Another old joke I found while cleaning up my email box.  Always good for a laugh.

Note to readers:  The following is humorous satire.  Obeying the rules outlined below can result in serious damage to your computer and its peripherals.

1.  Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive.  Disks should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

2.  Disks should be cleaned and waxed once a week.  Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over teh surface of the disk.  Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool.  When waxing a disk, make sure the surface is even.  This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.  (N.B.: The magnet trick also works well with credit cards to speed approval time at the checkout line...)

3.  Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive.  "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" drives.

4.  Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down.  The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam up the intricate mechanics of the drive.

5.  Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the photo copy machine.  If your data needs to be backed up, simply put two diskettes into your drive.  A handy tip for more legible backups: keep a container of iron filings in your desk, sprinkle liberally between two disks before inserting them into the drive.

6.  Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is on, as this coudl result in smeared or unreadable text.  Occasionally the light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state.  If you drive has begun hooking, you will need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot.

7.  If you diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove it from the drive and shake it vigorously for two minutes.  This will pack the date enough (data compression) to allow for more storage space.  Important: prior ro shaking, cover all openings on the disk with masking tape to prevent data loss.

8.  Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket.  This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

9.  Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.