Bitter

March 15, 1999

Her name drops before me like a rock:
Kitty.  Virgin in white robes
doing penance for sins
she yearns to commit.

I found her picture last summer.
Her letter to you reminded me.  So long
your eyes deceived me, making me
believe your words were true.

You think you hide your game
but I see through you now.  A thin fog-
I can put my hand through
and reach the other side.

Lies.  Nine months of them.
Now the bastard child is born and
bawling between us, but no one
wants to touch him.

Words etched in stone.  I laugh.
They were only written in
the dust that settled upon us.
The wind has blown them away.

Fire burns deep down in my guts.  My
jaws ache from my clenched teeth.
Sleep eludes me like a dream forgotten
in the night.  My nerves dehydrate my mouth.

Your cock lays limp now on your sac.
It doesn’t rise for me anymore.  No matter.
The Zoloft killed my wet passion anyway.
Masturbation is fruitless.

You hang me on a string.  Dangling from
my neck, killing me with your indecision.
Waiting for your lust bride
to grow up and take my place.

Inches from rock bottom, your tug
brings me up, then down.
Coming so close to crashing below
on the rocks of my instability.

But see where the other end hangs.
Strapped to her neck just above
her milky white breasts.  Scraping
and chafing her tender young skin.

Only a child.  You harden to feel
the barrier she holds inside of her.
A child being fed by the ancient hand
of a man who thinks too much with his dick.

Falling in love is not an art, my dear.
You proclaim your honesty while the skeletons
in your closet gather mold.  Bring them out
and see how far she runs.  Chicken shit.

As for my closet, it is now clean.
My lies I have brought to you on a paper plate.
Hot and steamy turning cold and bland
as you set it against your forked tongue.

I have nothing left to hide, and with it
nothing more to lose.  Everything I had,
I gave up for you.  This cold, stainless steel protruding
from me is now inside of you.  Bleed as I have done.

Now stuff your lies in your mouth.
I hope you choke on them all.  Bitter bile
forces its way up as you gasp for air
against the bone lodged in your throat.

Who will save you now?  Get on your knees
and ask me nice...I just might.  Bullshit, I will
still take the punishment you so deserve.  I can
admit my wrongs along with yours, too.

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