Love And Hate

Prologue

Painful Memories

I never meant it......

I always thought I could win

I should've listened to my brothers

When they said I couldn't.............

Donatello remembered those words when his brother had said them. He had been sitting on a roof top and looking at the stars as if he was trying to tell someone how he felt. He had never been the one to come out and speak about his feelings. He liked to hide them from everyone who ever cared. Don remembered his hot tempered brother well. He had been angry at him when he did the most stupid thing he had ever done in his life time. He remembered the night like it was yesterday.

" Raph ! You can't just go off like this. We'll never find him if we have to go looking for you instead !" Leo had yelled. Raph had pushed past him and made his way through the broken door. They were in a maze of a building. Raphael walked with his arguing brothers close behind. He had to find him. Raphael knew that if anything happened to him, he would never forgive himself. Then there were voices. Raphael wasted no time. He took off at a dead run to the door where he heard the cry.

" No Raph !!!!!!!" Leo cried. Mike and Don were frantic as they chased him into the room. Raph stopped and looked at his master Splinter. He was tied and kneeling down before a man who had pinned him against his will.

" Let him go !!!! Or I swear on my life I'll kill you !!!"

" Try it !!! You freak !" The man yelled. Raph was angry and lunged forward with his sais in hand. Suddenly, before Raph could stop, the man came down on Splinter's head with a sword. Raphael had screamed and kill the man with one blow. He had lowered to the ground and starred. His brothers shed their tears and starred in disbelief at their dead master. He had died so tragically. But Raphael didn't cry. He just starred. There was not even a hint of tears in his eyes. His brothers had grown angry with him.

Donatello starred at his computer. They had been so angry with Raphael for going forward the way he did. They had blamed him for the death of their master. But inside, Don knew it was wrong. His brother loved Splinter and trusted him. Their master was the only one that ever heard or saw Raphael's emotions. Raphael had tried to save him, but couldn't. It was a mistake to do what he did and he learned it the hard way. His brothers blamed him and then Raphael blamed himself. They had split up somewhat after that. Donatello closed his eyes as the tears threatened to come. He remembered when Mike had cried frantically to get his attention. They had all ran out to the east side of the city. There was a large cliff with about a 25 story drop into the raging ocean. Leonardo had seemed uncaring, but Don could see the fear in his eyes. Raph had just looked at them as he stood on the edge. Mike had tears that streamed down his face. They knew Raphael was in a very emotion state and he just might do it. Donatello remembered the last words he had said.

" I never meant for him to get killed ya know. I wanted to save him......I tried.." Before they knew it, he had jumped. His brothers had ran to the edge and watched his body fall into the raging ocean. Not even as he had said those words did he have tears in his eyes. He had disappeared into the white waves and dark waters. The turtles had gone to the shore at the bottom of the cliff, but he couldn't be found. They searched for days and realized that the sea had swallowed him up.

Donatello often blamed himself for that. They had made Raphael believe that he was the one at fault for Splinter's death. Even if he had already blamed himself for what happened, they should've, as brothers, been supportive and tried to get through it together. But they had taken their anger out on the only one they felt needed to be blamed and it had driven him to his death. After that day, Mike had moved out and became a writer and poet. With the much money he earned, he bought himself a house in a private part of Florida. Leonardo remained in New York though. Donatello couldn't stand to be there any longer and had also moved out. He had moved to California and he too had a job. No one ever really saw him, but he worked for a big time computer network. Even though they had never met him, they knew he was a genius and they were glad to have him as one of their experts. No one really knew what Leonardo did or if he did anything at all. Last they heard, he had made some friends and worked with them. Obviously, his looks didn't matter to them.

Donatello heaved a sigh. He and Mike talked on the phone and all, but being together like brothers should, was needed much more than far away voices. Raphael never was able to make anything of himself, because he never even had the chance to really live. He had killed himself only 3 days after Splinter was murdered. That was nearly 15 years ago. The turtles didn't look much older, but in their eyes was the look of wisdom and sadness. Donatello turned his computer off and got up. Slowly, he went to his room and laid on his bed.

" What will come of us now, Master Splinter ?" He whispered as the tears finally came.