as the sun sets and rises

It is a little bit past six o'clock in the evening and I am alone in my house. I am standing at the kitchen sink looking out the open window before me. The sun's rays spread out like an explosion from the farthest most region of the sky. It is quiet and peaceful, both inside and outside my house. As I sigh, the crickets start to carry out their nightly melodious calling. For a long time, I curiously study the purple and pink rays from the expansion of the sky, astonished at the marvelous scene, as if it was a smooth oil painting from a creative child's awesome imagination. Suddenly, memories slightly brush across my mind and I try to grasp and fully contain them, but they are slowly slipping away, just like the sun from the horizon....

My companion in life, holding the unforgettable events…
My friend and I are trapped in a low-ceiling room by our mothers. A dirty, old light bulb is stuck to the center. As my friend and I sit on a bunk bed, we look at each other, bored. We both sigh in unison and turn our heads toward the large, bright window on the side of the room. It reflects the sun and the light blinds me for awhile, but it just takes a couple of blinks for my eyes to adjust to the brightness. Suddenly, I jump off the bed and I scream "I know!" As my eyes shine like two brown marbles, I excitedly tell her about my ingenious game. When I finish, I am out of breath, but my friend climbs to the top of the bunk bed and tries out my game. As she prepares to jump, she sucks in her breath and closes her eyes tightly. When she leaps, I stare at her, astounded, with my jaw hanging down and my eyes wide open. I quickly climb the bunk bed and try out the game for myself. We take turns climbing up my bunk bad and, gleefully, jumping to the lower bed on the other side of the room. Knowing how dangerous it is, adds excitement and eagerness to the game. When we both stand on top of the bunk beds, the height seems equivalent to the top of a twenty-story building. The thrill and amazement of the height astounds us and makes us feel like heroines for continuing the game. As we continue our feat, time passes unnoticed and the sun begins to set. Suddenly, on my last jump from one bed to another, I miss a beat and my head painfully hits the light bulb on the ceiling. I hit the floor in shock. As I look down on the wooden floor, a bright, red drop of blood is, seemingly, newly stained there. I continue to stare at the stain and it becomes a blur. I hear screams but they don't register in my mind, and it becomes a bunch of mumbles, so I ignore them. I let my finger stray to the floor and it touches the stain. The blood transfers over to my finger and I realize that it is my blood. I begin to feel faded, and after awhile, something covers my sight into total darkness. Over time, my head heals and my hair covers the scar, nonetheless, a horrible and relentless mark is left not only on my scalp, but in my mind.

It is the one sacred element in my life that I cherish and trust…
As I sit in the sun-splashed dining room with my mom in the early morning air, the sun is reflecting from her eyes. She looks like the stereotypical figure of a mother, only much more beautiful. She wears a warm, sympathetic smile on her face and looks plump and sweet. We start catching up on the daily events in our life and somehow our conversation goes back to my mom's past. She talks about the difficulties, loves, and sadness that she had encountered in her past lifetime. I stare at her as she continues and am amazed that my mom was once such an independent and courageous woman. Somehow, as she continues, I stop listening to the memories that she is, almost, telling to herself and study the many features of her face. I analyze her deep wrinkles and the look in her eyes and realize that she is smiling dreamily off into her own world. I critically look at the big, brown eyes that I regret never inheriting and the scars left from the many experiences that she had been through. She begins to look very different. A stranger, almost. She transforms into the carefree girl in the many pictures I saw of her when she was young. Her wrinkles disappear and she is slender and very pretty. She stands with strength and pride and her long, dark hair rests loosely along her back. Suddenly the telephone shrills, cutting the peaceful quietness of the morning, and we both snap out of our trances. But the memory of my mom is still smooth and whole, like a circle. It is complete and safely saved, forever in my mind.

Rushing upon me and pouring memories into my heart and soul…
I am standing on the steps of the Alhambra High School auditorium stage waiting for my turn to come up and receive my diploma. As chills run through me, my nervousness increases and I try to hold my breath and close my eyes for awhile. There is an excitement in the atmosphere and it completely engulfs me. I hear the cheering from the audience and feel the intensity of the event. The audience sounds like a bunch of high-pitched screams within a mixture of claps and whistles. There is a sense of nervousness that is weighing me down and putting a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I can feel the vibes from the audience, and I know that they are holding great expectations for our future, starting from the moment we are handed our diploma. I turn my head and look at the audience, but all I see is a contrast of bright white flashes of light and cool, black darkness. I become mesmerized by the flashes of white light and am completely surprised when the person behind me taps my shoulder and points forward. I stumble forward and blush. I grip the handrail along the stairs for support and realize that my hands are sweating. When my name is called, I walk swiftly across the stage, hoping not to trip or fall. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my teachers sitting and facing the audience on the stage with a big, proud smile on their faces. I feel a flutter of pride inside me as I continue along down to my seat. Before I know it, the last name is called and we all rise and follow each other up the aisle to the exit. As I proceed to walk outside with my friends, I feel like a champagne bottle, all bubbly inside, ready to burst and the day appears to be celebrating along with me. The sky is the clearest blue that I had ever seen and the sun seems to be blessing everyone that is there.

It teaches me a variety of things about life and myself…
There are a couple of high clouds in the sky, but besides that, it is perfect beach weather. The sun looks dazzling in its normal blue sky and I feel completely trapped in its rapture. My friend and I are bored. We sit on a bench in the park and look around. I close my eyes and sigh. My friend abruptly stands up and walks away. I look up at her and she yells "come on!" We walk all the way to a drug store and I curiously question her on the reason of our visit. She shrugs and we continue to stroll around inside the drug store. Suddenly, my friend gets the idea of stealing something. As usual, no good comes out of her reckless thinking, but just this once, I idiotically agree with her. I look at her silently and raise an eyebrow. She giggles at my expression and decides to steal a hairbrush, claiming that she really did need one. I look at her for awhile and wonder what is going through her mind. She looks very calm and content, but there are plenty of thoughts inside my head telling me not to do it. I ignore them and follow my friend to the hair accessory section. She pretends to look around and naturally picks up a brush. She examines it and sneaks a look at her surroundings. She pretends to look at me, but I know that she's really looking past me at the employees. I just continue to stare at her, awed. She swiftly slips the brush into her large flannel sleeve and looks at me with a smile. She says "Are you ready?" and I nod silently. As we reach the exit of the store, I get extremely nervous, but my friend is exactly the opposite. I fidget and look around at the people in the store, especially the employees, but every one of them is doing their job and looking bored. As I tentatively reach the glass door of the exit, I abruptly stop, but my friend continues and she, amazingly, reaches outside without any suspicion from anybody. I walk quickly out of the store and exhale heavily. She laughs at her success but all I feel is guilt. I know I should never have had agreed with her to steal a pathetic brush but now, it is too late. Somehow the sun seems to be ashamed of me as well because it disappears behind a cloud.

My companion in life, holding the unforgettable events
It is a clear and sunny Friday. Against my mom's wishes, I go to school just because I'm bored. At school, there are a couple of people playing baseball, so I just walk around the playground looking for a familiar face. As I am walking, I hear a shout behind me, and suddenly, a baseball hits me hard on the head. As I stand there in shock, an older girl runs over to me, apologizing, and asking if I'm okay. I start crying because it hurts so much and she lead me to the nurse's office. The pain in my head is unbearable. I feel as if there are a ton of bricks on top of me and it's constantly pushing my head down. There is a ringing in my ears and my vision is slightly blurred, like a twisting kaleidoscope, for a couple of seconds. There are a variety of flashing colors that I see before me, and I stop walking for awhile. I touch the bump on my head and wince. I close my eyes and let the older girl lead me to the nurse's office. The nurse, a chubby lady, guides me to a bed and tells me to lay down. The older girl, worriedly, tells the nurse what happens, but I tune out and try to rest. I close my eyes and put my hand on my head. As a breeze flows by me, I realize that there is an open window in the room, and I hear birds chirping and cars passing by. Without knowing it, I fall asleep. I wake up to feel something terribly cold and realize that the nurse has put an ice pack on my head. As the minutes tick by, I begin to feel a little bit better. The pounding in my head recedes and I, unsteadily, stand up. I look for the door and cautiously walk toward it. As I enter another room, I see the nurse and walk up to her. She smiles at me and asks with concern if I feel better. I nod gratefully, and she lets me go home.

It is the one thing that I cherish and trust…
I am returning to Alhambra with my family from Las Vegas. The ride home is quiet because we are all exhausted and the rest of the three people are asleep. We are in a mountainous region and the sun is beginning to rise. I continue to stare outside the car window and enjoy its warmth. The view is magnificent. The haze around us is starting to disappear and the sun is forming its full, round circle as it climbs higher and higher from the mountains to the sky. As I look around and breathe in the fresh morning air, my mind is trying to hold the trip in my memory. I remember the thrill of winning stuffed animals when my cousin won the many games that he played. The yelling and screaming of myself and the people around us. I remember the excitement when my mom won money from a slot machine. Her tired face lighting up at the prospect of winning lost money. I remember the curiosity of staying in a hotel room sixteen stories high. The amazement of looking out the window to see the whole lighted city right before my very eyes. But most of all, I'm grateful for having a past, which gives me my identity and sets my apart from everyone else.

my past
My companion in life, holding the unforgettable events
It is the one sacred thing that I cherish and trust
Rushing upon me and pouring memories into my mind
It teaches me a variety of things about life and myself
Realizing new things and discovering my true self.
Allowing me to look back on my experiences and comfort in its memory
©1999

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