to give meaning to your worthless lives (or at least to give you the feeling that there is meaning). & with so many people depending on me, i couldn't let my malaise prevent me from writing at least something, lest you do something rash & foolish such as calling a phone psychic or reading the celestine prophecy. but if you're looking for intense analytical subject-oriented content, maybe you should check out the back catalog.

i've probably done this before, writing a sermon about nothing... in fact i'm quite sure of it. but do you think i care that i'm repeating myself? if you do then you don't know me at all. get away from me, you false friend. you don't care about me at all; you just want to be seen with me so your real friends will think you're cool. you don't love me. you just love my doggy style.

still here? maybe i had you pegged wrong. i didn't really want to be left alone anyway. maybe you knew that already, & that's why you stuck around. ooh, i'm so touched i'm gushing with juices! or maybe you yourself are a telephone psychic! i bet that's it. of course, then you'd have no need to call any phone psychics... unless your esp only works over analog telephone line transmissions. if it does, then most likely your magic mindmelding powers would probably work over the internet as well.

which inspires me to introduce this week's contest! since you're all superpowerful telephone psychics, i'm going to give you the opportunity to prove your abilities in a public forum, so that your name and skills will be renowned the whole world over. the contest is thus: tell me my future. predict what will happen to me over the course of the next week, & email it to me. whoever is the closest will win something downright nifty.

...insert pause while i step away from the pulpit for a spell. hey, i'm writing, but i didn't say i was devoted or anything.

(blank space added to simulate passage of time

well, it turned out to be much longer a spell than expected... about 24 hours. but no big deal. unlike for other sermons, i don't really have to concern myself with getting back into the proper mode, reboarding the correct thought train. the worst that could happen now would be if i suddenly had a topic where there was none before. the horror!

of course, all this makes this yet another supertardy sermon, even moreso than predicted. in fact i spoke to my sister briefly today & she complained about my lack of punctuality this week. she also complained about the morose tone of the past 2 sermons. but as i explained to her, i'm not about to lie to my flock, to pretend to be elated when i'm not hardly. there is no veil to hide behind here. i tend to pride myself on my honesty, so if i'm upset you're damn well going to hear about it. so there.

it strikes me that i've probably spouted enough text this week to meet the minimum rda allowance for a sermon. i wouldn't want to gyp you by giving an undersized serving. but as i'm so late already, i suppose i should rush off to post this, before any of you start suffering from withdrawal.