Ralph : The
Movie |
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Ralph : The
Movie |
"Oh me oh my," he exclaimed , putting his hands about his rosy cheeks as gnomes are wont to do. The fettucine hung limp and defeated around his wide neck, attracting all sorts of unfriendly attention of the insect kind. Setting his chin (one of many i'm told ) straight, he begin walking resolutely towards the bright bright sun. A point to note here is that ralph was walking in the direction of the sun, not into it as some people might assume. Any action to the contrary would mean a serious revamp in the legislation regarding the laws of gravity, not to mention the heat capacity of garden gnomes . :) And so, our intrepid , diminutive and above all confused hero trudged on.
Ralph glanced left and
right as he navigated the new terrain. it was different from that
of his home town Celestia but for some strange reason, it also seemed the
same. "Hey, that colourful crystal-rock looks just like the one back home."
More senses of deja-vu were popping into Ralph's fatigued mind.
After walking around, presumably
in circles, for 4 hours, Ralph was totally exhausted (gnomes not being
exactly the most hardened creatures around). He fell to the ground
moaning "i want to go home..." and being extremely hungry, he turned to
the fettucine which was still hanging from his neck and took a bite.
then he looked up. Above him, the evil Dr
No chuckled ominously.
"No!" cried Ralph in despair.
"Yes?" said Dr No, "Can I help you?"
Then he woke up. It
was a typical Celestian morning, with the bright blue sun shining in the
dull red sky. Jim, Ralph's brother, was leaning over him. "You okay,
bro?' he asked.
"No!" screamed Ralph.
"Him again, huh? This is getting weird." Jim got
off Ralph's Komfy-Krystal(tm) bed. 'The fettucine as well?"
Ralph nodded his head sadly.
"Fettucine and Dr. No..." Jim pondered this point
for a while. "This could be a premon-"
Just then, ten tonnes of fettucine was dumped on the heads of the two gnomes.
"Whatever next?" moaned Ralph. Jim
started screaming, a hoarse nasal yet potently primal scream, drowning
out the reassurances of Ralph as the two started struggling in their efforts
to free themselves from this mess. The fettucine refused to relent, persisting
in its attempts to drown the two.
Just then, a giant chicken stormed in. One could
hear harsh mechanical crackle from some loudspeaker situated inside the
mechanical construct, as a voice boomed:
"GIVE YOURSELF UP, RALPH! YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE THE EVIL GRASP OF DR NO!"
"Not YOU too!" Ralph started to feel faint. This had all the makings of a bad movie. Maybe that was that it was.
Lest the most excellent reader be confused, we, the
humble authors, will uncover the mystery behind this worthy tale.
This laudable piece of prose has been spun from a pool of material so quaintly
termed the "Director's reject pile".
Ah, the movie houses of the world would cringe with
primeval shame at this display of their unwieldy mistakes. Let us
now draw a delicate curtain over this immodest scene and bid farewell to
the playful antics of the homely Ralph and his vigorous brother, Jim.
Not to forget the most tasteful fettucine and the avian doctor, who insists
on taking a negative view on life, farewell.
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