Sweeps over my body

Damaging, destroying

Everything in its path.

The confidence, the hope,

The dreams, the happiness

Are drowning

In my Darkness.

Such an emptiness,

Such torture,

Never have I known

Before.

The hopelessness is so unnatural

That I examine it

From a point of view

Other than my own.

Such desperation for which there is no cure

But to end all feeling,

Good

And Bad.

The escape is narrow,

The sacrifice great…

My entire life,

Or my happiness.

Which will I choose?

Which can I choose?

If it is my life

Than all is lost for eternity.

But if it is my happiness that I surrender,

Perhaps, time will be kind

And return

Some of those

Pieces of joy

To me.

For now, I float.

Not on air,

Nor happiness,

But on nothingness.

No feelings except the ever present pain.

Dulling all emotions can silence the hurt,

The sadness,

That is screaming inside me.

But, to dull all emotions,

Is to eliminate the slim chance

For a future scattered mercifully

With bits of more hopeful pieces of my life.

For now,

These pieces,

Each one tiny and almost unnoticeable,

Are strewn around like trash.

They have no meaning,,

No importance.

By themselves, they are nothing,

Such as I am without them.

Some of these scraps are blown away

On a current of thoughts or memories,

Never to be seen again,

Lost for eternity.

Some pieces are present, but torn and unrecognizable.

Others are locked away,

Sealed by the fate of a key that I molded and then,

Without thinking, threw away.

I have sacrificed years, feelings,

Happiness, freedom,

Confidence,

And innocence.

I have received pain.

More pain than I can deal with.

Yet still,

It is not enough.

A pair of hands is wrapped around my heart,

Torturing me

And squeezing from it

Every last piece of hope.

I can feel these dreams,

These feelings,

This hope,

Drip from a heart now so torn it cannot even be identified.

All these things,

They float around inside me,

With my blood,

Attaching to the walls of my being here and there,

Where they hang on until they are starved of life and die.