WHERE DID THAT GO? Last time I checked it was January 1/1999 and now that I've taken my head up to catch my breath, I realized it is the end of February...what a month!! So many exciting things...WORK...for a change..:) I never thought I would go back to teaching but I need to work and I get bored so easily that I have to have a challenge. What bigger challenge is there? Teaching...and in a foreign country? EGHAD...a bit scary alas, but exhilarating.

I love the kids...even if the class was somewhat like the stage of the Jerry Springer show. Any minute I was expecting to see a chair go flying across the room. I HAD NO CONTROL! Most teachers get a video somewhere along the lines of what a class looks like if you lose control of it. ( control? how I hate that word)...I COULD HAVE MADE THAT VIDEO...LOL! My problem has always been, that when I teach, I just can't be mean. I GIVE my ENTIRE SELF for as long as I am teaching and therefore I am sensitive to all of the children's emotions! It makes me be a good teacher but...it also makes the room so noisy that noone can learn what I'm teaching. :)

The clincher came when the most aggressive girl in the class said she was going to tell on me because I didn't escort her to lunch if I told anyone how bad she was ... ?????? Dear me...they learn so fast..where did she learn to manipulate like that? I told her if she felt a desire to do that...then she should go ahead and do it because it is her right if she felt she was not being taken care of...meanwhile this girl can definitely escort herself to the lunchroom..since she was as tall as I was! She said "no that's ok" all of a sudden! I told her that despite her disapproval, I might still have to get some information from the other teachers so that I could help the class get along better. Well that was my first lesson...and it wasn't about the need to escort the students...which is a real issue in American schools! (so different from where I taught before) My first lesson was about a sweet little girl who seemed to hate herself and it came out as hating everyone around her. I told her not to worry that I thought she was wonderful and that she would make an excellent teacher herself if she started out now...she seemed amazed that someone would say something so positive to her. I could see behind the rough and tough exterior that there was a whole lot of pain. It's just difficult to deal with when you have 20 more students to worry about! :( Of course looking back I could have done many more things to help smooth over her instigations of trouble and avoid the whole class slipping out from in under me. I need alot more practice!

The next lesson came when the fire alarm went off. ON MY FIRST DAY? Well I think all the blood rushed out of my body and landed somewhere in the sink in the back of the classroom because I sure had none left in me! Was that a drill or were we being hit by a tornado? I swear I have never heard such a loud and shrill noise in my life. I would have had a heart attack if there had been time...but there was none...I had over 20 children to take care of...and goodness knows where I had to go! Well they got my goad for the first time that day when they acted silly during the fire alarm! I made them all get back to class and I was ready for a lecture! I did it...I GOT MAD AT THEM...AND THEY WERE LIKE LITTLE MICE. I told them how serious that could have been and just because I let them away with everything today didn't mean it was a permanent character flaw of mine. I told them if they didn't think they could respect me maybe they needed to stay home in the morning...blah blah blah...Then.... to my surprise miracles began to occur right before my eyes...one by one.."I'm sorry Ms. TaM".."yeah we didn't mean it.." "we'll do our work now..." etc. etc. I was in semi shock until the end of the day...my desk became piled with little sealed envelopes, candy, pictures of pooh bear etc....what??? I imagined I was being bombarded with complaints and notes for me to sign for their moms... Then I opened the notes one by one and it was all I could do to not burst into tears. Apology after apology and all in excellent grammatical order too...!! I could have hugged them all but these days you're not allowed to approach a child for a hug..:( The world has disintegrated. People who want to be loving are now having to sacrifice demonstrative actions towards children because of all the abuse going on in the world. (How anyone could ever hurt kids...wild tempered or not...I cannot understand.) I only hope that they felt the love that was in my heart. They made my day and made me realize I'd made the right decision to "come back to school"