soft black stars

		the empty streets
		the songs of twilight
		the clouds at rest
		the churchbells chiming
		a scarecrow shudders
		and some birds tremble
		i looked at you and saw it's time
		
		the faded flowers
		the faded pictures
		of faded lives
		your body waiting
		and unfulfilled
		with no regrets
		and empty heart
		and head in hands
		i heard them say today it's time
		
		the sunset heavy
		on mother mountain
		the cattle lowing
		the cattle dreaming
		the endless rain
		in haunted airs
		your loss of hope
		we were shown	
		we were shown it's only time
		
		the smell of rain
		the twilight leaning
		against your lips
		waterwheels turning
		the forests brooding
		you took my hand
		and pointed full of pain
		that fishes dying
		you see the sign that this was time
		
		i waited years for you
		or so it seemed
		and stumbled through your world
		praying for just one kiss
		to stop my fall from grace
		and shelter in your palm
		you gave me everything
		both lock and key
		the oilclouds see it's only time
		
		if i could have one wish
		as in the fairytales
		i would unmake my past
		and rise like Lazarus
		and stand in sunlight
		and banish all the dark
		that locked my face away
		and say to you again
		oh that 
		that was only time
		
		so willow weep not for me
		and oak bend not for me
		though others died for us
		and in our place
		though in the secret heart
		raw wound, raw source of all
		i heard the news today
		whispered in the dark
		at last
		at last we know it's time
		
		i knew at last it's only time
		i'll come in glory
		
		end of story

		-----

		i'm clicking your fingers for a gothic twilight
		that actually existed just in your head
		your fingernails painted black or bloodred
		i forget
		and your fake-leather volumes jabbering on hell
		manifest decadence was what you hoped to exhale
		your eyes tried so hard to glitter
		
		a star-snuffing black so you opened your books
		and you opened your legs and so opened your heart
		and let in the badness you claimed as your friend
		
		with un-angels hovering like flies around the orchard
		that had covered your soul their empire increasing
		and your country deserted by your self
		
		the bells of st. mary call us to remember that life is with end
		and the gestures can kill us moreover destroy
		and there is one judgment only
		
		your letters came daily in french or in german
		but they meant to me nothing i caught the slow chords
		and dry ice fogging your mind
		
		i see all too clearly now why you could be discarded
		and though i could pray for you i probably shan't
		having had my cup filled up with your lies and your make-up
		
		you were nothing thinking you're something
		
		and nonetheless i still write this gothic love song
		a sign to myself and the memory of my past
		i still write this gothic love song
		a sign to myself and the memory of my past
		and a way to shut out your face

		-----	
		
		i saw the back of the stars
		tremble and fall
		while seahorses played
		on the slope of your breast
		i saw a hundred angels
		rush to the ground
		they were giving you garlands 
		and giving you crowns
		the flowers are everywhere
		Christ glorious entwined
		the tip of the moon 
		and the sun as it shines
		and the roots as they burrow 
		and tunnel through earth
		and the birds as they soar on their wings
		i heard them whisper your name
		and i remember you there

		and the turtle-doves hiding
		as your eyes roared with light
		and i remember your smile
		so wide and so red
		whilst the snowflakes covered
		your hair with their seals
		and i remember our bliss
		as we gazed at the wall
		and i remember you there
		i remember you there
		with your mocking bird hair

		some years ago
		we had sat down and wept
		with the sea in our ears
		and seven cats on our laps
		whilst the books gathered dust
		unread and untrue
		and you flicked through the letters
		i could not bear to read

		-----

		little children snuggle under soft black stars
		and if you look into their eyes soft black stars
		deliver them from the book and the letter and the word
		and let them read the silence bathed in soft black stars
		let them trace the raindrops under soft black stars
		let them follow whispers and scare away the night
		let them kiss the featherbreath of soft black stars
		and let them ride their horses licked by the wind and the snow
		and tip-toe into twilight where we all one day will go
		caressed with tendrils and with no fear at all
		their faces shining river gold washed with soft black stars
		and angels' wings shall soothe their cares
		and all the birds shall sing at dawn
		blessed and wet with joy
		you and i will meet one day
		under a nightsky lit by soft black stars

		-----

		when you told me
		you heard the winds cry
		and then you told me
		you felt the seas die
		and then you showed me
		the flight of seagulls
		and whispered gently
		the party is over
		then
		then i knew it was time
		
		you looked so tired then
		bereft of beauty
		i knew that long ago
		your heart had stopped
		but all this beauty
		but all these shadows
		as if to say yes
		to life was pointless
		and then
		then i knew it was time
		
		in a small park
		just down from Soho
		you gestured wildly
		but meaning nothing
		and all the fountains
		shouted surrender
		and all the trees bowed
		at my betrayal
		and then
		then i knew it was time
		
		no words have substance
		no words are better
		than when i held you
		ragdoll defeated
		so drained of bright light
		so full of hatred
		with your soul crumbling
		parted for flowers
		i should
		have you told
		it's just time
		
		and then we looked up
		bear be it or be
		i saw the stars merge
		over St. Patrick's
		you said i am finished
		i am mist and foglight
		and slipped so sweetly
		into your grace
		if only
		if only it was only time
		
		and now it's eight years
		since i last saw you
		and all the starlight
		is now as nothing
		the letters all burned
		the kisses complete
		and all the coupling
		long forgotten
		and you long dead
		damned or forgiven
		
		it was no dream

		-----

		antichrist and barcodes
		in the air that we breathe
		with a little black box i high in the sky
		in the water that trickles in our mouths
		
		in the codes that flicker are lives 
		on and off
		does the carton nights 
		starts to swallow and shiver
		and to freeze
		
		the fish belly up
		the unborn served up
		obeying the planets
		no insense is strong enough
		to make this life complete
		
		alpha and omega
		the great in the small
		the butterflies flutter by
		the foxes stop running
		
		the moon
		as sharp as a sickle
		and as bright as a pin
		breathed its heavy sick breath
		as we fitfully slept 
		and heavily dreamed
		
		to awake 
		back into endings
		and quietly wait
		for the trains to stop chugging
		and the clocks to implode
		
		his name is under our skin
		and so by the hair
		of my chinny chin chin
		by hook or by crook
		our necks are in the noose

		-----

		i had gathered some flowers
		to lay upon your face
		though you were not gone
		from the realm of the quick
		i saw all the rainclouds
		being driven on forward
		by horses long numbered
		and featureless and free
		and i wanted to call you a wife
		though i couldn't stop glancing at the signs
		
		and the four heads of men
		and all that they carried
		and the four wombs of women
		and all that they promised
		and i wanted to write for you
		songs poems and bibles
		your face spotted with pearls
		and hand-cuffed to Christ
		but i couldn't stop watching the signs
		
		i had seen the news
		that the Trojan beast
		already and not yet
		no longer near
		nor close at hand
		nor at the door
		is finally here
		the great in the small
		
		and i couldn't stop watching the signs in the stars

		-----

		as we stared beyond the windows there
		over all the gardens
		that have never been
		and will never grow again
		how long
		how long
		the shining winking stars

		the clouds too high
		so high
		pointing to some final star
		the dull face of the sky
		and the sound of the calling
		of the distant village bell
		and all that
		the sun is not enough for us
		any longer
		and her smile
		though she wears her hat
		and her cheery rays
		do not blanket with their glorious glare
		the burning body
		with distorted nimbus
		i see too well
		just beyond my neighbour's house
		it does not blank out
		the last sigh of the soul
		whilst the night rejoices profound and still
		at the edge of your street
		both shadow and destroyer
		but not alas
		the comforter

		-----

		caught when i was still a child
		by a terrible vision of my Christ
		and caught in the throat by your signs and tears and goodbyes
		
		i picked me up
		and walked too far
		with thought of no return
		and not to see your face again and drowning all my hopes
		and wishing no longer upon stars
		
		believing 
		no longer in moonlight
		or other dreams or other fields
		upon all of which we so beautifully play
		i saw a waste of all
		
		and so i put away 
		all talk of death's heads
		and a little glimpse is a bloodblossomed force
		and all talk of apocalypse
		
		Apocraphon and Apollyon
		Abaddon
		all abandoned
		then i saw in myself the bowl and a gun
		and the glory that was to come

		-----
		
		a car sweeps by with a murdered child
		a car sweeps by with a violated girl
		a car sweeps by with its trunk full of death
		
		i can't hear the voice
		i can't see the face

		-----	
		
		as i have not trusted
		i have not hoped
		in the bleak alleyways
		and the secondhand streets
		where misery waits
		and the turn of your hand
		
		as i have no believed
		so i have not seen
		the uselessness
		the pettiness
		and in by the clouds are the sun and the stars
		by the walls and the rain
		i shall not come to you for tea
		as you may come back home with me
		not believing and not seeing the facts
		yapping into our face
		alternate fire
		alternate smoke
		i shall not wake
		at seven or eight
		as all the hours
		are now too late
		with the lead weights motionless
		i spy with my little eye
		
		you and i my love
		you and i
		with our backs to each other
		chewing on shadows
		dissecting the lights
		that their brightness might be classified
		and then immasculated
		and finally killed