After nine months of waddling like a duck, morning sickness, and being so bloated you feel like the Goodyear Blimp, you finally go into labor. They don't call it labor for nothing. You squeeze and you push and you agonizingly drag something the size and weight of a large watermelon from your tortured body. Bleeding and in pain, all you do is want to go to sleep, but the creature they pulled from your body is now hollering. Begging for you to let it suckle on your breasts. By the time it's done, your nipples are tender and aching, and you can see a noticible...a decided...sag to your once prominant and proud breasts.
Not a pretty sight? Well, be prepared for this is what you will get when you have children. And it doesn't stop at birth! That is merely the begining! Now, be prepared for EIGHTEEN more years of emotional, finanical and physical pain.
Now is the time for you to ask...why have children?
In ancient, medieval times, people had many children to help them out in the fields and home as they got older. Parents didn't have 401K plans to prepare for retirement, and relied upon offspring to provide for them in their old age. Not to mention a decided lack of contraceptives, these people of olden times, didn't have much of a choice, but to give birth and raise the little mongrels as best they could.
Then, as time went on, and the life of the average person got better, people started having kids, because they want to "continue the family line". But, think about this - to what purpose? What will continuing the family line do? And more importantly, how can you be sure that your progeny, is worthy of continuing your good name and reputation. You would hate to have Dave Berkowitz as your son, and have everyone know that he is the Son of Sam, wouldn't you?
So why else to have kids? Because you love them so? If you want a screaming colic baby at four in the morning, right before a major meeting with a client, well, I guess, everyone has gets their kicks their own way. But I seriously doubt that is anyone idea of a good time...
So why have children?
After giving birth, you will now have to raise it, feeding, clothing and nuturing it. Sure, there are moments of pure joy when he learns how to say "mommy" and "daddy" and the first time she learns how to walk. But also keep in mind that this period only lasts about a year. After which, the child will learn how to say "no" and will continue saying "no" to you until he's eighteen.
Which brings us to the teen age years. Are you sure you want to suffer through this? The teen angst, the rebellion, the anger, the frustration? The staying up until four in the morning, because your teenage daughter is going out with a guy named "Rage", or driving to bail your son out of jail because all his friends thought that it would be fun to spray graffitti on your boss's new car?
And then you have to ask yourself about college. Naturally you'll try to do the decent thing and provide a college fund for your child. But do you think he's honestly studying hard at school? If you aren't sure of this answer, just think back to YOUR old college days. Need I say more?
And this is only if you're LUCKY! What if he never leaves home, but lives with you for the rest of your life? Leeching off of you for years and years beyond the mere eighteen years you thought that you only had to put up with! Now where are those cute baby sounds now?
No, it's best for you to put that money away and treat yourself to a fun cruise around the world, or to go see Paris in April. Remodel the house with the money, or even go to Vegas and see how much of it you can blow...heck, after all, it's YOUR money, and you won't have to worry about paying for braces, college or new cars any more!
So, before you boink like bunnies tonight, ask yourself...why have kids?
Do yourself a favor and just say no...