i'm a busy man these days. not necessarily while i'm at work, but i'm definitely pretty busy when i'm not at work. not only has lander left me to mastermind the upcoming animals within animals release pretty much by myself, not only am i for all intents & purposes the bad taste factory, where all bad taste cds are manufactured, but my first ever in-town live gig is coming up in only 10-11 days... sat apr 14. so i have plenty to do, enough that you'd think i wouldn't even have time to chase after female co-workers (but you'd be wrong, because i can't work on any of that stuff while i'm at the office, so what else is there to do but chase girls, especially ones i never see?).

it's for this reason (not to mention the fact that this is an annual event that's taken place around week 34 for the past 2-3 years) that i am once again holding the "do my job for me" contest!

it's cheap! it's quick! it's simple! & it's the only sermon contest where you can actually expect to receive a prize if you win (just being honest, folks. please note that i have relinquished all responsibility for delinquent contest prizes in an earlier sermon). all you have to do is drop me an e-note (or if you prefer, you may drop me some e-rhymes or even some e-science) with your suggestion for what would make a sermon topic. there must be some issue important to you, where you feel you need guidance. or perhaps there's a deep secret conspiracy you've just been waiting to blow the covers off of. i really don't care, because it's your contest, so submit whatever. if you win (& my audience is so small, almost everyone who enters is guaranteed to win), i will actually write your sermon! imagine how proud you will be when you see your idea, with your name or screen name, used in my sermon! proud enough to put it on the fridge, i bet, or framed on the wall even. why i bet you'll be as proud as james brown when he found out just how many thousands of drum'n'bass producers have sampled his breakbeats.

it's just that easy! & in case you still can't grasp how easy it is, here's an example. lord nigel loserhead really likes elves. so when he reads this sermon (yes, this very one! the same one you're reading!), he knows instantly his dream of reading one of my sermons about elves can finally come true (perhaps because i mentioned him by name). so lord nigel loserhead clicks reply to this email (or clicks the link on the page if not a subscriber), types a short sentence like "hey writ eabout elfs d00d htey r00l" & sends me that email. if only a few people enter, i will be pretty much forced to write that crappy sermon about elves, no matter how much i don't want to (of course, that doesn't mean it will necessarily be a positive sermon about elves).

please don't make me write about elves. enter the contest so people like lord nigel loserhead will not be able to win.