HERE I COME!
The front door slowly opens. I'm face to face with Joe,
It's fifteen minutes after twelve, it's time for me to go!
A last trip to the bathroom, a quick check around the house,
I lock the door behind me, I'm as quiet as a mouse!
I buckle up and settle back, I'm not sure what's in store,
Relax Eileen, you'll do just fine, I look longingly at my door.
Soon we're on the highway, with traffic front and rear,
I look at my surroundings, "Sweet S**t! What am I doing here?"
But just as quickly, the thought is gone, replaced by determination,
I know Debby will be waiting for me when I reach my destination.
On and on we go for miles and my attitude is gladder,
But after fifty miles or so, there's pressure on my bladder.
How far can I go before it bursts? Should I ask Joe to stop?
His car is small, and if I can't hold it, we'll need more than a mop!
I read the signs, large and small, while puffing on my fag.
Big Pond, Little Pond...Joe wishes he had a gag!
Square Pond, Triangle Pond, Soldier's Pond, Old Shop,
Come-by-Chance, Arnolds Cove, my God, we'll have to stop!
My bladder's swollen to twice its size, Oh, what a mess I'll make,
Joe says, "We'll stop at Goobies," a prayer of thanks I make!
I walk into the washroom with my two legs pressed together,
There's a lady there who starts to chat about this and that...the weather.
I can't stand and talk, I head for the john, sorry about that, you see,
I'm very eager to rid myself of a hundred miles of pee!
We're back in the car and we're rolling again, once more reading the signs,
Joe sits there, quite relaxed, I think, keeping his eyes on the lines.
We pass Clarenville and Thorburn Lake, Milton, Bunyan's Cove,
Terra Nova National Park, a tiny church in a grove.
"We're getting pretty close, hey Joe?" I say with bated breath,
His smile (so smug) tells me the fact that we've many miles to go yet.
I can't reach over to choke him, for then where would I be?
I unclutch my hands, sit back once more, drum my fingers on my knee.
DON'T PASS...PLEASE PASS...BUMP AHEAD...LOW SHOULDERS,
SLIPPERY WHEN WET...PAVEMENT ENDS HERE...BEWARE OF FALLING BOULDERS!
Speed limit, ninety kilometers, a trailer ahead...go slow,
Gambo River, Gambo...the home of Premier Joe.
I twist and turn, I shift my ass, lean forward then lean back,
I'm certain we've passed Gander and will end up in Iraq!
And then I spy a 'copter, and I say, "Oh, Joe, we're here!"
And he smiled (as only Joe can smile) and says, "We're pretty near."
A quick turn off the highway and then we're in the town,
We wait for Debby at her place of work and shortly she comes down.
We both fall into each other's arms, to be honest, my legs are numb,
We head for Regency Towers, I'm here, Gander...I've come!!
Into the elevator, I face the wall, up to the fourth floor we go,
The apartment is lovely, the shine makes me squint, the efforts of Deb and Joe.
I walk to the balcony, two arms outstretched, feeling for the rail,
There's Gander Lake, what a beautiful view, I look down and go pale!
The BBQ's on, Debby's making salads, macaroni, tuna and corn,
The T-Bones are huge, so tender and juicy, I no longer feel tired and worn,
A walk around Cobb's Pond, just three short miles, a tiny squirrel greets me,
I feed him some crackers, while I squirm with delight, so glad he came to meet me.
My bunions are screaming for mercy, my callouses are stuck to my shoes,
Then all of a sudden, before us, we saw this bloody, big moooose!
I reached for my binoculars, and put them up to my eyes,
"It's a bull," Joe exclaims, I continue to watch him, what a wonderful surprise!
On to the airport to view the planes, Wait! What's that on the street?
A mother moose and her baby, with long legs and uncertain feet.
I was absolutely beside myself, an embarrassment, I have to say,
Yet who can blame my excitement? I don't see that every day!
We finally arrived at the airport and parked on the flight path's ride,
And Debby and Joe, so sweet and so kind? Showed me their sadistic side!
For as the plane came towards me, they actually forced me to look,
As a huge Cubana Airliner passed over, I swear the little car shook!
The sounds from my mouth weren't human, they were like a banshee's wail,
I cursed and swore, my screams were heard over mountain, hill and dale!
I got very little sleep that night, from planes flying over head,
When an Aeroflot jet from Russia passed over, I thought for sure I was dead!
Next morning found me red-eyed, too tired to even stoop.
"I have the cure right here," Joe says, his famous homemade soup!
We descended upon it like vultures, our slurping could be heard for miles,
A quick clean up...once more in the lift...then off on the Road to the Isles!
I saw Bishop's Falls, a beautiful sight, with it's powerful waterway,
Then to Animal Land, oh what a delight! That really made my day.
I saw goats and pheasants, llama, emu, fed a beautiful sloe-eyed doe,
Raccoons who carefully washed their food, two lynx that hissed at Joe.
A lynx stalked a squirrel, two ducks humped, I saw a beautiful silver fox,
Bunnies ran freely, I patted a donkey, and admired two big peacocks.
A boa constructor inside a case, an iguana and guinea fowls,
But the peacocks with their tails aspread, brought a slackness to my jowls!
They were such beautiful colors, and one there was pure white,
They puffed and preened, I could have cried from happiness and delight.
In Grand Falls we saw a wedding, and heard the church bells chime,
Saw houses that looked like mansions, and trees as old as time.
A detour down to Lewisporte, through a settlement named Loon Bay,
And should I ever be given the chance, 'twould be there I'd want to stay.
What a beautiful little place it was, nestled between the pine,
With it's tiny white church, it's pure clean air, I'd adopt the place as mine.
We're home again, slurping more soup, then off to the mini-golf course,
I can't believe my energy, I've turned into a horse.
I always wanted to play the game, thought that I knew plenty,
But when the scores were tallied...I found my score...+20!
We still weren't ready to call it a night, although the sun had long set,
So over to Hotel Gander we drove, to get our whistles wet.
A rock and roll band was playing and Joe asked me for a dance,
With just two hours sleep, travelling all day, I managed to get up and prance!
I had more hours of sleep that night, the planes flew another way,
And when I awoke, I knew it was over...I was going home that day!
I wished I didn't have to go, I wished that I could stay,
For while I was there, my heart was light, my symptoms had gone away!
The weekend passed without incident, well...maybe there was one,
When Joe ran over a bald, baby bird, who onto the road had run,
He flattened the poor little bugger, as flat as an old cow chip,
But it couldn't be helped, if he had braked, it would have caused the car to flip.
To Debby and Joe...a sincere THANK YOU, and I say that with honest candor,
I'll never forget the weekend I spent, in the beautiful town of Gander.
By Eileen Power
© copyright 1989
