sorry about the dreadful delay. i was busy taking care of kaput!, the brokenmobile. i swear, sometimes it's like i spend more time trying to get that car fixed than actually driving it...

recently i've noticed a horrible problem consuming the people close to me. it's the sort of thing that tears people's lives apart, consuming millions each year. i don't normally like to do this, but it's for such a worthy cause that i feel i must. i'm going to cede the rest of my time this week to some advertising.

the chair recognizes the gentleman from the hospital.

Every year, thousands of Americans fall prey to the horrors of Internet Addiction. Millions of lives have been destroyed by the spiraling compulsive behaviors associated with this dread disorder. At Chatter Hospital, we fight to save the victims of Internet Addiction and those who love them.

Some of the warning signs of Internet Addiction are

• Loss of telephone access
• Withdrawal from family, friends, and the rest of the outside world
• Giving away prized social lives
• Using emoticons :(
• Being drawn to friends who use emoticons
• Behaving erratically, as if using emoticons
• Complete loss of spelling and grammatical skills
• Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
• Fear of all caps
• Using abbreviations such as LOL, IMHO, or BTW
• Loss of time
• Becoming agitated when not online
• Inability to log off
• Eye strain
• Getting online when alone
• Hiding Internet connections
• Getting online every day
• Talking of chat rooms

  Internet addicts frequently live in denial and become agitated and defensive when confronted about their problem. But help is available. At Chatter Hospital, we can help break the deadly cycle of Internet Addiction.

  And remember, if you don't get help at Chatter, please get the hell off the computer.