It upsets me to see so many people bustling about in such a hurry that it looks like they are serving some higher Purpose. When I ask them what they in such a rush for they look at me as if I should know. Their eyes seem to say "What do you mean 'why am I in such a hurry? Don't you know who I am? I am me and I have important work to do?" I dare not ask what they need to do for fear of what they might actually say. But what if I did ask them what would they say. Maybe there is something important that they are involved in. Maybe everyone is and I'm the only one left out of the loop. I'm the only one who doesn't understand. I imagine myself asking the young man, who is in such a hurry that he does not have time to acknowledge the existence of others, what exactly is he doing.
"What’s the big plan today?"
"Me! Oh, I don't know if I can tell you that."
"Why is that?"
"Because you are just a child or, I should say, just like a child. "
"I don't understand."
"That’s just it. How could I begin to explain to you the gravity of my situation when you can't even comprehend why I'm so busy. It’s as if you have no idea on living or what people do in life."
"I see!"
"Really, well then maybe you’re not as ignorant as you claim to be. But I still don't see why you care."
"Care?"
"Yes, care. Why do you care about what other people are doing? We are all working toward the same end so what does it matter what the individual is doing. We are involved in the upkeep of society. Everything has its place and everyone has his job."
"That brings you back to my initial question."
"Yes, well I am of to do my part in the function of life."
"And what would that part be?"
"Yes you are just like a child. You didn't even listen to what I said to you, did you?"
"But I…. "
"Anyway I am off to work. Good luck to you!"
He really wouldn't answer my question. I would end up more confused than before. It turns out that this young man works at the grocery store as a clerk. I really don't see the importance or the need for him to be rushing off in such a hurry and with such an inflated notion of self worth. But that is my problem. I don't understand and even he knew this.
I've always wondered why people always have such an inflated idea of their importance or their greatness. What makes a person feel that they can crush anyone in order to satisfy the desires that he has? I always felt that people had an ego problem. "There are two ways to do things; my way and the wrong way." Why do so many have this concept in their head? I used to despise people but I have learned to appreciate the quirks of the individual in the face of society. Why? Because I have lost my faith. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not talking about a religious faith but my faith in people. I have spent a great deal of time relying on the help of others. After years of being ignored or stepped over I no longer retain the ideology that society is a group of people working toward a common interest. Instead I see that many people have only one interest, thier's.
At first this thought disturbed me. This is connected to lose of faith. If everyone is concerned with himself or herself then what is going to keep people in check. Then I saw that we keep each other in check. Just as there are some bad people there are also some good people. I can see upon reflection of this statement that I have not really disposed of my ideology but just phrased it in a different way. But is it really the same. Enough of this minor digression. So, I came to the great realization that my society is made up of a system of checks and balances. How Democratic. But by being a form of democracy there is an inherent problem with this form of society. The will of the masses has the capability to silence what is good in order to fulfill a momentary desire. Mob rule is a real danger to any society but democracy seems to thrive on it.
I don't mean the ideological Democracy but rather then the democracy that has developed, that can't help but develop. It is a degenerate form of the original purpose. In fact we started out as a republic and still are. It’s just that the idea of democracy is more appealing to people rather than a republic. Anyway, apart from the existence of a political republic, our society is a democracy. As a democratic society there is an importance placed on the individual. This is probably the root of our sense of self worth. Now some people may think I am a fascist but I just don't believe that the general public knows what it is doing. I am talking about a mass of people who are about as in touch with themselves and the consequences of their actions as a group of lemmings running off a cliff. Of course these lemmings are individuals. Some fall off backwards while others go sideways. All just to be different from the ones plunging into the moral abyss head first.
This is the extent of our individuality. We are different in the way we are trying to achieve the same end. I talked to one lemming the other day and he was not too concerned with his fate.
"Why are you running that way?"
"WHY? Because it is the purpose of the lemming to continue on to a new frontier. I run in the name of progress. I run to advance the plight of lemmings everywhere who don't have a chance to run."
"But you’re running off a cliff. You'll probably die!"
"I'll be fine. I've already wasted too much time. I must meet my destiny, my future."
That’s the last time I saw that lemming. I'm sure he's all right. If not it's his own fault for being an idiot. I don't have anything against lemmings but why must they always pressure me into following them off the cliff. Their running away thinking that things will be different but they don't know what problems what they will be facing. And they want to force the same fate on me. That is what I find so reprehensible about the lemming. Its these people who screw everything up.
So any way here I am sitting on the cliff. All the lemmings have taken the plunge and I am all alone. Why? I don't want to be alone but I sure as hell don't want to jump. What am I supposed to do? I have to do something, right? But I don't know what. I don't want to make any mistakes but that is any good because I have to screw up in order to get anywhere. I am not perfect! This reminds me, I've strayed from what I was talking about.
I have decided to sell my soul. I thought it would be an easy thing to do until I realized it was a buyers market. I also had the misconception that there was only one buyer. You've got the bad, the good, the mediocre and so on. I went into the market with the idea of selling in order to obtain at least a few moments of happiness or stability. There is so little that I know about the way these things work.
On to