Here's this lovely and hillarious opera to Al Gore made by my dear friend Genny. Yes she was bored...
The Pain of Gore This is a story of the man named Al Gore. Many friends and enemies share their feelings about Gore. And maybe even some Rabbi Ninjas show up (maybe). ----- cast: Al Gore Joe Lieberman George W.Bush Dick Cheney (and his heart, Mr.Bypass!) Hillary Clinton Socks the cat Buddy the dog Ralph Nader Distraught Democrats (1-4) Rancorous Republicans(1-4) Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris Rabbi Ninja Squad ---------------------- Part 1: --- set: Blackened stage with a single table with chair with a bottle of vodka on the table. Enter Al Gore; disheveled and with a 2 day beard. Gore (mournful voice): All through my terms, of Vice President, Senator and State Representative...All through my terms I have served long and hard, be a champion of the people..All through my terms I have wanted to rise to be President! And now here I am, alone in the dark...Not knowing quite yet who will be President..Will I prevail and rise to my goal? Or will my enemy push me back again? ::Gore walks to table and sits down, plays with the vodka bottle:::: Gore: But then, why should I morn for myself? I did my best, I talked with the people and was knowledgeable of all the issues, a wide spectrum of issues! Where George W.Bush knew but seven, I knew of twenty! I was the people's choice! The man who is responsible for my sorrow is not George W.Bush himself; but the man who killed two men! Nader! O Nader! Why do you mock me? Why have you cursed me? You have not done a thing to earn the honor of being President! Why have you made it so I could not, even after all I worked for? Why Nader? The gods, the gods have truly mocked me! -Enter Socks the cat ::Socks walks over to Gore.::: Socks: Meow! ::Gore looks down at Socks and lifts the cat onto the table::: Gore: O Socks, I will miss even you, why, the intelligence that glimmers in your eyes even surpasses the man I ran against! You know more of the Surplus and the Budget than that crackhead from the Lone Star state! How can this be? Why is this the way it is? Maybe I was just not meant to be President..Maybe I should concende and slink away from memory... Socks: Meoooooow? Gore: *sigh* Alas, my poor friend, I must go to sleep now, for maybe I will find peace in my dreams..but what good are my dreams if they only comfort me for but a fraction of my life? Dreams can be real; but mine has been snatched away by a Green Demon! I will sleep now; and you shall scamper away... Socks: Meow..meow.... ::Gore stands up and looks to the darkened ceiling:: Gore: The gods mock me... :::darken stage and exit Gore:::: ----------- Part 2: Setting: New York, Hillary's home ------- Enter Hillary Clinton (in her signature black and pink suit). Hillary: I have won a seat in the Senate! I have proved my foes I am worthy! I am proud to represent New York, and I will help this Empire State to thrive...And yet, here I stand, with a grand job to be, and a friend of mine, dear Al Gore, kind smart man of the Vice President job, he hangs twisting in the wind! Curse that Nader! Curse him! ::sits down at Sofa with coffee:: Hillary: How good the coffee is, it warms me. But nothing can comfort the man who is wounded..How tragic! How cruel a fate for him! Imagine my grief, had I lost to the puppy Lazio, then I would feel the pain that Al Gore feels. The pain must be worse than a hot knife lodged 'tween your shoulder blades by your foe, a past lover. Sigh, I sit here, troubled I am...How can this be? It shouldn't be! Nothing could be done, not a thing! Gore did everything right, but a man took it all away. ::waves a hand in the air:: How grand things could be if my husband could run again; all the country would be revived! All the problems would go away, though, methinks I would have to keep Secret Service in his sight 24/7-and not just for protection against gun totting fools! Hmm...I think I'll invite Martha Stewart over for a ladies night out... ::exit Hillary:: --------------- Tennessee, at Synagogue --------- Enter Joe Lieberman -- Joe: God has truly blessed me, I was given the chance to be the first Jewish person elected to vice president! But clearly, it seems clear to me now, God does not want it to be. I must respect His wisdom, and take this defeat with heart. He seems to want me to serve in the Senate; I must do so with pride. Though my friend Al Gore may feel that God has left him, I must tell him it is not so. God may call upon my friend yet again. But still, it must hurt, for the man who always wanted to be President. Cannot say why, or question God's will, that this has happened. I hope my dear friend Gore must understand this, that he must not take this as a personal fall, that perhaps his fall was meant to be. We must all try to understand that sometime God has to have things happen..even if they are cruel. Maybe he made this happen to we can see the faults of others, and how a single person can make a difference. But I do not want to question God... ::Joe shrugs and walks outside:: -------- Scene: Hospital :::lying in bed is Dick Cheney:: begin song (with tubes hanging out of his nose and veins) ------- If I had a strong heart, then I could tell you, that all the dimplied chads, the tri-hanging and pregnant chads, Mean not a thing! For If I had a heart, a good, strong heart, I could tell you That it doesn't mean a thing! My boss is a drunk and a nose duster But still I support him Why? Why, he has promised me a heart! A good, strong heart when he takes office! But it doesn't mean a thing because the ballots are being recounted And I fear for my health if George W. does not take seat! For then I will not get a heart! If Ionly had a heart, If I only had a heart... ------------ Scene: Florida rally site outside Supreme Court -- enter Distraught Democrats and Rancorous Republicans ------ Distraught Democrat (DD) #1: Hi ho! Hi ho! Count the ballots! Count every ballot ever cast! And let it be known that the Republicans are stealing the election! Hi Ho! DD #2: Yegads...how can Gore lose? I cannot stand to think of a Bush supreme court! To think of Roe V.S Wade-gone! O woe! Woe I tell you! I tell you, Bush has stolen the votes like the Grinch stole Christmas! 'Tis not fair! Sadness grips my heart-to think of all that would be if not for the Jews who couldn't read! Damn that butterfly ballot and most of all-Damn Nader! Rancorous Republican #1 (RR)- Haha! We may see another Bush still! 8 years of Hell may soon be erased! Hehheh! Haha! Yes yes, let us have a Bush! A Bush for 8 years! He heh! DD#4-You scum! You know you don't have the votes, and yet you expect us to except a false president? RR#2-'Tis better than to see a robot in White House! RR#4- Indeed! Indeed it is my brother! And we need not have..Socks the cat! DD#1- You sick bastard! Don't you badmouth Socks! Leave him out of it! :::fight commences-using the posts of the Bush/Cheney and Gore/Lieberman signs as long swords:: DD#1-You should send Nader a thank you note! Nader gave you the damn election! RR#4-We've sent him a delux fruit n' nuts basket from Harry And David! And it's all organic! For Nader is a cheap bastard..and a psycho, thrice he promised to slit my throat- DD#4- This is wrong! But I will fight for my man! ::fighting continues-fade out::::; -------------- Scene: Dark, deserted field in Oregon ------------ enter Nader, dressed in cloak of Green ::creepy music:::::: Nader: Hear ye! Hear ye! Creatures of the Night! I am your ruler! We shall now eliminate soft-money and excessive foil wrapping; for it aids in the rape of the earth! I am King Nader- God of all ye Forest Beasts! :::silence:: ::Nader blinks several times:: Nader: What is this? Defiance from my loyal supporters? ::a squirrel chews a sunflower seed:: Nader (to squirrel): You there! You will be my secretary of state! Can you not refuse my offer, my loyal friend? ::squirrel makes chirping sounds:: Nader: Silence you beast! ::kills Squirrel :: Hahahha...fools! Who will dare defy me? I am...NADER! Ye cannot defeat me! I am God! GOD!!! GOD OF ALL! ::narrows eyes:: And that fool Gore thinks he can defy me? Hahaha..no, that would be defying life itself; I am God, and GOD along TAKES life and GIVES it...Gore was not worthy of life! :::insane laughter::: Nader: I am indeed the man in green! Worship me, or face my wraith! ------------ Scene: Hospital -------- ::lying, Cheney:: If I only had a heart....URGGGGGGGGGGUU-::heartline goes flat:: Cheney: It's ok-just a minor one... ------------ Scene: White House enter: Buddy the Dog, Bill Clinton ------- Buddy: Woof woof woof! (Jesus christ, when the hell can they just pick a guy?) Buddy: Woof..grrrrrrrrrr??!! ( I mean, c'mon, what does it TAKE to get some damn votes counted? I swear to god, even I could do a better job!) ::enter Bill Clinton:: Bill: Aw gee...haa Buddy, whatcha doing there reading the newspapers? You're a dog, you can't read! Buddy: Wooof...sniff sniiff: (dumb bastard-of course I can read! What do you think I am? JUST a dog?) Bill: I feel mighty bad for ol' Al...I don't know how he could've lost this election, but when you really think about it, the Republicans always pull this kind of mean tricks on us Democrats, why, look what they did to me Buddy- Buddy:Rrrrrrr....::slobber slobber:: (Yeah, I wonder WHY smart ass! Jezzus, sometimes this man is freakn' brilliant-then the next second he's a moron!) Bill: Still, I think Al was a great Vice President, and he will be missed, especially me.. Buddy: (Oh gods...how much more! Maybe if I act like i need to pee he'll let me out...) ------------- Scene: Katherine Harris' office, with George W. in her lap -------- ::Enter Bush and Katherine:: ::holding champagne bottles and raising toasts:: Both: We're champions of Floida! We're champions of the state! For with our cunning alliance-we've defied the will of the voters!We are the champions, We are the champions! We shall indeed go down in history! ::clink champagne flutes together:: Harris: Here I am, with the future president in my lap-drinking fine champagne- and Still I claim I am not partisaaaaaan....Yes, I am not partisan, I do not let my alliance cloud my eyeees... Bush: That's the way we do it in Texas my dear friend! We don't say a word-not a single word, even if a deathrow inmate is innocent...::cling champagne flutes:: ::together: We don't say a word! Our actions are never told! And to our friends- Bush: I reward my friends with Ambassadorship! ::cling champagne flutes: Harris: I threw out old Jewish Ladies votes! I threw out blacks votes! Why- I even threw ballots into the great sea! I threw them all out! And then when all was said and done- Bush: I had 25 electoral votes! All because... ::together: We didn't say a word! Not a single damn word about the ballots! ::down champagne:: ::both:: hahahah! hahahah! Slay the Gore! Slay them all! We must punish Gore for being close to ...Clinton! ::insane cackling::: ----------- Scene: Hospital ------ ::lying Cheney::: --------- Cheney:Really..it's just a little hiccup :::flat life line:: VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP...... Cheney: Doggonit...Bush better win, or my heart will not carry on...... ----------------- Final Act: Am I Insane? ----------- Scene: Gore's bedroom ::enter Al Gore:: Gore: Here it is, the final act, I grow tired, the votes are there, but cannot be found, hidden away..no one can see them, but I KNOW they are there, somewhere, maybe even floating in the vast sea...::pause:: Gore: And yet...I have no fire left. Nothing burns desire in me, nothing can stir me to continue fighting.. ::lies on bed::: Gore: I was not meant to be president...I am a failure. No hope is left for me... :::Nader enters::: (don't ask how godammit) Nader: Ahah! So there you lie fiend! ::draws green masamune sword::: I will slit your throat and dance in your blood you whore of the soft money! Die! Die! Die!!!! You are not president or God- I AM!!! ::leaps at Gore::: Nader: There can only be one, one such man is me! Gore: Yegads man, what has possessed you? Once a bitter, yet sane man, has become a chaotic insane demon! I never thought you were demon before- just a fool! Surely my mind is playing tricks on me! To see such a Demon, dressed in green with a gleaming green sword cannot be real! ::Nader slashes at Gore; hits Gore in the arm:: Gore: The man is real! The warmth I feel flowing down my arm is real-'tis blood! O heavens have mercy on me! Nader: Hahah! Kneel before me fool! You are not organic! You must die for that sin! And I hear you use non-recycible toilet paper and eat non-certified organic celary in your non dolphin safe tuna salad and- ::Gore pushes Nader away, hand clamped on wound:: Gore: I see the craze before me, of a man who let his mind run free from reality-his name is Ralph Nader- Nader: No!! I am not Ralph Nader! I AM GOD!!! NOW DIE !! :::slashes at Gore:: :::enter Lieberman with a slew of black clad Rabbi Ninjas::: :::Lieberman sees Nader pushing Gore against the wall with the sword against his throat:: Joe: God sees what has become of my friend Nader-consumed with his own greed and disgust. God will see that this ends up all right.. Rabbi Ninja #1: Chutzpah SUPER POWERS!!!! ::throws matzo balls at Nader:: Rabbi Ninja #2: Chutzpah SUPER POWERS!!!! :::throws many matzo balls at Nader:: Nader: NOO!!! Nader cannot DIE!! I AM GOD!!! :::slumps to the ground:: ::Joe picks up bloody masamune:: Joe: The Rabbi Ninjas deliever God's wisdom to those who have lost their way. My dear friend Ralph Nader suffers from such agony... Nader: YOU DO NOT USE RECYCABLE TOILET PAPER!!! Rabbi Ninja #3: Chutzpah... ::nader falls asleep.:: Gore: How can I thank you Joe, and you too Rabbis? You saved my life... Rabbi Ninja #1: No need to thank us-we were actually looking for Katherine Harris and the bastard who designed the Palm Beach ballot.. Rabbi Ninja #3: Yeah...we have speacial Matzo balls for them... Joe::waves hand:: Now begone my Rabbis... :::Rabbis disapear::: Joe(to Gore): Al, you must relize that maybe your defeat was meant to be, God is very mysterious sometimes, but you know God loves you, even if you aren't President.. Gore:Yes Joe I know, the blood that I have bleed is proof that sometimes, even if defeated, you can still live...But still, I will fight... Joe: That would be wise, I shall always support you..no matter what.. Gore: Then let this be the start! We shall learn from Nader- that a fool can still make an impact! Now, let us start anew by sleeping away our troubles...maybe when I wake up, we shall all see things clearer... Joe: What about Nader? Gore: Throw him outside; let the squirrels eat him... ::::fade out:::: ::fade into Elton John w/piano::: I sometimes...spend all night...alone and lonely... Just thinking about...what could've been... What could've been if so great- If just a few things were done... But still- Caaaaan you feeeeeeeel the chaaaaaaaaaaads tonight... I've been waiting all my life for this....to see and feel, this wonderous feeling... And caaaan you feeeeeeeeeeel the chaaaaaaaaaads tonight.......... ---------------------------------- End Game ------------- Wednesday, December the 12th, 2000 ----- Gore soliloquy: Gore: The end has come, the word is out, the Supreme Court, the Law of the Land has spoken. I have been stabbed by those that don the black and the white, and left to bleed to death by their cruel intentions. I have danced, and I have howled at the moon in agony, and still I am here..Without the office, and without the final piece of my life. I am the jiggsaw puzzle, and the final piece is dangling above my head, just out of my reach.. And then it was snatched away! And I have fallen...and still, o it still is there! I can hunt it down and take it back! It was mine, it was mine...softly, I believe that the way it should be..but...It's gone.. ::walks over the bed::: Gore: Glory...there is no glory no more.... ::enter George W. Bush::: Bush: So there you are Al..I've been waiting for you. Gore::startled:: The devil! The devil has been resurected in my bedroom! And...with tumbleweeds? Bush::laughing::These just aren't REGULAR certified Texan tumbleweeds-they're certified Texan POISON THORN tumbleweeds! You shall die a most painful death Al-you just didn't know when to step out and let the real men of America rule-and we all know the best men are from Texan. The women just love the Texans, can't say I blame them..::steps closer to Gore with his tumbleweeds rolling closer to Gore::And you know what the latest rumor is in Nashville? Gore::nervous: No... Bush::leaning to Gore and in a sinister whisper:: The women ......think men from Tennessee are losers! ::recoils and laughs:: Gore::stiffens:: It's one thing to insult my politics-but to insult my popularity with the women goes to far! ::raises fists:: "If you intend to be a coward, then get on with it and sic your poisonous whatever-the-hell-weeds and kill me! Bush::laughing:: I think I'll make a bbq outta your body...and I'll even make Nader sane again. He's quite useful when he has an assortment of illegal drugs in his system- I mean, it made him think he had a chance to reform the system! As for the drugs, wished I didn't waste so much on Nader- I have a mighty craving for some nose candy..mmm.. ::tumbleweeds begins to flash their blood red poisonous barbs:: Bush: Well, I've got to be gettin' on an' killn' ya, it's been fun Al, but you fail to relize-Don't Mess With Texas isn't just a slogan-we really mean it. And since you REALLY messed Texas up, saying all those big words about them poor minority kids an' junk, it's made me look like a real dummy! I mean, half the time you said words that weren't in my Cliff notes! It wasn't fair! Well, time to die..have fun with the Texan Death Squad-the poison tumbleweeds of Austin! They're extra poisonous 'cause they've gots Nixon's soul in it! ::tumbleweed::GRRRR..I am not a crook! ::flashes poisonous barbs and moves in closer to Gore::: Gore::gulping:: This is the end, I didn't see the ending to be my death, I'd give up office and live in Mexico-but to die by both Nixon and a Bush? A cruel fate! I must take my own life to die with honor-to die by Nixon is a curse of my soul! Bush::laughing: It's over Al! You wont die unless it's by the barbs of the Texan poisonous tumbleweeds, my daddy made them. My daddy is sure the best man in the whole world.. tumbleweed:: GRRRRRRRR!!! If Checkers was here, he'd rip you apart Al! But since Checkers wasn't revived, I guess my thorns will speak for him! ::moves close to Gore:: ::tumbleweeds overwhelm Gore:: ::Bush laughs maniacly:: Mwhahahah!!!! ::Gore stands up, bleeding and having Texan poisonous tumbleweeds slice him open:: Gore: I won't ever stop fighting! You are the reason I live! Not to be president, but to destroy you and your evil system! tumbleweeds:: Not for long! Our poison will soon work on you! Bush: The poison doesn't really kill you Al-it just makes you think everyone around you is Newt Gingrich. It's the most tortuous form of existance for Democrats, they eventually go insane, as did the Democrats did when Newt was still with us. And soon, the entire Democratic party will have this-like a virus! The Democrats will soon be a myth! Gore::sickened:: You sick bastard! Why..why do this?::collapses and the tumbleweeds leave his body::: Bush: Why? ::walks away, tumbleweeds follow him:: Because...I can. ::Gore rises, bleeding:: Gore: Come back here....... Bush: What? Gore: Come back! You won't escape me! You'll never escape the will of the people! Bush:::under breath:: Oh no! He knows where I hid the ballots! Gore: Hahahaah...run away Bush..run away! I know you're plan...Hahahaha.. Bush:::to himself:: Oh shit he knows..I thought Jeb knew what he was doing! Shit! Gore: Run and you will be found. Bush: Well..ok! I get to be president anyway! And by the way-nice concession speech you pansy! ::runs off:: Gore:: It was ...for the people....::collapses::: ----------- Epologue Scene: Tennesse ranch enter Gore ------- One Week Later --- Gore: The nightmare has ended, for now. The Rabbi Ninja Squad and with their magical matzo balls lifted the curse of Gingrich from my soul. I can live again, without the puddy face of evil haunting my every move. Still, even from here, I can hear the sounds of anguish of D.C., I hear many things now. People say I was simple dreaming that Bush attacked me..these things I do not know. ::sits on fence looking at the sun:: It's better now, I have time to think. Maybe soon again, I'll rejoin the ranks of the life I was truly meant to serve. But that is in time, and I will enjoy my time off. ::silence:: Truly though, shame is in my heart.I can live though, and that's what I'll do. For now.... ::fade out:: ::Fade into..Mr. Bypass!:: begin song: Mr.Bypass: Somewhere over the oil fields Skies are gray Skies are gray with the poison that, kills Texans off Somewhere up above the sky is a dead zone for......the environment Somewhere over the oil fields Hope was killed Hope was killed in the form of.. a Texan with the name of Bush
Any questions or comments should be directed to Genny @ WindRavenX@aol.com