February 15: I love it! I went down to the plant today, walked right up to my boss and quit my job. I had the pleasure of calling him a few choice names first and brought up the many times he docked my pay for standing around doing nothing and told him, "Hey..now I goof off for a living! So kiss off!" Then I stuck my hand to my nose and waved goodbye forever to that working loser!
February 16: Flipping through catalogs looking for stuff to buy. Man its like Christmas everyday! I’m one rich son of a gun!
February 21: My money arrived today woohoooooo!!!!! I took all my lottery winnings at once cause my new motto is, "I’m living the good life, baby!" I’m ONE RICH DUDE! Woo! Looks like the government took about half in taxes...
February 22: I put most the money in my bank. Then I spent the rest of the day buying stuff I always wanted like skis, a go-cart, a new recliner, a big-screen TV, a gun rack for my truck, and some lizard skin boots. I called up a real estate agent too and said, "buy me a house in Aspen, Colorado!" This is just the beginning….
February 23: I had to send the big-screen TV back. It wouldn’t fit through the door of my trailer, but who cares! I’m ready to take the trip of my lifetime anyway! A gambling man like me needs to be where the action is. One place that always looked impressive on TV is Monte Carlo with its fancy casinos and suave international looking people. Oh yea! I’m going to Monte Carlo!
February 24: I got tickets to fly out tomorrow! A travel agent set me up in some grand hotel. I was busy all day getting a white tuxedo with a lavender bow tie and other fancy duds for the place. I’m going in style! The bank nearly flipped when I got a million dollars in travelers’ checks, but I just looked at the teller and said, "I’m rich! And I’m living the good life, baby!"
February 28: I’m usually a better poker player than that. But hey, that million dollars was chump change to me! Easy come easy go! I had one great time… until the bouncer incident of course. My neck and shoulder are so sore. I’m in intense pain and drinking heavily. I’ll probably have to see some sort of doctor when I get off the flight.
April 4: The physical therapist says I shouldn’t do too much for the next few months. At least I’m out of the hospital!
April 12: Arrived in Aspen. Wow, I bought one nice condo! Someday when my neck is better I’m gonna learn to use all that new ski equipment I bought. Meanwhile there’s not much to do on the slopes except hang out in the resort lodges.
April 14: What a stroke of luck! I’m about to enter into the venture of my lifetime! And if I hadn’t been just sitting and drinking all day my chance meeting with Benny would have never happened. Benny has the connections, the know-how to make me even richer! I’m gonna be an exotic animal rancher! He’s making all the arrangements, but soon we’re gonna buy some land in Montana and start raising emus, ostriches, cheetahs, and you name it! Benny says there’s a huge demand for these animals and we’re eventually gonna have exotic animal ranches all over the U.S!
June 17: I’ve never been sued before. Benny got me a good lawyer, but apparently I don’t have a leg to stand on. I guess if a wild animal escapes from your property and enters a steakhouse and proceeds to maul a customer its the animal owner’s fault.
July 25: I’m putting that whole nasty incident behind me finally. I personally don’t think an arm is worth 3 million dollars, but its over, and I sold off the ranch. But I’m still ONE RICH DUDE!
July 27: I’m going to Hawaii to lay on the beaches and get me some babes! Cause I’m "living the good life now!"
July 30: The doctor said she’s never seen this severe a case of sun poisoning in her life. I forgot how fair skinned I am. I just kept thinking..’give it another hour’ and then ‘another hour’ and so on in the hopes that some gorgeous babe would notice me getting my tan.
Aug 5: Back on the beaches! Change of strategy though. Now that I look like a lemon peeling I’m using plan B.. let the babes know I’m rich! So I loaded the pockets of my swim trunks with hundred dollar bills until they were falling out. And that’s how I met the lovely Lolita!
Aug 11: What a week we’ve been having. Lolita knows Hawaii! We’ve bought a cabin cruiser, our own helicopter to see the island from the air, his and her sport cars, lots of souvenirs and have been living the good life! We’re staying in a 5 star hotel like we’re celebrities or something. Everywhere we go heads have been turning when they see Lolita in the beautiful gowns and jewelry I’ve bought her. Things have been just going so incredibly well. I’m in love! Tonight I surprise her with "the rock". I hope she accepts!
Aug 12: Well that was one short engagement. She loved the diamond and quickly accepted my marriage proposal. I was thrilled to pieces and giving her the kiss of her life when suddenly her boyfriend grabs me and pounds me hard in the nose. I was too dazed to understand what had happened, but I later got a note from her saying that she had decided to patch things up with her boyfriend. She couldn’t marry me and she’s gonna mail the diamond back later. I can’t seem to find my wallet either.
Aug 14: Back in Colorado. Bad news. Benny, who’s been living in my condo since I left, just informed me that it burned down a few days ago during a party. Apparently it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t the one who brought the hibachi inside. The bad part is that the condo right next to it burned too. So I’m being sued again. Oh, and the doctor said my nose can’t be straightened back to its original condition.
Sept 14: The bank called. I guess I’m overdrawn on my account. How can that be? I’m one rich dude.
Sept 15: Went back home to my trailer. At least I have that although now I have to live with my cousin Ernie who I gave the trailer to when I won the lottery. I’m gonna have to find a job although I can’t go back to work at the plant for obvious reasons. And I can’t get work doing the same thing cause my neck and shoulder are still acting up.
Feb 3: Finally got a job dipping cones at the Ice Cream Barn! No more laying around drinking and crying in my beer. I’m gonna be OK!
6 years later….
Jan 1: Another year ahead of me. I’ve been working hard at the Ice Cream Barn this past year since I was made assistant night manager. Its nice having a new trailer of my own again. I think maybe sometime this year if I can get enough money saved for a ring I’m gonna ask Cindy to marry me. She’s a nice girl. I’m finally content and couldn’t ask for more in life. I hope I have a good year.
Mar 6: AM I ONE LUCKY DUDE OR WHAT????
I JUST WON THE LOTTERY AGAIN!!! 8
MILLION DOLLARS! I’m quitting my
job tomorrow, buying me a fancy sports car and going where one lucky gambling
dude like me needs to be…Las Vegas! Cause I’m rich and "living the good
life from now on baby!"
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