while i was outside smoking just now, brainstorming, beseeching the angel of nothingness for inspiration for this sermon, my father (who hadn't been home long) came out to tell me his schedule for the next few days. he too has work-related crises, & is working nights most of this week. that meaans he won't be home for dinner or even around too much while i'm here. i almost made a joke about that making him a "deadbeat dad" but i didn't (don't know why; probably because he's too conservative to laugh at that).

i just don't get the whole deadbeat dad scene, men who refuse to pay child support or even acknowledge paternity of their offspring. it doesn't mesh well with the whole macho/superhero image that a lot of men try to portray. (what's your superpower? "i'm sperminator! i impregnate women & then abandon them to raise my superbabies alone!") of course most of those mothers aren't entirely innocent either (they did choose to copulate with irresponsible men, after all). it's an old cliche, but it's true: stupid people shouldn't breed.

unfortunately, genitals are not something that must be earned. nope, practically everybody grows genitals, & eventually figures out how to use them in at least a limited fashion. that "limited fashion" is where the problems arise, like letting monkeys fly supersonic fighter jets... they might look like they know what they're doing for awhile, but if something goes wrong they will crash & take out a bunch of people with them.

i don't watch often, but the last time i caught the tv show politically incorrect, bill maher quoted someone saying "i don't people should be congratulated for spawning". i don't remember whom he cited as the original author/speaker but the quote itself stuck with me (& this was many months ago). reproduction is a basic biological reaction. add one part sperm to one part egg & boom! you don't have to be a rocket scientist (or even know what a rocket scientist is) to become (or get someone) pregnant. but as soon as those as that egg starts splitting, people start with the congratulating. that only increases the heartbreak if there is a miscarriage, or if the parents decide they don't want or aren't ready for a child.

(oh, if you're a friend of mine & have kids, don't worry. this isn't my way of saying i think you're bad parents. if i didn't think you were worthy of children, i probably wouldn't think you were worthy of receiving my sermons either.)

i really don't know if i ever want kids. i can see upsides, like imparting my wisdom onto a younger generation. after all, that's all the sermons are, right? i took the intern at work this summer under my wing, & that was rewarding (although maybe i just did because she was cute, not from a paternal instinct). on the other hand, i don't seem to like kids that much. i can't get through to them. i can't understand them & it irritates me. that's the same reason i didn't go into teaching: i would hate many of my students.

i have enough trouble dealing with the cat, & have the cuts to prove it. when i look at my limbs i feel like a veteran from a lame-ass war (this one's from when the cat pounced on me because he wanted to play. this one's also from a different time the cat pounced on me. this one's from the cat trying to play with my boot laces as i took them off...). & cats are pretty low-maintenance as dependents go. dogs are more trouble (there's one in the house, so i know), & children exponentially more. there's just not enough time in the day. well, not that i spend my free time wisely or anything.