December 1/1998

HO HO HOOOOOOOOO....

Here it is December 1st and people in the U.S. have their decorations up for Xmas already! Yesterday the sun was splitting the rocks, and here was the neighbour hastily adorning her veranda with her xmas tree and favourite hyper lights. You're nobody in the U.S. it seems, unless you have your tree up right after thanksgiving!

I will have a visitor's grace period for this year so I have a couple of weeks more, but come next year, if my tree isn't up by December 1st I might as well forget it and pretend I'm a non believer and keep my drapes closed for the season.

Well I guess people down here crave the snow...(which makes me laugh til it hurts). They'll spend thousands for a ski vacation and who knows give me 20 years or more and I'll be hop footing it up to Ski Martock for two weeks....I finally learned how to ski last year and whoooompha...now I find myself in the land of the sun. Go Figure! Anyway this is one immigrant that won't be missing the perils of ice covered windshields or frostbitten toes...I would rather enjoy the allure of sunstroke anyday.

Kidding aside, this is a bit much...the pressure.....:)) I haven't even finished my shopping to send to Canada yet, let alone, find the time to decorate my place. Eghads. One woman I spoke with the other day looked disgruntled cause she still had a few gifts left to wrap and it was after thanksgiving. Sheesh...I felt like saying..."yeah wow you're slow...you had all of Easter, Halloween and Thanksgiving to wrap them and you still don't have them wrapped...what's the problem?"

I get the impression that xmas down here is a more competitive sport than it is home. I wonder if it's because of the warm weather? I mean...maybe these Americans crave snow so much they're getting out their frustration by creating an illusion of winter with xmas decor. Who knows...all I know is that I'm still unpacking from my move and xmas is a mere afterthought...This year it is going to be special no doubt...what with a sweet husband and a new puppy and all...however...I'll still be out in the stores on Xmas eve...and knowing me....some people on my list will even have to wait until the Boxing day sale before they get that little something from me. Oh yes and then there's the home-made gifts...sigh..where's the time... :))

Night Night & Merry Pre Xmas TaMarah

December 8th/1998

Do doctors ever boil you? Get on your nerves? Make you want to take to the hills and try some herbal seeds and dragon's blood instead of trying their latest prescribed treatments? Doctors and the GOD COMPLEX. I'll never figure it out. I mean I'll never understand how people can be so incredibly shallow and then go into an area such as medicine where the main goal should be to heal people. Lately it seems the main idea for most of them is how to make as much money as possible without being sued.

Well I'm glad I moved to a country where it is actually possible to sue the gods. In Canada, it's about as easy to pull an elephant's tooth while you have a mouse in your hand, as it is to get past the local medical boards. The gods get together and protect their own in a cloak of madness...they call it the 'medical board' but anyone who has had a bad experience with a doctor in Canada knows what I am talking about. Trying to complain to a doctor is like trying to break out of Alcatraze. It has been known to happen on a rare occasion but such a phenonomen would be likely made into a major motion picture and we'd all hear about it that way. Otherwise, it NEVER happens. Like I said, here in the U.S. it is at least possible to sue. It will still cost alot of bucks but the gods are at least accessible through the court system.

The other day I made the mistake of calling a doctor Mr. instead of using the Dr. title. Well a 'hissy fit' is putting his reaction mildly. I didn't want to embarrass the people I was sitting around, or I would have contorted..."fuck off ...go into another profession, sick people don't need your bullshit..." I wish now I had of let it out anyway since it might have made everyone feel better...or it would have certainly made ME feel better. I have been thinking about what I should have said since I left the office so...I made a pact with myself..NEVER again will I worry about what people are thinking...I'm always worrying about protecting someone. I often hold myself from saying what I need to say because I don't want to "upset" someone. However, I often go away and realize there is more left upset by me NOT saying it. I don't want to live my life wishing I had of SAID that...my lips will be closed long enough when I'm dead...hope my lesson was learned well! My past tells me that the truth has rarely lost in the end. Sometimes it seems that in the beginning, the idiots are winning but at the end of the day, they don't win. Truth wins. Inner reality wins and being true to yourself and caring about people wins. Sometimes someone has to be UPSET for the truth to be told. It's a tough lesson but it's one worth sticking in your brain and keeping there! I hope I run into another god again soon, so I can give him my TREATMENT!

It really irritates a god when you don't use their assigned "title" and you make him/her stand on level ground with you. Don't believe me? Try addressing your doctor or vet by sir or mam or something even better like...buddy or "hey you"...and take a look at their face. That is of course, if they don't order you out on the streets first, with your i.v. attached...Finding someone in the medical profession or many other jobs for that matter because they have a true desire to help people is rare and is like gold when you do find it. Most of the gods are in the position or gather up their degrees and titles because they are on a power trip and have a need to control.

As often as possible I try and strip power grabbers down to earth. It always gives me a hoot. I NEVER give someone respect because of a title, I give it to them when I know what kind of person they are. The title for me is not what makes the respect worthy in my mind, it is what they do with that title. Some people read a few books and do a couple of things in life and they think everyone should move out of their way. Yeah right...THIS IS EARTH CALLING...My friend made me roll around laughing the other day when he said..."sure I can read, I am my own doctor and I have developed my own therapeutic frame of reference entitled, Keithology." My friend's name is Keith and his frame of reference is ..."FUCK YOU ALL...DON'T HURT ME, I WON'T HURT YOU ... ASK AND I'LL TELL YOU - IF I ASK TELL ME - OTHERWISE GO ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE." This comes from a guy who doesn't wear shoes (especially in public places) and who has a huge tattoo covering his foot and leg and likes to show it and his toe ring off. He's great..! His 6 foot 200+lb frame makes him stand out in a crowd, not to mention that toe ring. However, I'm proud to call Keith my friend and we should all be so lucky to know someone as honest as he is. Keith is wise beyond his years and is a great healer already and I'm sure will grow as he matures. :)

So next time you go to a god, remember he/she is there to SERVE you. They are your servants in health. If they don't treat you like an equal and seem more hung up on being a "doctor" because of the title or big salary, get out...you need someone you can talk to about your health, not be intimidated by!

Bye for now TaMarah

December 11/1998

Well there I am waiting to get it in the rump. Ha...doesn't that sound suggestive? Believe me it wasn't! There is not one sexy thing about getting a needle about 6 inches long stuck right into your rump!

It all started a few weeks ago when I decided to test my strength and stamina on the exercise equipment here at my apartment complex...50 lbs in the air later, I knew I was in trouble. That night when I tried to sleep it was like the 50 lbs was still dragging on my spine...I tossed and turned. The pain subsided and I even thought it was all gone til hubby got frisky the other day and in between tickling my feet, he picked me up and carried me all over the apartment . I didn't realize exactly how my muscles were tearing. Until again, I tried to lie down and sleep....OWWWWWW!!! After spending hours last night tossing and turning and worrying about hubby getting to sleep so he could work in the morning...I crept out of the bed and managed to make a little campsite out on the hall floor with my favourite blanket, stuffed monkey and all 3 cats in tow. I still tossed and turned but I must have fallen to sleep because I woke up a few hours later to the sounds of a whimpering husband wondering how I had gotten out in the hallway. When I barely could get up on my own we both knew it was time for the emergency room. So as dawn approached we battled our way, without even caffeine until we made it to the hospital.

There I met a grouchy young intern. I made a joke about him finally getting some real practice as he shoved my leg over my head until my ass went numb with the pain. "Yup hurts just a little", I managed to get out between yelps of pain, as I listened patiently to his lecture. "I most certainly am NOT practicing. I am here to find out what is wrong with your leg!" and on and on he moaned.....a few minutes later as I lay in recuperation from the exam, a REAL doctor makes his way towards my bed shoves my leg over my head again and asks if it hurt. "wouldn't that hurt you? " I replied. "Sorry" his pudgy little lips retorted, "I guess we'll give you some pain killers and ask you to see your doctor." Well Well Well....I'm really glad this wasn't an emergency, I pondered as another intern came in and ordered me to drop my drawers. If I hadn't of gotten married just a little while ago I might have enjoyed all this male attention, however, with my husband holding my hand during all the proceedings, I anxiously awaited my return home....Sometimes pain is worth savouring, especially when the alternative is an emergency room visit.

Night Night..... TaMarah