21.march.99
Nothing to Happen Now.
There will be no poetry in it. It will be a stark slice of life. I wanted to go to the South resort with my former acquaintance. I have a chance to go there at half price. This is an Irony of Destiny.
22.march.99
I'm slightly overexcited, (I have read in my G-book kind words from ReplitW..k). I wonder my former acquaintance is getting more callous and more operative. Probably, it's not she but something connected with her. But judge for yourselves - I as a rule was very sound (healthy) person, and from New Year's Day I am in one or another degree of illness. For example last week my temperature was 0,6-0,8 C above the norm.
You can say how can I connect it with her. Ok. You remember I much talked about tripping-to-the-South-idea. She knew about it nothing, of course. I almost wanted to waste to her indecent amount of money. Now I can go to the sea, mind you, there is spring now and it would be warm weather there. And I can go at half price - what a temptation to call her! I even don't mind of refusing from her part. But it would be pity to her to loose this chance. (What a bosh! Why does she need to think about my parsimony?) (Here I want to increase impression upon saving money and lucky chance but have not knack for literature, so take it upon my word, I am at wits end about her (magic?) spelling).
You can say this is ordinary thing in fetching tours cheap. All right. Look. I begin to right this part 21.marrch in the morning. And in the evening of the same day video tape was brought to me with a view to the sea, and I was sitting and enjoying of sweet sound of the blue waves. Someone could get the shivers in his neck but not me. For ... years I have got to know what woman is possible to do.
And you can wonder she isn't doing much harm to me. Well. but she is getting doing much harm to other persons. Do you remember I talked to you I gave her a copy of this page? I'm certain she have read this. And do you remember I much talked about (well-to-do, fox-like) girl to whom I could be easily (from my part) marrying? Do you think she would forgive to her such fact? No, it is not her style. I don't want to say she is very vindictive on the practice but she has (or may be had?) much in common with me in the inner feelings.
But I afraid I must clarify situation. So it was one girl to whom I have strong sympathy. But she is (probably) lucky in marriage and happy with her husband, her students (she is a teacher in the University), and she is a satisfied with herself.
Not a long time ago it was an ordeal to me. It was the holiday named 8 March or "International Women Day". Some people have St. Valentine day some have Mother's day. We have "International Women Day" or simply 8 march. But we can celebrate every holiday. (I don't know why but many Moscovites like to celebrate St. Patrick holiday. I don't know what connects us and Irishmen so tightly but it is always parade on the main street every year). And St. Valentine is not public holiday, there are too few people in love, much few then people sick with flu. So 8 March is a real feast. And my former acquaintance used to tell that this is the most drunken holiday in the whole year, and that the most of tipsy people are girls and women. But the gist is the next - you (brave and noble of us, i.e. men), must to present something (presuming flowers) and to talk a treacle words to them.
So I should to gift something to somebody. (Ugh!) When I came in the Institute I have got to know, some wise guys already made a present to the women part of department, so should only to give them furtively my share, and after that say: "Yeah, good thing," when somebody from teachers was wishing to harp on boasting by this (partly my) present. But I felt twinges of my retarded conscience on the subject of that particular girl and my possible present or compliment to her.
At first I was glad to hear she was absent. But I was destined to know many things about life in that day. At the beginning I realized the staff called her behind her back on by surname. And in my country you can call by surname someone of your acquaintance only in the Army. This is disgusting practice. What for people have their first names? Probably all (ugly) people envied her. I don't know what the Envy in States is. I only know that people I met envied not to be better but envied only to destroy and annihilate all loveliness and self-reliance.
I can say the same even about myself. There are times when you forgot about male origin and become a Yellow Devil slave. Sometimes we need to see in others not their self-satisfaction, not benevolence, but desperate appeal. And when you see the former you feel no good feelings. Of course there is third state - pity and commiseration to others but it is the worst. Probably someone can stand it and even like it but I don't.
But let us return to that girl. When I was in the department room I heard she had an accident. I must admit I was glad about it in the dark corners of my (dark) soul. But can I ask you a couple of questions? What do you think the worst in accident? And what kind of accident would you try to avoid? - Right, there are only two things: first - pain, second - disgrace. (Do you remember the queen from "Once Upon a Time", when she said to the witch: "Make something funny with him"?) And she, probably the gem of the ladies, had it all. She slipped down badly and had to go to the hospital for some days. And if there were loafers near her in that moment they would have a great laugh at her because she fell down upon her... (I don't say ass. I say "the bottom of her back". ... No, I will say!) She fell on her ass. There is such thing as coccyx, which is a part of vertebral column. You can easily realize all what connects with vertebral column is connected with serious problem. (For example I don't afraid for my vertebral coccyx because I am making special exercises for my plexus so my coccyx is strongly deformed and in no danger from my future possible falls). But you see she had the hell of it.
And I even know how it happened. It always was amazing to me to keep an eye on her deportment, her never stooping shoulders, her never crooked spine, her never drooping chin. Chin! What was the cause! You must keep your eyes on your toes if you don't used to walk on the icy pavement. But She is used to keep her eyes on the road (are you forgot about her great sport car?) and never bend her neck. So - there you are.
There were temporary large lapses in my association with my former acquaintance but I always hold sacred 8 March holiday and present her surprises and so on. But this year I breached with her. I want to keep to the next rule in present time:
Never talk with girl, which don't intending to ... /kiss you, for example/ anymore.
It's up to your choice to decide am I right or not and will you believe in existence of something more or not but I decided to myself - there is NOTHING TO HAPPEN TO ME NOW.
PS: If you didn't understand something read also Something Happened