Copyright Disclaimers: The Sex and the City characters and world belong to HBO, Time Warner and all other parties that own the show. This work of fiction is strictly for individual enjoyment and not for profit.

Timeline disclaimer: This was initally conceived between the third and fourth seasons.

Benders of Light

Completed in 2002 By "Just Call Me Carrie"

I was in the midst of the biggest writer’s block I’d had in ages. I was dead in the water and nothing was coming to me. That’s when the phone rang.

It was Miranda. She was mixed up in a relationship where she actually wasn’t in charge. He was handsome. He was well educated. He was very wealthy. And he was on the exact opposite team. Mark was from Los Angeles and was flown in by his firm to handle this sticky situation. According to Miranda, all involved parties were under a gag order by one of the toughest judges in the city of New York. But that didn’t bother Miranda and Mark. Talking wasn’t on their list of things to do.

My phone call from Miranda today was another in a long line since Mark had flown back to L.A.

“Do you think I emasculated him?” asked Miranda.

“Oh, honey. We’ve been over this. You’re not solely responsible for the win. It was a team effort.” I replied, knowing it would only bring more arguments.

“I know, but he hasn’t called since he left. Do you think I should call him again?”

She was looking for an answer I wasn’t going to give her.

“Look, how many messages can you leave for this guy? And why are you so obsessed with him? I’ve never seen you like this before.” I implored.

“I don’t know what it is. I just miss him.” She replied unconvincingly.

“You what? You never miss anything, let alone anyone!” I said in shock with a bit of a chuckle. However, I bit my tongue when she spoke.

“I just don’t know where we left things. He left and said he’d call as soon as he had the chance and he hasn’t. I just hate that.” She was really down.

“Listen, Miranda, I’m on a tight deadline and I’m suffering from a bad case of writer’s block. I’ve told you what I think. You’re just feeling the effects of hearing about Steve and it’s making you a little insecure.”

“Insecure? I am not insecure! I’m just… just… oh, damn! I’m NOT insecure about anything!” Miranda shot back. “How can he be engaged? He just moved out two months ago! And to that Bitch! She’s the one who called while he still lived here!

“Okay, I’m being unreasonable. I’m being irrational. I’m… I’m definitely not insecure!”

She paused for a breath and I jumped in. “Okay, honey. My advice is to forget about that surfer boy and stop the California dreamin’. He’s 3,000 miles away and you’re getting all worked up over a hopeless cause.” I paused for more backlash but none came.

“Oh, you’re probably right. He’s so far away and hates it here. And there’s no way I’m moving there. It’s not cut-throat enough for my blood.” She sounded calmer.

“That’s my girl.”

“Besides what am I getting all worked up over? The guy couldn’t even argue a simple corporate legal case and he was supposedly their golden child. Thanks Carrie. You always have a way of putting things into perspective for me.” She sounded relieved.

“You bet.” I said, knowing I hadn’t really done anything. “Gotta go now. Deadline.”

“Okay.” She replied.

We both hung up and I finally had my story…

Were black holes of relationships a constant? Or did they resemble rational, sane and secure people most of the time? Was insecurity just a case of temporary insanity on a case-by-case basis or were there people who were constantly insecure and looking for others to suck into their black holes of despair, bending light with their insecurity?

Perhaps this was too close to home. After all, it’s not likely that I would be voted Miss Security in any demented pageant any time soon.

Big said he’d leave. Then he said he couldn’t. Then he said he loved me. Then he said he’d leave again. Then we slept together. Then he was gone. Then I called his cell phone for days. Okay, so maybe it was weeks. He never called back.

It was two weeks ago that I saw the announcement in the paper. Big and Natasha were having a baby. Well, maybe not a baby but it was close. They were starting a foundation for underprivileged children. There they were smiling at each other, holding hands. Each was carrying a small child in their free arm. They looked happy. They looked like a couple nowhere near splitting up.

That’s when it hit me. “Okay, so that’s how it is. At least I know where I stand now. I can move on.”

But could I? Was I ready to move on? I had one loose end to tie up… Aiden. I needed to apologize to him and him to forgive me, so I called him.

“Damn, his machine.” I waited for the beep. “Aiden, it’s me. I’m sure you don’t want to see me but I really need to talk you. Please call me…” I paused, lost in what to say and then placed the receiver back in the cradle.

The phone rang immediately. I picked it up, “Aiden?”

“Oh, dear.” It was Sam. “You’ve got it bad. Do you really think he’d call you after finding you and Big?”

“Gee, Samantha, was there a reason you called or are you just trying to destroy me?” I asked half serious, half sarcastic.

“Look, don’t get pissed off at me because you fucked up. My men know I’m not exclusive. I can’t say the same for yours.” She retorted.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I fucked up. So, do you think Aiden will forgive me?

“Well, I’m sure if you beg and plead and get down on your knees… literally… he may consider it. However, I wouldn’t count on it.” She replied in that oh-so-Sam way.

“I really messed up this time. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call? Or are you just trying to take me away from my deadline and distract me from my miserable existence?” I quipped.

“Oh, that’s it! You’re coming whether you like it or not!”

“Where?”

“Just be looking fabulous in one hour. Screw the deadline. This will make your day. No wait, your year.”

There was click and she was gone. I started to panic. Should I go? What about my deadline? This was cutting it very close. Perhaps some new surroundings would help. I could pick up some ideas for the column. Of course, I was attempting to justify wearing my new $400 shoes and it was working.

One hour later, I was wearing a little back dress with the new shoes, of course, being whisked out of my building by Samantha, and shoved into a limousine. I don’t even recall her saying hello. As we pulled away from the curb, I pelted her with questions about where we were going.

“You’ll see.” She said with a sly smile.

“I hope this isn’t one of your crazy all-nighters with no actual plan.”

“Oh, no, honey. You’ll be thanking me for this for a long time to come.”

“Okay.” And I left it at that until we pulled up to the door of an old warehouse.

Sam must have seen the look on my face because she placed her hand on my arm and said, “Trust me. This is well worth it.”

Our chauffer opened the door and we stepped out into the dusk. Before we even made it to the door, it slid open on very large wheels and very large man in a very black suit was waiting for us. Sam handed him what appeared to be an invitation but it too was in black and didn’t appear to have anything written on it.

The large man disappeared behind the large door for a moment and then returned. He handed Sam the black invitation and escorted us into the darkness. The door slid closed behind us with a loud clank. We were engulfed in total blackness and then a door in front of us opened and there was a huge nightclub, complete with pulsating music and bodies moving to the beat. Then it hit me. There were men and women walking around with drink trays and nothing else! The servers were completely naked.

I looked at Sam and she was just staring at me waiting to see my reaction.

“Well?”

“Well, I’m speechless. What is this place?”

“Oh, it’s just a little club some clients of mine started. It’ll be uprooted and moved in the next few days.”

“What do you mean? Is this one of those floater clubs I’ve heard about?”

“Heard about? Honey, this is THE floater club. This is the one that started it all. Let’s get a drink. There’s something I want you to see.”

And with that we were moving through a sea of bodies heading toward a corner that seemed a million miles away. As we made our way through the waves of bodies in various states of undress, I prayed that I wouldn’t run into anybody I actually knew.

“I hope you’re ready for this.” Sam said as she pulled me through a crowd of people who appeared to be staring at something on the floor.

Suddenly we were thrust into the front row and that’s when I saw it. Kneeling on the floor, on all fours, was a woman. Her skin was shining under the lights. A lot of skin! That’s when it hit me. She was completely naked.

“Oh, my God!” I said as I looked at Sam. She was looking at me and laughing.

“I know!” She said, “Can you believe its Stephen?”

What she said didn’t make any sense to me.

“Stephen? Stephen who?” And that’s when I turned back to the woman with the caramel skin and realized there was a man… well… attached to her. Not just any man, but Stephen, the husband to a former tag-along who dropped us all like a bad habit once she met “Mister Wonderful”, married, moved to Connecticut and popped out a few kids. And now, here’s mister wonderful going from doggy-style to missionary-style and I had seen enough. I turned and walked away.

Sam came after me right away, “Oh, honey! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.” She was holding my arm. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to run out of the building. I chose laughter.

“You were right! This is something I’ll never forget!” I flashed my smile and Sam was so relieved she hugged my neck.

“Do you want to go?” She asked.

“Are you kidding? No! I need to look around some more! Well, at least other areas of the club. It’s not very often that I get to go to a floater and I’m going to soak it up.”

That’s when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew it wasn’t Sam because she was standing in front of me with a horrified look on her face. Slowly, I turned and was faced with the smiling face and naked body of Mr. Wonderful.

“Carrie, I thought it was you. And… Sam… right?” He was acting as if he was in a pair of Dockers and a collared shirt.

“Right,” was all Sam could say. With that, she walked away and left me there with Mr. Wonderful and… Boy Wonder.

“Carrie, you look good. I’m a little surprised to see you here because I was just thinking about you.”

Apparently, he had no idea that I was about to toss my dinner of Pepsi and a cigarette all over his… well, him.

“Um… I… I have to go.” I turned and walked away. He followed quickly and was in front of me again.

“What’s your hurry? We have a lot of catching up to do.” He smiled. “Come on. I promise I won’t bite. Besides, there’s something I want to talk with you about.”

That wasn’t what I was worried about.

“On one condition. That you drape something over yourself.” I couldn’t even look at him.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I always forget that I don’t have any clothes on.”

Was he kidding? How could he not realize he was naked? The draft alone should have been a clue.

Ten minutes later Stephen was partially dressed and had joined me at a small table in the middle of the room. The look on Sam’s face alone was worth the entire conversation.

“So, Carrie. You’re looking very good.”

I always knew Stephen was a player but I figured he’d settle down after he married. Guess not.

“Thank you.” I said as I pulled a cigarette and my lighter from my bag.

“Let me.” He said as he took the lighter in one hand and placed the other hand on my thigh.

I looked down at his hand and then looked him dead in the face. My look was saying, “Move it or lose it, buddy.” While my mind was saying, “What the fuck!?” His look, on the other hand, was saying, “What? I know you want it.”

“Stephen, move your hand.”

Slowly, he slid his hand down my thigh, to my knee and then back to his own lap. He leaned back in his chair with a smug look on his face.

“Where is Jenna?” I smiled.

His expression cooled. “She’s at home with the kids.” His recovery was remarkable.

“Oh, so… she doesn’t join you on nights like this?”

“Look, Carrie, Jenna and I have an understanding. I don’t bug her for sex and she let’s me have my fun.” He seemed very secure in his answer.

“Stephen, my friend is waiting for me. What did you want to talk to me about?” My patience was wearing thin and time was running out for the column.

“Are you seeing anybody right now?” He asked. “I heard your man up and married somebody else. That must have hurt.”

“Well, we all have our little heartaches, don’t we?” I was trying not to rip his throat out.

“What did I want to talk to you about? Well, I’ve been having this crazy dream about you for quite some time now.”

I had to wonder how many women he had used this line on. I nodded for him to continue.

“And I was just curious if you ever thought about me?” He leaned in.

“No, Stephen, can’t say that I have.” I leaned back and took a drag off of my cigarette and blew it in is face. He moved back to his corner of the table.

“You know, we could really be beneficial to each other.” He said.

“Really? How?” I never did play dumb very well.

“You’re not seeing anybody right now and obviously my wife isn’t meeting my needs. Maybe we could work out some sort of an arrangement.”

He must be kidding!

“And what kind of arrangement were you thinking about?”

“Well, we could meet with no strings attached.” He tilted his head and smiled.

Oh, brother.

“Stephen, not only have you never crossed my mind since you and your pseudo wife left town, but being forced to even consider the thought of sex with you right now is enough to make me… well… ill.” I pushed my chair back and began to stand. He grabbed my hand.

“If you don’t let go of my hand, chances are you’ll go home without it.” I smiled a sweet smile as his hand moved from mine.

“Have a nice life.” And with that I walked away.

I met Sam at the bar.

“Honey, you might want to consider bottling whatever it is you have.” She laughed and brought out a laugh in me as well.

I snuffed out my cigarette in an ashtray and said, “Let’s get out of here!”

“I’m with you. Any place you’d like to go?” She asked as we turned to leave.

The word ‘home’ was about to leave my lips when I ran into him and once again Sam excused herself. It was Big.

“Hello, Carrie. Can I buy you a drink?” He had that sideways smile that he knew was my weakness.

“We’re just leaving.” I tried to be cool and move past him.

He stepped in front of me and took my arm. “What’s your hurry? We need to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Well, I have a few things to say to you. I’m leaving Natasha.”

Did he think this would make me happy? Did he think I would be so stunned that I couldn’t move?

I could only reply. “That’s sad.” And I really meant it.

“Sad? What the hell are you talking about? I love you and I tell you I’m leaving my wife for you and you think it’s sad?” He was angry.

“Yes, I think it’s sad!” I annunciated each syllable. “I think it’s sad that you’re not satisfied with the choices that YOU made. I think it’s sad that you want to suck other people into you miserable life just so you’re not lonely. You’re just going to have to learn to deal with that all on your own honey because I’m not here for you anymore.”

As the words tumbled from my mouth, I realized they might be a bit stronger than I wanted but when his hand dropped from my arm, I moved past him and never looked back.

I had escaped the black hole of idiocy, the black hole of despair and the black hole of insecurity all in one evening. Hell, it all happened in less than an hour. I was ready to leave and went looking for Sam…

While I was escaping my black holes, Charlotte was involved with a few black holes of her own…

She was hosting an opening at the gallery and the pieces were virtually flying off the walls. An artist from the Midwest had hit New York like a whirlwind. He had real city grit that only real New Yorkers could pull off. But somehow this Indiana farm boy did it without missing a beat. His work was dark, had real depth and was damn expensive.

The Indiana farm boy did have a name. It was Christian. And Christian was unbelievably handsome as well as talented. The blond hair and pale blue eyes were just the beginning. There was an edge to his personality that made him attractive to every female in the room, eligible or not. That included Charlotte.

And that’s where the problems began. In my dear friend’s usual Victorian manner, she began running scenarios through her mind. The first one took her on a sexual adventure with Christian in the cloakroom. She was in the midst of the steamy scene when she heard her name.

“Charlotte… Charlotte?… Charlotte, are you okay?” It was Trey.

With that, her vision vanished and she was face to face with her soon to be husband.

She tried to smile but it just came out crooked. “I was just imaging Christian… I mean Christian’s next show. I should start planning it right away. Ride on the coat tails of this show.” The pun hadn’t escaped her and she chuckled to herself.

“Alrighty.” He said. “I’m getting a bit tired and have an early meeting tomorrow. Would you mind if I headed home?” His arm slipped around her waist and she felt warm and secure.

“Oh. No, that’s fine. I understand. I’ll be here quite late trying to straighten out all the billing and shoeing people out of here. You go and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I thought you might come over once you finished here.” He looked dejected.

“I would if you hadn’t told me about your meeting in the morning. I’ll see you tomorrow night and we can catch up then. Okay?” She hoped she wasn’t too transparent.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you, sweetie.” And Trey left the opening.

Charlotte was scanning the room for the star of the night. She didn’t see him and thought she should get to work. As she turned away from the crowd she stopped cold. There he was, sitting on the corner of her desk, arms folder across his chest, head tilted a bit to the side and he was staring right at her. This wasn’t a casual once over from head to toe. Oh, no. This was direct eye contact, as if he’d been waiting for her to turn around and see him. The look was unnerving and Charlotte had a difficult time trying to catch her breath and moving at the same time.

But in typical Charlotte fashion, she shook it off and approach Christian with what she hope looked like a casual air.

“Well, Christian, you must be very proud. You are the toast of the town!”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” He said in that depressed artist tone that was cute because of his Midwestern twang. But Charlotte was sure she caught the glimmer of a smile.

“Oh, Christian. You’re teasing me. Your show is almost sold out!” She said as she smiled and brushed her hand against his arm. Instantly she pulled it away as if she’d touch a hot stove. And once again he looked her directly in the eye.

“Um. Do… uh… do… Do you think I should grab another case of champagne? This looks like a late crowd.” She knew her face was flushed. “I’ll check on the thermostat too. It’s a bit too warm in here. She started to walk away and realized Christian was standing too.

“Good idea. You should really mix with the guests again. You’re quite popular with the single ladies.”

“Well, I was actually going to help you with the champagne. I know those cases can be pretty heavy.” He started to follow her.

“No, that won’t be necessary. I can get one of the waiters to help.” Charlotte was going into panic mode. She knew she shouldn’t be alone in a dark room with this man.

“Charlotte,” she like the way he said her name. “Just let me help. All the waiters are busy with your, I mean our guests and I’m right here. You’re not afraid of me, are you?”

She did her nervous laugh. “Afraid? You are so silly. Why on earth would I be afraid of you? Okay, you can help but only on one condition. As soon as we’re finished, you start paying attention to your guests. Deal?”

“Deal.” He said with another unnerving stare that was followed up by a crooked smile.

Charlotte had an uneasy feeling. She wasn’t afraid of Christian but she knew he had a darker wild side that she wasn’t sure she was prepared to handle.

“Okay, then, it’s this way.” And with that, Charlotte started toward the galleries storage room and on an adventure that would open her eyes in ways she never knew were possible.

Meanwhile, I was about to give up on Sam when I found her back against a wall having been cornered by a really obese man with a drink in one hand and Sam’s shoulder in the other. He was loud, he was sweaty and he was smoking a fat cigar in the same fat fingers that were pressing down on Sam’s shoulder as if she might float away if he let go. The smoke from the cigar was swirling around Sam’s face and every few seconds she was waving her hand through it in hopes that he would get the hint. He never did. The look on her face told me she was in need of some serious rescuing. But when I think of Sam, I don’t often conjure up the damsel in distress scene, so this was one of those rare occasions that I just had to stand back and absorb for a moment. That’s when we made eye contact and my fun was over. I approach with a knowing grin.

“Well, there you are!” I said as I slid my hand around her arm. I glanced at her pursuer and almost winced. The bad teeth, oily hair and 80s suit were really scary. “I thought you might have drowned.”

And, in a move that will go down in history as being way out of character for me, I stood on tippy-toe and kissed her on the cheek. From the corner of my eye, I could see the man’s expression was one of true confusion and it was all I could do to keep from bursting into laughter. His hand slid from Sam’s shoulder as if he was hoping I didn’t notice.

“Sorry, honey. I was just having a chat with this nice man here and lost track of time.” Sam said as she slipped her arm around my waist. She was never one to miss a beat.

“Well, Fred, it was nice chatting with you.”

Fred really had no recognizable things to say. I’m sure there was an “Uh…” and an “Um…” and that was about it. We walked away and before we were out of earshot we burst into laughter.

“Honey, your timing is impeccable.”

“Don’t mention it. Can we go now?” I was ready to write my column now. Only two hours before the deadline, but whose counting anyway?

“Sure. Let’s go.”

And with that, I had helped Sam narrowly escape a black hole of her own, the black hole of the man who wanted to date outside of his species.

While Sam and I were climbing into our limo and chuckling about our narrow escape, Charlotte was trying to do some escaping of her own…

It seems that when she entered into the darkness of the storage room, the dark side of Christian emerged. He followed her until they reached the crates of champagne. Charlotte thought she was home free. Once his arms were full, he wouldn’t be able to grab her. Not that that’s what he was really thinking. I mean, really! Charlotte had only created this scenario in her mind and had no real evidence that Christian thought of her as anything more than the lady with the gallery. But she had had a few mental images of the two of them rolling around on some hillside covered in wildflowers. Because that type of thing happens all the time in New York City!

Charlotte had mentioned a few of the dreams she had about Christian and we all got a good chuckle out of just how uncomfortable thoughts of a man other than Trey made her. Charlotte became so angry at our teasing that she actually stood and left our favorite bistro. That’s when we stopped teasing her about Christian and she stopped telling us about her dreams.

Apparently; however, the dreams continued and now appeared as though at least one of them would come true. Well, if you exclude the white knight and the horse and the tower and the rescuing and the rolling around on the hillside.

Charlotte bent over to lift the lid off of the top case of champagne when she felt a hand run along her spine. She stood and turned around so quickly that her leg caught the corner of the rough-cut pine box and slashed a gouge in her calf. This threw her off balance and she toppled to the floor. She screeched as she went down but wasn’t sure if it was due to shock or pain.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he swooped down to help her. Okay, perhaps there was a bit of rescuing. Or maybe just a bit of first aid.

“No, I’m not okay! What were you thinking scaring me like that? Now look at me! I’m bleeding and I’ve bruised my… well, you know… my butt!” Charlotte was waving her hands around and ranting like a crazy woman.

“What is your problem anyway?” She stared at him waiting for an answer. But he just stared back.

“What?” She yelled. “What are you looking at? Why do you keep staring at me like that?”

“You don’t know?”

Had he moved closer? He seemed awfully close.

“No.” She was quieter this time and wondering if he wasn’t casting some spell.

“Are you sure?”

He was closer still and she couldn’t respond. He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. They were so soft and sweet. She melted as he leaned in further, his hand slipping behind her, pulled her closers and kissed her with a passion that brought her to her senses. She pushed him away, stood up and slapped his face in a way that only Charlotte could get away with. However, this didn't stop him. He came at her again. The slap seemed to only encourage him. One hand grabbed her waist with the other shot around the nape of her neck and pulled her close and gave her a crushing kiss. He swiftly moved to her neck and in a husky whisper, she heard him say, "I've always wanted to try an older woman." He continued to kiss her passionately. Hands moving over her body like wildfire. Apparently failing to notice that Charlotte had turned to ice cold stone. He continued to race over her body for seemed like hours when he finally noticed he wasn't getting a response.

"What's wrong, baby?" His eyes looking deeply into hers with what appeared like real concern.

"Baby? Baby! Are you kidding?!" Her eyes were on fire but not with the passion he was hoping for. This was pure anger.

He took a small step back from her but it was her turn to attack.

"Baby! Ha! Now that's a laugh! Ha, I tell you, HA! You want an older woman? Try my mother! An older woman! Is that what you think of me? Well, let me tell you something. I'm not an older woman! I'm young! I'm vivacious! I'm not even 35! And you! You want an older woman? I'll give you an older woman!" And with that Charlotte grabbed the case of Champagne and walked out of the storage room into the gallery.

She was met by one of her wait staff who took the case out of her arms. Another waiter approached with a tray of champagne glasses and Charlotte grabbed one and cleared her throat just in time to see Christrian emerging from the storage room.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Charlotte displayed her most charming smile. "The gallery will be closing in approximately 20 minutes. But before closing, I just wanted to say thank you for helping make this evening such a great success. I am so proud of Christian's work. Heck, I couldn't be more proud if he were my own son." She paused and this brought a smattering of applause.

"I wish the night could go on forever but Christian has informed me that it is getting close to his bedtime and we all know how cranky artists can be when kept up too late."

This brought a roar of laughter from all in the room except one. Charlotte walked up to Christian, looked him directly in the eye while taking a sip from her glass, set the glass down and walked to her office. He did not follow.

The next two hours flew by while Charlotte accepted payments, made delivery arrangements and thanked guests as they were leaving. When she had said goodnight to her last guest, she locked to door and headed toward the lighting panel hidden in plain sight. She began to flip switch and the gallery's high tech lighting began to disappear and the room was regaining that quiet glow that Charlotte most loved.

She stopped suddenly and had the feeling she was being watched. Although she thought Christian had snuck out before the majority of the crowd, she knew it was him.

"You finished with your fun?" He asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes" She answered simply.

"I'm sorry." He said.

She turned to face him. "Me too."

With that, he turned and walked out and she knew she would never see him again. Charlotte had effectively escaped the black hole of boys who would be men.

She finished closing up and went home while I was across town putting the final touches on my column.

As I hit "Send" on my new computer, happy with the column I had just titled, "Benders of Light" my phone rang. I thought about screening it and only answered it after the third ring hoping against hope that the person on the other end had already given up. No such luck. It was Big.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I just made my deadline and now I'm going to bed." I answered cooly.

"I need to see you." he said.

"I'm tired and I don't really have anything to say to you." I said knowing how things would end up if we were in the same room alone. "Goodnight."

"Carrie, don't hang up on me. We need to talk. I need to know where we stand." He was getting angry.

"Well, I can answer that without too much effort." I said. "I am standing here. Here in my little apartment, in my little livingroom, getting ready to climb into my little bed and get a little sleep. You? You are standing I don't know where with your little phone worried about your little life while talking to your little indiscretion."

"That's where you're wrong." He said at the exact time that a knock came upon my door.

I spun on my heal still craddling the phone and looked at the door as terror coarsed through my veins.

"I'm not letting you in." I said trying to stay calm. "You need to go home."

"I am home." He said as I heard a key turn in my lock.

"I thought I took my keys back!" I yelled into the receiver.

"You did." he said cooly. "But you didn't ask for the copies I had made." By this time the door was opening and I could see him looking at me as he spoke to me into his receiver.

I wasn't sure what to do as I stood there staring at him. The only place I could run was to the bathroom and for all I knew he had a key to that too. But I threw down the phone and darted for the door anyway. I slammed it closed and locked it. I was holding it closed when I realized the other door was still open. I jumped across the bathroom, grabbed door and began to close it as he rounded the corner. His hand shot out but it was too late. The door was closed and latched.

"Carrie," he called through the door. "Don't you think you're being a bit childish?"

"I have a right to be childish! This is my house and I did not invite you in. AND if I had my phone in here, I would have a good mind to call the police!" Now I was being childish and silly.

"Carrie, open the door."

"No."

"Carrie, open the door or I'll open it for you."

"What? Did you make a key for it too?" I was acting like a twelve year old but he deserved it.

"That's it, Carrie. I'm coming in. Step back from the door." He yelled.

"Don't even think about it!" I yelled as I stood up and walked toward the door. That's when the door flew open and hit me right in the head. Everything when black and down I went.

Then next thing I knew, I felt something cold on my forehead. I opened my eyes and found myself on my bed with Big sitting next to me. He was pressing a cold cloth filled with ice to a spot just above my hairline. My head was throbbing and with each beat of my heart white lights flashed before my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He crooned.

I couldn't say anything.

"I am so sorry. I got carried away and I shouldn't have broken you door down." He actually looked scared but I wasn't sure if that was because he thought I was going to yell at him about the door or because he was terrified that I was really hurt.

I tried to sit up but the pain in my head and the fact that he was making sure I stayed down prevented it.

"I'm fine." I managed, knowing that it was a lie.

"You are not fine. You have a small cut just above your hairline and there's a bit of a bump as well. It doesn't look like it will need stitches but I would be surprised if you don't have drums going off in your head for a day or two.

"Look. I'll be fine. You can go home to your wife now." I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Carrie, I told you I wanted to talk to you and I'm not leaving here without doing that. Now you can choose to ignore what I have to say but I'm going to say it. Besides, you are a captive audience at this point and I don't think I'll ever have a chance like this again."

I turned away from him but knew I would listen to whatever he had to say.

"Natasha knows I'm here." He paused for my response.

My insides erupted but hoped it didn't show.

"I told her this morning I was leaving. She told me I wouldn't. She's been trying to call me all day and I finally answered once I had you on the bed. I told her I was here." He paused again.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to hug him or hit him. I knew I didn't want Natasha blaming her failed marriage on me. Although, deep down inside, I knew it was my fault.

"She agreed that it was time for us to split. She said she knew there was somebody else and knew only ran to her because I never thought I could have you." Another pause. I still wasn't giving hime any clues to my feelings.

"Now can we talk?"

With that simple question, I turned to him and knew I had been drawn into the Big black hole where escape was impossible.

THE END... for now anyway.

©2002 Just Call Me Carrie

Click here to return to the main page
Click here to return to the Fiction index