I quit smoking yesterday. Mainly because I ran out of money to buy cigarettes, and I’m not going to have any money until tomorrow. Cigarettes are expensive these days.
I’m not going through withdrawal or anything like that. Stuff like that doesn’t happen to me. I don’t get addicted to much of anything. I generally have to stop smoking when we go on vacation, for up to two weeks at a time – I’ve never noticed any problems. I’ve been smoking since I was about twelve or thirteen, off and on.
I hope cigarette prices go down someday. I don’t see why we should be made to suffer simply because a whole hell of a lot of people were in serious denial and got cancer. Tough shit. I remember that my father was completely deluded about the effects of cigarettes right until the day he quit smoking. Stupid, stupid man.
On the other hand, I knew I was setting myself up for cancer or emphysema. I just didn’t particularly care. I still don’t. But I hate to spend so much money just to kill myself slowly. If I was really set on slow death, I could just drip-feed myself rat poison. It’d be cheaper.
I didn’t go shoe shopping. Dirk had an insomniac day yesterday, right up until the ride to Hecht’s. He took off his glasses, leaned back his head, and dozed off. I couldn’t get his ass up when we got to the mall. I ended up going into Hecht’s myself, getting discouraged because I couldn’t find the shoe section after five minutes of solo exploring, and leaving. See, Dirk wasn’t there to remind me that it’s possible (and even recommended) to ask one of the employees when you need something. That’s theoretically what they’re paid for.
I’ve been more tired than usual lately. That makes me worried, because I was really sleepy when I was pregnant. This hasn’t been the all-encompassing exhaustion that I had back then, so maybe (maybe?) I’m just being paranoid. Please, let this be paranoia. It isn’t even almost time for my period yet.
I think my mind creates problems when my life is going too smoothly, you know?
I’ve been getting off two stops before my stop and walking the rest of the way again. I just feel inspired lately.
I’ve found another way to work that goes between two buildings and then opens out into a street that’s only a couple blocks long. The street passes behind a park I used to walk in front of. I always liked that park, even on cold mornings when steam was rising from the grates and the homeless men were sleeping on the benches to stay warm (they close off the Metro stations at night, which is where the homeless used to go to stay warm). I’ve always felt drawn to it for some reason.
Most if it is concrete, with steel benches at intervals. There is a statue of some famous person involved in the design. There are trees, fairly tall ones, grouped around the benches. The overall effect is of little groves of trees in a world comprised of concrete and metal grates that continually billow hot steam. I love this park.
So, I pass behind it now, and what do I find? Two water fountains, hidden from the front by the trees. No wonder I’m so fond of that place – I’ve always had a special affinity for water fountains.
I’m feeling vaguely dissatisfied with everything today. I can’t even see Dirk tonight, because he’s working at six. I just talked to him on the phone, telling him that I was going to cruise the single’s bars tonight. He knows I’m kidding.
I’ll probably stay on the computer until an ungodly hour. Maybe do some Tae Bo.
At least tomorrow’s Friday.