Dirty Little Secret

To the world we're just strangers,
Occasionally meeting by chance,
Politely distant to each other,
Until he asks me to dance…

To the sounds of Sinatra,
Floating in the night air,
Swirling around the room,
As he breathes in my hair…

Then silently whispering to me,
"Your room, in an hour"
Then spins me away from his world,
As I wait for his presence…

I know this is all wrong,
I wish I could say something more,
What is lacking in me?
Nothing more then a whore…

Then, clutching at his hair,
Body throbbing with need,
Nails scratching down his back,
Body arched in ecstasy…

Sheets stained with our sweat,
Basking in the afterglow heat,
The room reeks of sex,
He takes me again with greed…

We lie there so limply,
Peace of body and of mind…
Sleepily caressing each other,
Then he notices the time…

Quietly getting up from the bed,
Hoping I'm too tired to be aware,
Looking for the clothes he tossed,
I just lay there and stare…

"Baby, don't be like that,"
He says, as he's kissing me goodbye,
"Isn't it better this way?"
As he makes plans for the next time…

Better for whom, I wanted to shriek,
Better for you but not for I!
Too embarrassed to acknowledge me?
You're just living a lie!

Is it because my dresses are too tight?
Or because I laugh too hard?
Is it because I'm not pretty enough?
Am I somehow marred?

He will never take me home to meet Mother,
Never at his parties will we two meet,
He'll never hold my hand in public,
In his eyes, I'll never be sweet…

"They aren't ready to know," he says,
"They just won't understand,
"This is my life, my love,
"Not a game in fantasy land…"

But this is my life too,
My pride that is in shreds,
Why must you hide me away?
I want more then your bed…

Don't tell me that you love me,
We both know it's not true,
Don't tell me that you need me,
I'm just an object for you to use…

I should walk away now,
I should never look back,
I have more dignity then this!
But it is strength that I lack…

So I wait for him again,
And again and again until he see,
That I'm more then a toy,
Or until he leaves me…

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