President Clinton ended his Apologython Monday night at a Democratic fundraiser in New York City. Democratic party members who couldn't think fast enough to come up with last-minute excuses or those who are naive enough to imagine there might still be a Clinton glow within which to bask were in attendance. Preliminary estimates indicate the fundraiser netted the party $27.91 after expenses.

According to the Newspaper Editors Association, the increase in the number of Sunday papers printed and sold out across the nation across the country proves the point that sex sells.

(Note: Do they get paid for this?)

Increasing concern for the morals of children who have increasing access to the Internet, the House Subcommittee overseeing the internet met to explore ways to eliminate smut and sleaze from the Internet.

Ironically, they didn't take into consideration their own actions in releasing the Starr Report to the Internet last Friday.

"Well," said one Congressional aid, "when we released the Starr Report in its entirety, it wasn't gratuitous sleaze, it was Congressional sleaze, which is obviously different."

Another aid who was in attendance at the meeting quickly interjected, "Well, the Starr Report, while lurid and graphic in detail, can't really be described as sleaze. It's more just a bit tawdry, really, not actually sleazy." 

In a flurry of entrepreneurial inspiration, several companies, most headed by former used car salesmen and/or savings and loan executives, have come up with innovative ways to cash in on presidential woes brought forth by the Starr Report.

One enterprise has spammed millions of email customers with it's offer of a paperback edition of the Starr Report for $19.95. A spokesman for the company, SticIt Tu-Em, announced sales in the dozens.

Another firm, Midnite Zipper Company (that fly-by-nite outfit) has announced its new hand-rolled cigar line, Salacio y Tawdry, quoting Freud, who said, "... sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." Midnite Zipper Co. also unveiled (or is that unzipped) its new zipper, The Prez, and claim it is a 'quicker zipper' because it is Teflon^tm coated.