So, it appears our lovely home has COCKROACHES! Eek! Last night I was going into the kitchen to get a bagel, and when I opened up the utensil drawer, this roach the size of a yorkshire terrier was lurking in there, waiting for me. I freaked out and jumped about twelve feet back, and when I returned to investigate, the little varmint had vanished! I don't know where the hell he went, it was the weirdest thing. I got a good look at him, and he was one of the most ghastly creatures I've ever seen in my life; a household pest designed by H.R. Giger.

I detest unexpected encounters with nature like that, those reminders that our big civilized world is crawling with scary monsters who are just waiting for us to die so they can eat our eyeballs and climb down our throats and lay eggs in our bellies.

A few years ago I was at my dad's place, and I opened up a loaf of bread and took out a slice that had a big hole right through the middle of it. I took out another slice, which also had a hole in it. I looked down into the bag, and there was a little tunnel that went all the way through the bread, and down at the very end of the tunnel, there was a little bread-cave, with a gray little mousie looking back at me! Of course I completely spazzed out and dropped the bread on the floor, and the mousie made a break for it. I don't know who was more scared; me or the mousie! Needless to say, I always give my bread a thorough once-over before I eat it now.

My all-time favorite gross beast encounter has to be this awful thing that happened to my mom. We were sitting on the couch watching Trapper John, MD or something. Mom was eating some trail mix, and then she suddenly went, "YUGGHH!" and ran to the front door and THREW the trail mix out into the street! When I asked her what was wrong, she said she'd found a live slug in it.

Br-r-r. Let's all go wash our hands and brush our teeth, now.

Speaking of bugs, K's cultivated a disturbing little bug-related habit, lately. She likes to have insect death matches! She goes out into the yard, finds these fat, semi-transluscent green worms that are munching the hell out of her plants, and feeds 'em to the ants. Actually, the worms and the ants often have a furious battle, & it does make for an impressive spectacle. The ants swarm all over the worm, while the worm rears back and strikes at them, just like a snake. Hss! Never let it be said that we don't know how to have a swingin' time. Hey, we make our own fun.

All of this pest talk is reminding me of Scratchy, the MIA possum. Sigh. I wonder where he's gone, what he is doing, and if he is thinking of me. Sure, Scratchy was, technically speaking, a pest, but he was so cute! Besides, he was such a fine, proud pest, perfectly happy to stay under the house and not bother us, but quite civil when we'd go out with a flashlight to visit him on his nightly rounds. K thinks he was poisoned by our psycho old biddy of a neighbor, but I refuse to believe it. The universe can't be that cruel. Witchie-poo really was gunning for him, & it's probably for the best that he's moved on, but I still miss him.

I think I need a pet real bad.