Come one, come all.. Be amazed!

                       

WHAM!     Today's subject: The 80s. 10/9/98explose.gif (16495 bytes)

Who in the HELL decided that the 80s were so kewl that we have to relive

them every 5 fucking minutes of this decade? I mean, what did the 80s offer                                                   
that was so damned stunning that it changed the course of human history?
Bad movies, bad clothes, REALLY bad music, and even worse hairstyles. The                                                  
popularization of highly addictive drugs (coke, etc.), yuppies, utter self-
absorbtion. "Glam" rock. Miami Vice. The flagrant disregard of
good taste, in the form of pastels. Am I the only person who remembers these
travesties, these nauseating testaments to human blunder?
Apparently so, because as it stands I'm bombarded 6 times a day with
hour-long "retro-80s" radio shows, when I'm exposed to the harpy-like
wailings of pretentious, selfish children for an hour on EVERY radio station
in Phoenix, all at the same time. In fact, between noon and 1pm EVERY DAY,
one can turn to nigh any radio station and hear "Come on Eileen", that
anthem of idiocy, until your ears bleed and you're pondering (or proceeding
with, depending on how long you've been listening) various acts of grisly
self-mutilation.
And on the subject of horrid music, what about these bands, popular now
for God knows what reason, that actually WRITE and PLAY *ORIGINAL* music
with that unmistakable 80s style. Savage Garden comes to mind immediately.
Not to mention contemporary bands that play renditions of horrid 80s songs
(Save Ferris, for example, with "Come on Eileen". Well, that about says it
all about Save Ferris, yes?), and 80s bands that get back together to play
their old songs, sacrificing any dignity they might have (c'mon, you don't
need the money THAT bad...).
On another note, what fucking BRAIN decided that bad, B horror movies
were so transcendental that they needed to be revived? I submit: "Scream",
its equally bad sequel, and "I Know What You Did Last Summer", and ITS
mind-numbing sequel. Not to mention "An American Werewolf in Paris", which
is, I imagine, a sequel to that *80s* B horror flick, "An American Werewolf
in London". What do people get from these? You'd think people would learn
from such films as "April Fool's Day", "Friday the 13th MCDXXIV" and the
"Evil Dead" trilogy, but NOOOOOOO. We, as a country, have decided that we
need MORE movies about staggeringly stupid teenagers who have sex and then
are slain in a very gory, yet sadly uncreative, fashion.
Bottom line, boys and girls, is that we need to stop wallowing in the
apparently bottomless mires of our own wistful nostalgia, and remember what
those shiny-happy times were REALLY like.

-BoB, wielding that big stick of REALITY
                                    

 

BAM!

CRASH!