11-2-00 Hello and welcome to my first rant installment for November.  It's 15 minutes till tomorrow and I"m not tired.  Well, you see, I"m not sure if the feeling in my head is tiredness or just sinus pressure.  I'm very sick, and I don't like it.  Being sick twice in one month (yes this has carried over from last month) is no party, and I'm ready to put all these Kleenex boxes away.  The doctor said it's allergies so she recommended me to an allergist and put me on an inhaler, not to mention several potent medications.  Being sick is causing me to be very dehydtrated so I drink lots of water....which makes me have to go to the bathroom like a crazy person.  It's a cycle of body fluids, really.  And I know you didn't want to hear that, but I don't care too much.  I have never blown my nose so much in my entire life and my nose is sore.  At least I don't have a fever.  That means I can't have the flu.  I went to school today (yes, I actually got up and bathed!) to get my assignments and it was kind of nice to see people and be in civilization for once.  I was hoping that my body would get the hint to get better, but I just started sneezing more.  You wouldn't believe the amount of kleenexes I've gone through.  I watched Whose Line is it Anyway? tonite and that has to be one of the funniest shows on TV right now.  With Drew Carrey and all them.  It's really quite entertaining.  Joey called me tonite! Yay, I'm excited, I haven't heard from him in forever.  Oh, and Joey:  I haven't made a decision yet, but that's because I can't make my mind up.  I just don't want to be a psycho about it.  Hopefully it'll work itself out without making me completely insane. Anyway. I added a ton of Camus quotes if you didn't notice because I've been so freaking...without anything to do.  Save me from my sinuses!!! I feel a sneeze coming on....oooh....no it's gone.  I hate when I can't sneeze. I had no idea there was a new Better Than Ezra CD out.  Cory just told me.  Well, I'll have to get that for my birthday.  As well as their old new one.  The one that came out after Friction, Baby.  OK this  is a nice long weekend isn't it?  Haha, fabulous.  I"m sick for the  long weekend.  No matter.  I suppose on Sunday, everybody can come over to watch the FOX premieres.  4 straight hours of tv shows.  The simpsons, king of the hill, malcolm in the middle, something else, and XFiles.  Ooh, um, nevermind. Yeah, so if you're reading this, you're welcome to come over Sunday.  But only if you bring food or something.  Or something interesting.  Or a box of kleenex.  I"m trying to download lots of stuff off Napster since it's going to become a pay service sooner or later.  I read that in the paper today when I woke up.  Isn't that sad?  Oh well. Hm, who would I have voted for if I were 18?  Most likely either Gore or Nader.  I really didn't follow politics or anything like I should have and I don't really know much about their platforms, but I know both Gore and Nader are pro choice and pro women's rights and against discrimination against gay couples and such.  So.  I watched Nader on Hardball with So-and-So the other night in Madison, Wisconsin and that was interesting. 112 MP3's.  About to be 113.  Woohoo.  I'm on my way up there.  Haha, there's nobody online right now except me, Cory, and Skip (Jessica's ex boyfriend).  This is what happens when I'm sick and don't want to go to bed.  I stay up online for hours at a time doing nothing in particular. Arrgh, I hate not having any email!  I want email. You know, I was reading this thing on writingz.com and the guy was talking about when you have The DAY.  You know.  The day in your life that you get every once in a long while when everything is perfect, you are happy, things are going your way, and basically, that day gives you a whole reason to continue living.  The guy was saying he'd gone way too long without having one of those days, and I know what he means.  I try to hink back to one of those times when I was so happy for no reason at all.  And I don't even remember what was going on in my life at the time-- except I was undeniably, inexplicably happy.  You know when that was?  That was like...that was freaking freshman year I think.  I haven't felt like that since then.  And yeah I've been happy, of course...I've had moments where the entire world seemed perfectly right to me...but I haven't had The DAY.  I don't know what that means.  Surely it doesn't mean I'll be trapped in this Limbo of melancholy forever because I've been really happy and whatnot...but there's also been a lot of gray...I don't know.  I need to shut up now.  But, anyway, I forgot what I was going to say next. Oh yeah.  I feel like I need to go and do something stupid and non-Caroline-like.  And I don't mean get drunk-- I don't drink at all.  ouch I just sneezed really hard. But I need to distract myself and have fun and do something.  Of course...I'll have to recuperate first from this NAGGING ILLNESS but then I"ll be ok.  Maybe when people come over Sunday I"ll be ok.  Yeah, that'll be nice. arrgh, Napster just stopped playing my music, but it's still downloading, so that means everything is ok... Oh, Fiesta was fun Tuesday night (although i think that was the final straw in making me really sick).  I got all dressed up like a freak and had a great time doing it.  I love dressingup like that.  Michael said I should go to school like that every day.  But it's so high maintenance!  I mean do you even realize how much gel it took to get my hair to stay like that?  No way am I willing to do that.  So I guess I just wouldn't wash my hair for a few weeks- that'll go over reallll well.  But I dunno, the whole bit was fun and I jumped around like a crazy person-- my back killed me the next day.  Nobody freaking played Weezer, but that's ok I'm not bitter.  JIm sang Wild Horses which was a great surprise, I love that song.  Haha, I love how I totally didnt care what anyone thought about me at all tuesday night.  Not at all.  I love that feeling, it's really liberating.  Everybody should feel like that.  Things would be a lot cooler. I hope you tried the vegetables and dip, I brought that, it's good stuff, you should have eaten it.  My lips are chapped so now when I sneeze, they split.  Ouch.  whew, that hurts.  Try drinking orange juice with chapped lips sometime-- not altogether the most pleasant feeling in the world.  I should go to bed but I don't want to.  I hope my song is done downloading.  Ooh about 10 seconds. Oh God....headache....owwwaaaahhhhaaaa.......sinus presssssure..... oh i'm listening to a great song now.  "Light in your eyes" by Blessed Union of Souls. I also got 3 songs from Cake.  woohoo. Kinda sad song, you know?  Last thing I need.  But what can I do?  Nothing.  Exactly. So I have to go on.  Yes, I suppose I do.