How are you doing? how are you doing I'm fine, thank you. i'm fine thank you Why are you up so late? why are you up so late Because I'm a fucking moron. I can't believe I'm actually typing things into the computer so I can here it talk them back to me. This is my conversation and it's perfect. I've always wanted to talk to someone who's smart like me -- that means believes the same things line for line. I'm a prick like that. I'm really starting to believe that dissimilar belief's (from mine) are the result of poor logic by the befuddled masses. Like I'm so smart; I haven't figured out how to interact socially any better than a talking computer. I go through the same mechanical responses every time I talk to someone. I'm a parrot. I'm funny to some people once, the first time the hear me talk, but every sentence after that is measured not on the novelty of my ability to speak, but rather if anything I say is interesting. All the stories can't be jewels. They used to be, but not anymore at any rate. Jocks have their high school football glory days; I have the lunch time table and captive social gatherings at my house. At least jocks have trophies semi-validating their claims on lost prowess, all I have my stories, which friends are finally pointing out the glaring inaccuracies to actual events. It's amazing how much more important I thought my role was in every single social event that I consider formative to my middle teenage years. In many cases I apparently wasn't even present. Are events that actually happened any more important than those that didn't? You'd think so, but if the results are the same in my life then who's to say? beep beep beep It's five thirty three a.m.. The backs of my legs are sweating against my sheets. The neighbor's alarm is going off really loudly. No one has air conditioning, so the grinding gut wrenching alarm beeps just float from one open window into another. Even with the fan on (a way hip circa 1940's westing House desk fan I have sitting on my floor) I can hear it. or maybe I can't and I'm just imagining it. Either way it's keeping me up. It's so late that I'm considering not going to bed. Right. Like that'll ever happen. Typical.