Dumbing up
How to succeed in life by asserting your ignorance
In 1928 the New York Times art critic Enrico Raffaele wrote those now immortal words: "I don't know much about art but I know what I like." He wrote them in reference to an exhibition of work by the American Dadaist Bert Lange. In fact, Raffaele did know a great deal about art. He was a poet in the Italian futurist movement, instrumental in the theoretical development of neo-plasticism. He contributed to and edited De Stijl, the seminal Bauhaus periodical. Raffaele simply did not want to comprehend the difficult conceptual pieces that Lange presented. Why should you see a painting in the context of its time? Why should you seek to understand the social and economic struggles that surrounded its conception or the bloody battle that greeted its birth? The most exhaustive understanding of a work will always be defeated by those inane words. There is no debate: the personal defeats the profound, the pawn takes the king, the mouse scares the elephant. The only true test is the test of time- Bert Lange has faded into obscurity while Raffaele's words live on. I don't know much, but I do know that.
This phrase has become part of the popular vernacular and I suggest we broaden its application. We must cast the net wider if we want to use our ignorance as a virtue.I know nothing about car maintenance, entomology or plumbing and, yet, I know what I like. Why should we draw the line with art? How many times have you wanted to assert yourself in a field you know nothing about? It could be politics, literature or bread-making. How simple it would be, before any discussion, to profess your naivety. You could then proceed with confidence because you've already stated that you have no idea what you're talking about. It is the perfect foil: no one would be prepared for such a brazen display of honesty. The finest writers and speakers never let the facts intrude on their tales so why should you? So be proud, be vacuous and speak on.
In adopting and modifying this phrase we would not be setting a precedent. The abdication of responsibility or knowledge through a phrase in common usage has happened numerous times. One of the most successful of these was uttered in the film Dangerous Liasons. It was Valmont's defence, structurally seamless, impossible to confront: "It's beyond my control." After that film no one had any control- the man who made the kebabs, the taxi driver, the cinema attendant- no one accepted responsibility for anything. But it was the banks and the phone companies who clearly profited from this mentality. Their staff became puppets operated by an unseen and evil force beyond anyone's control. I am positive that one bank issued this sentence as the standard response procedure in dealing with all complaints. (Although it was always prefaced with "I'm sorry sir, but...")
The major weakness with Valmont's defence is that it is often said with a smirk. The toadie, lackey or minion voicing it, aware they're safe in their mental fortress, feel they can afford to be smug. Which in turn makes the listener want to visit physical violence upon them, sinking a fist into the soft flesh of their head, insanely screaming: "Is this beyond your control? Is this beyond your control?"
The strength of the phrase lies in the fact that it is difficult to disprove. There is always a superior who governs your actions, someone or something greater and more powerful. So responsibility is guiltlessly abdicated to the next in line who does the same, in all ascending domino effect, until you reach the highest earthly authority who follows suit. You are then forced to arrive at the logical conclusion that God, fate or whatever forces shape the world, are in control. And let's face it, God and fate are often difficult to confront about the incorrect payment of a phone bill or lost cheques.
Both these phrases have enormous practical application. They can be used at the office or home. Always begin with "I don't know much about..." If you ever find you've painted yourself into a corner with your own stupidity, retreat behind the impenetrable wall of "It's beyond my control".
Used in tandem they are an unbeatable combination of dumb and shifty. The sooner we incorporate this terminology into our speech, the sooner we can assert ourselves in situations where we have no power. We may be the last to do so, because as far as I can tell everybody else already has.
By Paul McDermott, appeared in Sunday Life! (the Sun Herald supplement) Jun 7 1998
Petty considerations (15/3/98) |
Frankly, the bird's a tart (22/3/98) |
Ad Versity (3/5/98) |
Capital Loss (24/5/98) |
Dumbing up (7/6/98) |
High anxiety (14/6/98) |
Disclaimer: This article was written by Paul McDermott and remains the property of the Sun Herald (Australia)