Coming Soon-
Peter’s Drive-In- On the lost generation of Robotropolis.
Bahtalo Drom: The Lucky Road- My first of the Cascadian series.
The Wonder Years: the NEW series.
Stay tuned for the legal jargon.

You Never Can Tell
A Sonic the Hedgehog Songfic by Taryn “Jnco” Wander’r (tarynw42@hotmail.com)

AUTHOR’S NOTE- This is my first attempt at a songfic, which so far, I have only encountered in romantic slash fiction. It’s a short romance story set to a song. Hence songfic. Yeah. The song I used is ‘You Never Can Tell’ by Chuck Berry from the Tarantino Connection, even though it doesn’t really fit the mood of the story. Oh well. The fic muses work in mysterious ways. Also, I’ve managed to write a four-page fic with only ONE LINE OF DIALOGUE! Isn’t that sad? Send be feedback and tell me if I talk too much. Enjoy!

It was a teenaged wedding and the old folks wished them well
You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle
And now the young monsieur and madam have rung the chapel bell
C’est la vie, said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell!

Sonic was sixteen now. And lately he had finally found time to sit back and think about what he was doing. When Robotnik was in power it was one attack after another and Sonic constantly felt like he didn’t know what he was doing, if anything. Only two things were certain- 1. Robotnik was the bad guy and 2. His growing love for Sally.

It was unquestionable. Everyone who had been allied with the freedom fighters knew about the feelings shared between the Princess and the warrior, though some either disapproved or dismissed it as raging teenaged hormones that got out of control with lack of adult supervision. Now that it wasn’t a little bit of the latter, either. He and Sally had had sex before, when they had a little too much to drink, or when things got a little hot between them. But they had never made love. And Sonic wanted more than anything else, now that the war was over and his parents were back, to make love to Princess Sally Acorn.

And, for all his impatience and bad boyishness, he wanted to do it like a gentlemen. He wanted to ask Sally to marry him.

They furnished off an apartment with a two-room robust sale(?)
The coolerator was crammed with TV dinners and ginger ale
But when Pierre found work the little money coming worked out well
C’est la vie, said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell!

Of course the usual concerns had crossed his mind- after he was finished congratulating himself on such an original, creative idea that the object of his affection would fall for in an instant- like their education, and where they would live. The usual. Logically, one could argue that they could just stay engaged until they had finished school, and Sonic found work. It’s not like he was in real fear of being jobless anyway, he had lived in destitution all his life and had learned to cope with it. Besides, Sally was a Princess, even if not the heir apparent, not like he’d like to become king anyway. That was the least of the reasons he wanted to marry her. If she was a penniless, uneducated amnesiac hick from the slums of Robotropolis, and he had to work every day of his life for fourteen hours, he’d do it. In his current state, granted, he probably couldn’t, but that had never stopped him before. And when one weighed those concerns against his love for Sally and the feelings he’d have inside himself if he were never to ask, there was no contest.

Besides, it would work out. If myriad screenings of the same old real life dramatic movies that had been squirreled away somewhere in Knothole had taught him anything, it was that true love always conquered. It had for him. No one thought it would, either. When they thought Sally was dead, and they accused Sonic. Him! Sonic! Murdering his one true love? Like Sonic would be capable of murder at all, was what faithful people like Tails and Rotor would argue, but when an angry, leaderless mob gets an idea in it’s head, there’s no turning back. No one could have told you that Sonic would come through for the freedom fighters. But he did. Because of true love.

They had a hi-fi phono; boy did they let it blast!
Seven hundred letter records, all rock, rhythm and jazz
But when the sun went down the record table with the music fell
C’est la vie, said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell!

There was another factor to take into consideration, logically. The wrath of Sally’s father. Granted, Sonic was the nephew of one of the King’s oldest and dearest friends, but it was Sonic himself that the king would have the quarrel with. No one thought that the King held anything against Sonic himself, but it was that same no one who figured the King wanted his only daughter wedded to someone respectable, wealthy, and of nobility. That Knuckles fellow, perhaps.

There was society, too, logic would argue. People got nervous when someone of importance married below their class. The Terrans had denied Edward his rightful throne when he proclaimed his love for a woman who just happened to not be of nobility. Aida’s lover was killed over it, simply since he was a prince and she was a slave, although Aida was a princess in her own right.

There was also the age to consider. At least, logically minded people would consider it. Never mind that it was a sixteen-year-old that won the war, never mind that if the world was run by sixteen-year-olds there’d be no war, just a bigger emphasis on military apparel. Never mind that at sixteen, a person is legally capable to move out, quit school, or get tattoos or piercing or any job they want without parental consent, or that a sixteen-year old who murders is tried as an adult. Love is one place where a sixteen-year-old is still a child and is unable to make a capable decision. Legally, it’s possible, but society would frown on it. They’d assume the marriage would last a few short months of unadulterated sex, drugs, booze and partying, and then fizzle out, probably in domestic violence. Sonic really didn’t care one way or the other what people thought of their marriage, but his parents would. Uncle Chuck would. Rosie would. And Sally would, of course, if she were to maintain credibility as a nation’s leader.

And this was something that bothered Sonic, in the middle of the night when he was trying to sleep but his circadian rhythms were out of sync with everyone else’s. During the day, though, when he was around Sally and reminded of just how wonderful she was and how he didn’t want to spend his life with anybody but her, all that was thrown to the wind.

They bought a souped up Jimmy was a cherry red ‘53
And drove it down to Orleans to celebrate their anniversary

So, one morning, when the former freedom fighters were staying in Knothole for one reason or another, Sonic got up in the morning with the intent to ask Sally to marry him.

‘Well, surely,’ the logical part of his brain (wherever that was) argued with the considerably larger lovesick one. ‘You’re not going into this without outside consultation? Hold counsel with a friend, one who would be truthful, and think a little more. Decide if this is truly a good idea or not.’ Of course, that’s my version of what his brain told him. Who knows in what archaic language Sonic’s mind speaks.

And for once in his life, the fleet hedgehog took the logical part of his brain’s words to heart. He went to see Tails. Granted, Tails was much younger and considerably less experienced than Sonic, but he knew Sonic and Sally better than any of their friends, having grown up under both their shadows more than anyone else’s, and he was innocent enough to understand true love. Sonic cheated a bit in that sense. Tails would see the good and say go for it. He wouldn’t understand the hardships a teenaged married couple might see, the economics and such. And if he did, he wouldn’t care. Hell, he was left in a dumpster to die for all they knew, and he turned out all right. Tails wouldn’t understand the whole issue with the frowning upon of society. He didn’t understand things like war- he thought it was useless. Maybe that’s why he was the Chosen One.

So Sonic went to see his young friend, who happened to be playing jacks on the dusty ground at the time, and Sonic got what he wanted. Tails was overjoyed that the love and happiness that he could see surround the two was finally getting some credit in the adult world. After Sonic told him the few small worries he had been having, Tails curtly told him to place them where the sun fails to shine, in not so many words. He told Sonic that if Sonic felt right doing it, and there was no doubt in his mind that this was what he was placed on Mobius to do, then he should do it, without hesitation. You never can tell, the young fox said, what might happen next. Sonic nearly lost the Princess, he didn’t want to take that chance again. Marry her, and live together happy forever, and be spontaneous, and live life one day at a time, and then you may truly live. Of course, he said this in not so many words. Basically, Sonic took it to mean ‘party’.

Sonic smiled, and hugged the little fox, and sped over to Sally’s hut and knocked on the door.

It was there where Pierre was wedded to the lovely mademoiselle
C’est la vie, said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell!

He waited. Oh, aeons and eternities are no time at all compared to the short seconds of excruciating anticipation! Sonic liked his lips and rain his hands through his quill and paced, so much as one can pace upon another one’s doorstep.

Finally, after Sonic had run over the years in their future over and over again in his mind’s-eye, the door opened, and there stood the object of affection.

Sonic understood that Sally was not the most beautiful creature on the planet of Chaos. Sally had flaws and imperfections, as much as any of us do, and he acknowledged and cherished and loved these. Sonic had smelled sweeter flowers than the scent of her hair, the clean, clear power ring pool was a nicer blue than her eyes, and he was loath to compare her skin to softest velvet. It was rough, from years of fighting, and her eyes were deep and dark and sad and had seen too much, they made him want to take her in his arms and hide her and protect her from all foes. And her hair was constantly knotted and frayed, from battles and stress and sleepless nights, and it was always, always in her face, for she had no ties or clips to hold it back- a freedom fighter had no time for these luxury items. But it was her hair and her eyes and her skin, and her voice and the way she spoke, and the words she used and the determination, and the way she walked (with a slight limp and a defiant tilt of her head), that was a testament to their past. The battles they had fought together, lost together, won together, were written on her with faint scars. Emotional fatigue, which they faced together, was imprinted in her eyes. They had both lost things together, and found it again in each other. And that was why he loved her.

‘But surely,’ the logical part of his brain uttered again in it’s archaic, slang-ridden speech. ‘You are too young to understand why you love her, if indeed you do. An older person, with experience, would hold her flaws and her crooked nose and her emotional baggage as reasons not to be with her. What is so special about you that you can see past this? Is this a true good reason to commit the rest of your life to this, this walking testament of war and loss and pain? Think carefully, boy, you have your whole life ahead of you.’

‘Shut up,’ The other, considerably larger, lovesick part of Sonic’s brain replied. ‘What do you know?’

And as the rebel princess leaned against the doorway of her dusty hut, old ragged military boots landing with a thud on the ground, Sonic knelt. He bared the ring, a tiny, polished power ring, up for his love to see. And, hopefully, accept.

“….Will you marry me?”

They had a teenaged wedding and the old folks wished them well
You could see that Pierre did truly love the mademoiselle
And now the young monsieur and madam have rung the chapel bell
C’est la vie, said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell!

Hated it?
Loved it?
Wanna write a sequel?
Email me! I live off the feedback. tarynw42@hotmail.com

LEGAL JARGON- Sonic the Hedgehog, Sally Acorn etc all belong to Saga/Dic/Archie and not me. This is a fictional story made just for fun, and it does belong to me. The song ‘You Never Can Tell’ is by Chuck Berry, and I found this version on the ‘Tarantino Connection’. Feel free to distribute this fic as long as you don’t make money off it or claim it as your own, and as long as you contact me and tell me where.


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