An Immodest Proposal

                         In which I will say things that will apply to

                     A large portion of the Populace, but which will

                    Never apply to me.

 

It has become increasingly clear that with the each successive year our small planet is becoming exceedingly more and more crowded. I, therefore, propose that with a world population in excess of over six billion people that the largest section of the populace be converted into food for the other half; namely, the aging and the elderly. Their ages running roughly from fifty-five on.

 Since the advent of modern medicine, people have been living a longer life span. Some people would say living more than their fair share, thereby severely depleting resources that could be better spent on the young, i.e. food. This, coupled with the fact that they are no longer actively contributing to the society in which they live, leads one to think that they could better serve humanity, by which I mean the young, as an alternative food source.  

  To those people who think that this is cruel and unusual punishment, I must stress that this practice will not go on ad infinitum, but only until the burden on our natural resources is no longer so great. Once the populace is back in harmony with the natural balance, meaning that it can again sustain itself with the fruits of the good green earth, then the endeavor will be shelved until it is needed once more.

 For those of you who still view this as a barbaric practice, consider that with fewer superfluous people siphoning off large quantities of the world’s agricultural produce the starvation rate in the third world countries would be bound to diminish, if not eradicated all together. One must also realize that third world countries also have their own old people who can be converted into food to supplement their dietary needs. 

 It must also be clarified here that I, unlike a gentleman who shall remain nameless, am not advocating that these old people be baked, broiled, or roasted (as said gentleman would have done to the children of the lower classes to feed the rich) because there exists such a thing as human dignity which must be respected. It is my proposal that these noble, self-sacrificing elderly be turned into high protein crackers! Thus saving them from the ignominy of the carving knife and fork.

    It is with a sincere heart that I make this most modest proposal. Not, as some will say, out of any malice or evil intent toward the elderly, but to aid and better my fellow man.