On Becoming a Vegetarian,

For various reasons I have stopped eating meat. One major reason is my conversion to Judaism. I simply don't have enough money to afford Kosher meat. Nor do I possess enough counter space to seperate the dairy from the meat. I have lost the carnivorous appetite, with more than one incident of bad chicken. Also factor in the latent affection for the petting zoo. Beating those poor cute little animals over the head and chopping them up for food; it's an unpleasant thought. I have reservations about associating with people who club baby seals.

Many of these reasons fade when you remember how the plant life screams in pain when picked. We just can't hear its pain without instruments. Unfortunately for it, Plant life suffers under the burden of shoddy public relations. No cute cabbage cartoons exist. If the thought of eating Rudy the Raddish was as awful as eating Bambi's mother, animal rights activists would die of starvation.

I am a vegetarian, but I find that I can't bring myself to preach the meatless gospel. In fact I usually avoid telling people that I am a vegetarian, to avoid explaining that I don't care what they eat. I suppose I must be partially thankful for the Vegan movement. People who don't want to kill, maim, hurt, annoy, skin or steal eggs from animals are generally so obnoxious, that vegetarians seem rather mainstream in comparison. Because of the vegans, less people assume that I'm going to bother them about their steak dinner. Vegans have, with a vengeance, taken upon themselves the stereotypes once associated with vegetarians. Generally, not to stereotype or anything, Vegans are the nastiest most self-righteous assholes in the world. They may not bother ugly cows, but they throw their sermons out fast and furious to anyone eating the stupid things. While wearing shoes sewn in sweatshops and leather jackets, if they are hypocritical (shitty ugly German army jackets if they are puritans), they deem to be the arbitors and masters of public morality. In many ways they are just as awful as the abortion clinic bombing gaybashing biblethumping fundamentalist Christians that most presume to look down upon.

To a lesser extent, vegetarians are not immune from this self-righteous twaddle . Before Vegans there were only vegetarians. If some guilt-ridden vegetarians aren't yet puritanical enough to refuse a milk shake; it doesn't necessarily mean that they can resist the call to preach the granola gospel.

The problems in the veggie fantasy of a perfect meat free society rests in the lack of common sense or logic. I'm not one for living in a country where the cows have taken over. McDonald's is not personally destroying the rainforest in order to graze cattle. In fact, no American meat is raised in Brazil. There are plenty of international laws forbidding that kind of import. I know that I grew these fangs for a reason. The fact that I'm an animal with the need to survive is not lost on me. I am not better than the rest of the kingdom if I have the teeth and carnivorous instincts yet refrain .

While I personally believe that G-d has created the kosher laws for a reason, and that animals should not suffer while being killed (hence, the throat slashing way of preparing kosher meat), I would have trouble looking upon nonkosher meat eaters as incarnations of Caligula or Genghis Khan. They may devour Bacon Doublecheeseburgers without a trace of guilt; and I couldn't care less.

The self-righteous Herbivores whom I detest will scream and yell and spray paint graffitti in an effort to convince you. Yet they fail. Maybe it's because they are too eager and maybe only because of their claims to higher morality. You may wear a jacket telling everyone that you are a Vegan, and still be a manipulative jackass. You may go an entire lifetime without having a cow killed for your convenience. That still doesn't stop you from making hundreds of dollars in longdistance calls; then leaving your roommates to pay for your social life.

I've read a quote from Gandhi stating that the true test of a society is how it treats its animals. He says that peace and charity begins with vegetarianism. Since he lived in the religiously fucked vegetarian India, Gandhi should have been ashamed of himself and his caste for even daring to mouth such obvious bullshit. Maybe he gave that sermon before his vegetarian Hindu associates started murdering Muslims.

Even if you agree with Gandhi and think that I'm being an utter shit for besmirching the great holy man's name, you might want to consider that not only did Gandhi believe in the vegetarian=perfect society equation; but that Adolph Hitler wholeheartedly agreed with his fellow Aryan. In fact, Germany invaded Poland on the pretense that they could civilize the barbaric animal-testing Poles. The first Nazi law was to outlaw dancing bears. A sad fact in history is that the first country to ban animal testing was Nazi Germany. I only know a few vegans who would declare Nazi Germany to be an enlightened society. Most of them try to deny Hitler's vegetarianism. Historical revisionism is so prevalent when you need a dead cheerleading section.

I am a vegetarian. I am also an unrepentant asshole. The person that you must watch out for is anyone who claims to be a saint simply because they don't eat at McDonald's. That is an even bigger asshole. Morality and decency do not come in a shiny ready made veggie package anymore than they come with the acceptance of Jesus. If you think otherwise, then sadly you are not alone. This is a nation that is obsessed with convenient quickfixes from the feminists who equate porn with rape to the school boards that equate sex education with adolescent orgies. If they are convincing in their arguments, and if they are genuinely sincere in their convictions, does that automatically elevate their ideaology? If so, then can the sincerity and convictions of those who follow David Koresh and Charles Manson also be respected in a similar fashion?