Paul by Brian Cleary Cast (in order of appearance): Paul A guy in his mid twenties who is going nowhere. All other characters are aspects of Paul's personality. Antagonism Looks punk. Motivation In wheelchair at first, then like a speed junkie. Sloth Grungie slacker. Shame English-like refinement Arrogance Hollywood-like snob. Setting: Paul is sitting on the toilet in the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom. There are partial walls of the bathroom which do not obscure much of the stage. Through the door behind him, we see the end of his bed. The blue light from a TV is flickering off stage left. PAUL (To audience) I was at the gas station the other day when it occurred to me that no matter what I did, I was my parents. All my beliefs and prejudices and philosophies, I can trace them back to my parents dinner conversation. In fact, right now I'm trying to think whether or not my father ever said that he inherited his thoughts from his father. (pause) And it's not like I hate my parents and would never want to be like them . . . It is just a tad depressing to think that I might not be entirely my own creation. My parents weren't religious--I'm not religious. They were liberal--I couldn't be more liberal. Anti-army. Pro-NASA. Both were scientists. That's where I drew the line; I wouldn't be a scientist. I would be an artist: a musician. Yet I find myself sketching technical laser diagrams on the backs of jazz charts. (pause) What made me think of this whole business is that the pay-at-the-pump gas receipt said "Thank you for choosing Chevron." I replied, "I didn't choose Chevron. My parents gave me a card when I turned 16." The pump, as it turned out, didn't care, despite its previously warm message. ANTAGONISM Who are you talking to, Paul? PAUL This is one of my friends. He's a little cranky. He is the one who always suggests things to say to people who are... ANTAGONISM (cutting-off Paul) Stepping on your dick? PAUL (continuing) Giving me a hard time. I don't always go with his suggestions. I guess you wouldn't know what my father looks like, but he doesn't look anything like my father. (Antagonism looks bored) I've never really done anything. When I was in college, I had an old bet with my father that I wouldn't party--drink or do drugs. So I ended up have a kind of boring time. ANTAGONISM You were a social leper. You had long conversations with cafeteria and bookstore cashiers who wanted to talk to you as little as anyone else. PAUL But they were very nice. ANTAGONISM You were giving them money. PAUL (changing subjects) I'm not in school now. With my job at the book store I scrape by. It's easier with no... ANTAGONISM (cutting him off) Friends? PAUL (Continuing) ...one to support. A sickly man in a wheelchair enters being pushed by a slovenly looking man. These are Motivation and Sloth. MOTIVATION Why do we keep coming here? ANTAGONISM (Greeting) Sloth. SLOTH 'morning, Antagonism. PAUL I don't have much to do. I watch a lot of TV. After about a month at the bookstore, I got tired of seeing books. I never seemed to have that problem at the video store. ANTAGONISM More of his life sacrificed there than I'd like to admit. SLOTH (reaction to Paul's wasted life) It was great. PAUL I don't remember when my life ended. It was between high school and the end of college. While I'm uncertain of the date, I'm sure that the event took place. MOTIVATION (to Sloth) Can we go outside today? SLOTH Later Sloth sits facing the offstage TV, over using a TV remote. ANTAGONISM EXITS PAUL I never liked people; which, I would imagine, is why I know none now. I always thought that they were pathetic; that if was like them I would be pathetic, too. I don't know about them, but I know what I am. Yesterday, I considered putting a TV in the bathroom. It wasn't a fully articulated thought; the thought was not fully aware of the implications of what the thought was saying. The thought was quickly squashed by the deep personal Shame who rules my life. Well dressed, SHAME enters with ANTAGONISM who now has a volleyball with which to taunt MOTIVATION. SHAME (refined) Good-- (holds to look at his pocket watch) --afternoon, Paul. How are you feeling today? PAUL It's horrible that Shame is the most refined aspect of my being. ANTAGONISM (taunting MOTIVATION) Want to go outside today? Come on out! We could play a little ball. Run around. Exercise. It'd be good for us. We could do something with the day. MOTIVATION tries to grab the ball, but quickly requires oxygen from his respirator. PAUL (finally addressing the other characters) Hey! Leave him alone. SLOTH (trying to concentrate on the TV) Could you keep it down? SHAME Antagonism, let him be. It isn't HIS fault we never do anything. His dilapidated condition is totally a product of our environment. ANTAGONISM glares at SHAME. PAUL (defensively) I did what came my way. I did what was right. I didn't rock the boat. (dropping his head) I didn't do anything with my life. SLOTH (the great procrastinator) So? You're only twenty-eight. You've got time yet. MOTIVATION is trying to rise, or least show assent; but must quickly go back to his oxygen. SHAME (mocking) There is always time. You could be anything. You could do anything. You could have gone downstairs and had breakfast with your parents if you had awoke. SLOTH What'd they have? MOTIVATION (in a whimper) Move out. ANTAGONISM (sarcastic) Ya, just quit that job and take to the road. Come on, you can do it. PAUL Well, the job part is covered. SHAME You quit? PAUL No, my register came up about two hundred short. SHAME You stole. PAUL No! It was Harry, but they fired me instead. SHAME (with a shudder of amazement) You took the fall for an almost slight quasi-friend of yours? PAUL No, I tried like hell to prove he did it. ANTAGONISM But now you're out on your ass. SHAME Have you told your mother? PAUL Eat me! ANTAGONISM (in unison with PAUL) Eat me! PAUL casts a light glare at ANTAGONISM who looks away innocently SHAME What are you going to do? Don't even think to say that this now daily affirmation of what a pathetic slug you are is the first step in a new direction. Not until you breathe a little life into to old man Motivation there SHAME points to MOTIVATION who becomes rattled from the attention and goes for the oxygen PAUL I just need a little push ANTAGONISM releases the brake on MOTIVATION's wheelchair and sends him gently rolling. SHAME College wasn't enough? As I recall, your parents paid for all six years and you still moved back in with them. All that money was spent so you would leave. PAUL What should I do? SHAME First, you need to invigorate your Motivation; I recommend amphetamines (Pointing to Sloth) Then you must kill that thing there PAUL That is pretty sick. SHAME And if you do it, I will hold it against you for the rest of your life PAUL Not to mention slightly impossible since they aren't particularly real. SHAME Well, all you need is Dependence to slip your Motivation a little speed, and he'll be out of that chair. Then I can call my cousin, Self-loathing, to help you get rid of Sloth. PAUL What will this do to my life? SHAME (not really answering the question) For a stronger sense of dependence, you need to shift your immediate focus from living the rest of your life with your parents to an unhealthy obsession with something or someone. Chemicals would work, but too much, and you would lose all self respect and would therefore have no Shame--I'd disappear altogether, and I can't have that. I recommend setting unrealistically high standards for some girl out of your league... ANTAGONISM (now paying attention) That won't be hard. SHAME ...who you have never met; preferably a model or actress. With a little work, you could turn an unhealthy obsession into something truly sociopathic, like a stalker--(dreamily) perhaps even developing memories of a relationship the two of you never had. PAUL This is a good thing? SHAME Sloth will be dealt with after you fail to get the girl: A then vibrant Motivation will surely blame Sloth for his failure with said woman. If he doesn't, Self-loathing can persuade him to blame Sloth. He will then murder Sloth. PAUL How will Self-loathing be strong enough to convince Motivation? SHAME Lets see you spend fourteen months ruining the life of some celebrity with your constant attempts to "win her," only to later fail and possibly serve some jail time as a result, and not get maybe just a little down on yourself. FADE OUT NEWS VOICES (FADE into each other then FADE OUT) ...has apparently been getting threatening letters from... ...was arrested finally when he tried to slip a dead kitten into her... ...mentally incompetent... ...who lived with his parents... SLOTH screams off stage, then runs through the aisle pursued by a growling MOTIVATION. Both disappear backstage followed by a bone tearing NOISE. FADE IN PAUL is lying in bubble bath in a nice apartment. A now energetic and wild eyed MOTIVATION, a suave ARROGANCE, and unchanged ANTAGONISM discus Paul's future. ANTAGONISM I can't believe they asked a creep like you to star in your own story. ARROGANCE And he's worth every penny. We're a celebrity now. MOTIVATION Ya, were rolling, but what do we do now. Sloth is dead, but his brother Complacence could be upon us anytime. Or worse Uncle Lethargy. ARROGANCE We beat Sloth. Shame vanished. We repelled his twin, Guilt. ANTAGONISM Who would've imagined you had such a little conscience? ARROGANCE We can do anything. ANTAGONISM (to PAUL) Bubble boy? PAUL (to audience) I have no further goals. I'm a celebrity. I am, as you see, no longer in my parents house. I sold the rights to my celebrity stalking story, which I'll now appear in the movie version. I went on Richard Bey and said my psychosis was a result of bad parenting. I don't think my father ever burned his father on national television. I received slews of tear jerking sympathy letters from flakes about my talk show crap. I said that my parents had made me what I was; my feelings and beliefs. But I proved to myself that I could escape that. I could become my own creation. ANTAGONISM Who cares? BLACKOUT