Most everyone is generally, if not recently, familiar with the incident a few years ago, involving a family of three bears and a young girl known as Goldilocks. Basically, it involved a case of breaking and entering and a small amoung of juvenile deliquency on the part of Goldilocks. That case ended without prosecution, in spite of Goldilocks being caught red-handed, still inside the bear's home, probably because Goldilocks was too young to be treated as an adult, and because bears tend to be rather forgiving creatures. The fact that the bear family in question had, at the time, several relatives serving time in St. Louis and San Diego may have been a factor as well.

    One would think that the experience of being caught by the bears should have taught Goldilocks a lesson about invading others' homes and using their possessions without permission. Alas, it appears it did not. Perhaps Goldilocks was a bit slow-witted. There was a second incident a few years later, when Goldilocks was clearly old enough to know better, although family influence and a cooperative press managed to mostly cover it up. This time it involved a family of three hippopotami.

    Goldilocks was in her mid twenties and on a summer-long safari through the savannahs of Kenya. She wasn't a scientist of anything, or even a nature photographer, just a twenty-something with a surplus of money and a shortage of ambition and sense.

    One day Goldilocks went out exploring on her own. She saw all sorts of interesting things; lions, zebras, herds of wildebeasts, huge crocodiles, and even an elephant pr two. All the animals she encountered were well behaved and friendly. Mostly they politely acknowledged her presense as she passed, each in its own way, and quickly and discretely returned to its own business. Of course, the crocodiles and lions had just finished dinner for the day or they might have taken greater notice.

    Eventually, Goldilocks came to the home of a family of three Hippopotami.Really it was more of an estate than just a home; occupying several acreas and surrounded by a high wall of lush vegetation. No one was home at the Hippo estate, but, as you might expect, knowing her history and all, Goldilocks went in anyway.

    It wasn't long before Goldilocks came to the Hippo's kitchen. Really it wasn't a kitchen in the traditional sense, with a sink and a stove and a refrigerator; it was more of a dining area. It had large piles of different kinds of grasses and plants, and a small stream of clear water. To one side were three hollows dug into the ground and filled with mixtures of water and various kinds of greenery. They were the Hippo's dinner, soaking and fermenting for use later in the day. Goldilocks went over to the largest one, obviously belonging to Mr. Hippo. She sniffed at it.

    "Uggh!," she said in disgust. "That's revolting....I'll bet its been fermenting for days."

    Then Goldilocks went over to the medium-sized hollow, apparently belonging to Mrs. Hippo. She sniffed at it as she had the first.

    "Not much better," she said out loud. "Not as rotten as the other, but pretty bad just the same."

    Goldilocks went over to the third hollow, which was sized about right for a very young Hippo. It belonged to Junior Hippopotamous, but, of course, Goldilocks did not know that. She sniffed at the goopy mixture.

    "Oh, much better," she said. "If you like wet grass..."

    Goldilocks did not sample junior's dinner, of course, not having the digestive system for grass. She moved on instead.

    Soon Goldilocks came to the Hippo's living room. It was an area of tall grass in the shade of some very large trees. There were three places where the grass was pressed flat to the ground.

    The first, belonging to Mr. Hippo, was extremely large and the grass was pressed to the ground very tightly, as though by something very heavy. It was also very worn, as though it had been used for many years, sort of like an old easy-chair.

    Goldilocks walked into Mr. Hippo's "chair" and immediately went out again.

    "Phew!" she said. "That place smells like an old, rotten easy chair."

    Goldilocks then came to Mrs. Hippo's resting area. here the grass was trampled similarly to Mr. Hippo's area but not as badly. Goldilocks explored here longer than before, but not for long.

    "Hippos sure don't smell very good," she said as she left.

    Next, Goldilocks came to Junior's rest area. here the grass was only bent down a little and the odor was only just noticeable. She actually decided to lie down in the grass to enjoy the warming sun, but she got up after just a minute when she discovered she was lying on an ant nest.

    "Yikes!" she exclaimed, brushing off the ants. "Its a good thing these arn't fire ants."

    Goldilocks continued to roam through the Hippo's estate for better than an hour. Eventually, however, she came to the Hippo's favorite place; their mud wallow.

    "Ooooh!," Goldilocks said. "Now this looks interesting.

    First, Goldilocks discovered Mr. Hippo's mud wallow. It was huge, at least fifty feet across, and the mud was very thick. Goldilocks took off her shoes and tried to wade in a foot or so.

    "Very interesting," said Goldilocks, enjoying the feel of the mud squishing between her toes. "But its way too thick and it feels like it could have sharp twigs hidden under the surface."

    Goldilocks quickly left the huge wallow and went over to the slightly smaller one belonging to Mrs. Hippo. This one was more water than mud.

    "No, way too watery," said Goldilocks after a minute or two wading around up to her knees. She considered going skinny-dipping but decided against it.

    After a few more minutes Goldilocks came to Junior's wallow. It was only twelve feet or so across, but it was filled with very soft, pure mud. Goldilocks waded in rather enthusiastically. Soon she was well into the gooey mud, enjoying its texture all over her body. Perhaps it was the heat of the day or perhaps something else, but Goldilocks was soon quite overcome but the sensuousness of the mud.

    At about this time, the Hippo's returned home. Mrs. Hippo noticed the gate was open as they returned and was quite cross with Mr. Hippo for leaving it open. As soon as they reached their kitchen area, however, they immediately realized the gate had been opened by someone else.

    "Someone's been messing with my soup," said Mr. Hippo. "Look, there are footprints right up to the edge.

    "Someone's been messing with my soup, too," said Mrs. Hippo. "The footprints look human., I think."

    "Someone's been messing with my soup, too," said Juniot. "I don't think they ate any though."

    Mr. Hippo picked up a large branch for possible use as a weapon and the Hippos cautiously began to search their estate. They quickly came to their resting areas.

    "Someone's been in my resting spot," said Mr. Hippo. "There are more footprints....and I think I can smell perfume of some kind."

    "Someone's been in my resting spot," said Mrs. Hippo. "I definitely smell perfume, although a rather cheap variety."

    "Someone's been in my resting spot," said Junior. "It looks like they might even have been sleeping here, although they should have seen the ants."

    The Hippos search on, eventually coming to their wallow areas.

    "Someone's been in my wallow," bellowed Mr. Hippo. "They even left behind a pair of shoes."

    "Someone's been in my wallow," complained Mrs. Hippo. "We ought to get a crocodile of two."

    "Someone's been in my wallow," cried Junior. "And it looks like they left some things behind.

    Junior waded in to the wallow and retrieved several articles of human clothing floating on the surface. "I wonder who was here," he said.

    Goldilocks was never seen again, of course.