SCENE 1
(Scene opens with a shot of the Enterprise zooming through space. The shot follows the ship. The Enterprise turns sideways so the top of the saucer section can be seen. A smilely face is painted on the top with the words, "Have a Nice Day." OR it can just look like Stimpy.)
REN
"<v.o.>Captain's Log stardate 3.1415. It has been five seasons since we launched from the home world and adventures we have seen..."
SCENE 2
(Cut to a above shot right of the bridge. Captain Hoek sits in the captains chair while Ensign Stimpy is at the helm. Ensign Anthony sits in ops. Cousin Swen stands at tactical and Mr. Horse is the ship's counselor.)
REN
"<v.o.>I often wonder what still may lie ahead. Together with my loyal and well skilled crew we are ready to take any changgles."
"<spoken>Ensign Stimpy, what is our present course?"
STIMPY
(Points)
"This way mark that away, sir."
REN
(Walks up to STIMPY)
"Plot new course. (Pause) 245 mark 12... (pause)ah, just head for one of those stars."
(REN returns back to the captain's chair.)
STIMPY
"One that there is a good reason why nobody else goes there?"
REN
(Back at the captain's chair slouched down.)
"That's it."
STIMPY
"Joy!"
(Punches a couple of buttons and then reaches for a gear stick.)
"Engage."
(Pops the clutch and the Enterprise goes rearing off.)
SCENE 3
(A blip is seen on Anthony's control panel.)
ANTHONY
"We have reached the plant, captain."
REN
<clipping his nails and lying across the chair>
"Full stop."
(SFX - tires screeching to a halt.)
(REN instantly goes flying forward and onto the main view screen.)
(On ANTHONY again.)
ANTHONY
"It appears to be class Y plant sir. The air is filled with hydrocloric acids in gases form. The ozone is not present so the sun will you skull like a slab of butter left on a table overnight. Every form of plant and animal life form has become savage just to survive in these harsh conditions."
REN
"Hum...Ensign Stimpy, let us prepare to beam down."
ANTHONY
"But Captain Ren, you know the rules. And as Ensign Anthony, the annoying boy genius of this si-fi series, I must inform you about the dangers of the captain beaming down."
REN
(In the turbo shaft as STIMPY comes hopping in.)
"Shut up."
(Turbo shafts close.)
SCENE 4
(Inside the transporter room and REN, STIMPY, and ANTHONY are on the transporter pads. ANTHONY is finishing up on his speech.)
ANTHONY
"...if that happenes, who will be left to command the ship?"
REN
"Energize."
(All go up in a puff of smoke. OR if the ship looks like Stimpy then the crew is licked up.)
SCENE 5
(Down on the plant surface. All the characters enter in a puff of smoke {OR a splate} in a above-the-waist shot. All stand there till ANTHONY gets a questioning look onto his face. He looks down and the shot is pulled out to show that ANTHONY is over the edge of a cliff. ANTHONY goes screaming downwards. REN looks over the edge with a casual look on his face and walks away.)
SCENE 6
(CAPTAIN REN and ENSIGN STIMPY walk across the plant surface. ENSIGN STIMPY stops and pulls out his Tricorder and begins to readings. ENSIGN STIMPY walks around as he gets readings.)
STIMPY
"I'm picking up life signs to the north of us Captain."
REN
"Come Ensign Stimpy. Let us go introduce our selfs to these new and wonderous lifeforms."
(They push through a bush.)
REN
"(right hand up and eyes closed) Greeting lower life form. We come in peace to..."
(All eyes grow with fright.)
STIMPY
"Oh, no sir. It's the most feared form of alien life in the known galaxy."
REN
"The fearsome, hidious... Cro'co'stimpies!"
STIMPY
(turning around)
"Oh no, sir. Behind use. Our arch intergaltic enemies. Chi-a-Elvieses!!!!"
<a tribe of Elvis looking Chiapets stanfing around chanting, "Uh, hu">
(destressed)
"Oh Captian Hoek. What ever shall we do"
(Captain Hoek grabbes a log and points his phaser at it.)
REN
"Back off! Or I'll do it!"
(Both of the attacking aliens take up a defencive stance. Ren grines his teeth and brings the phaser closer and closer. Both REN and STIMPY take off run in a flash. The aliens pause for a moment and then take off in the chase.)
REN
"Stimpy! Get us out of here!"
(Stimpy goes into his uniform and starts pull out mindless junk. STIMPY ah-ha's and touches his combadge.)
STIMPY
"Stimpy to Enterprise."
OFF SCREEN VOICE
"Enterprise here."
STIMPY
"HEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Both REN and STIMPY stop and beam up in a puff of smoke<or licked up> leaving the aliens to stomp angerly around the spot.)
SCENE 8
(Back up on the ship. REN is sitting in the ready room looking over some files on the computer screen. A quick shot of the computer screen shows that he's playing Tetris. He gets up and goes into that little room and goes to that machine that makes food and drinks.)
REN
(Studiously)
"Fresh, skunk milk, hot."
(A cup of hot skuck milk appears and REN takes it back to his desk and drinks of it. He continues to study the computer screen till he feels he needs to go to the restroom. His face pops up and he heads for the door with some struggle.)
SCENE 9
(On the bridge. REN walks in.)
REN
"Ensign Stimpy. You have the bridge."
STIMPY
"Aye, sir."
(We now notice that STIMPY is wearing a visor like LaForge's.)
SCENE 10
(REN enters the turbolift.)
TURBOLIFT VOICE
"Please state your destination."
REN
"Main bathroom."
TURBOLIFT VOICE
"There are no records of such of a location."
REN
"Then any bathroom!"
TURBOLIFT VOICE "There are no records of such a location."
REN
"What! What kind of cock-o-mainina ship is this if there's no bathroom!"
(REN feels his bladder working and he dives off the turbolift.)
SCENE 11
(Mindless struggling around the ship follows as he opens and closes doors looking for the ship's bathroom. REN slowly works his way down the hall trying to hold it in.)
REN
"Pressure, growing. Must, releave."
(A shaft of light appears and we see REN staring at a sigh that says, TEN-FORWARD.)
REN
"Surely they must have one in there."
SCENE 12
(REN works his way into Ten Forward and to the bar.)
REN
"Please. You must have a bathroom. The pain. I can't stand it anymore."
(The bartender is MUDDY MUDSKIPPER dressed as Guien.)
MUDDY
"All right, all right, ya bum. Third door on the right."
(MUDDY pulls out the key for the men's bathroom that is on a yak keychain. It is quickly snatched away.)
SCENE 13
(Seen from the inside of the bathroom. The door opens with a relived looking REN steps in. Shock hits him as he looks upon a vast assortment of alien comodes. He stands there for a beat and then snaps to attention, salutes while he zipps down his pants and heads for the comodes.)
SCENE 14
(Back up on the bridge. STIMPY is playing the xalophones on the back of a kligon's haed. The bridge shakes. Everyone pauses and after the shaking is done they fall sideway in that corny fashion. This is done about three times.)
SCENE 15
REN
(from inside the commode)
"Hey! What's going on up there!"
SCENE 16
(Back on this bridge STIMPY thinks and then rushes down to the engine room. Down in the engine room STIMPY looks around and then heads for a control panel. He pushes a couple of buttons and his eyes pop open. The ship rocks again.)
REN
(heard over the p.a.)
"I'm tring to do some work here."
(STIMPY goes to a panel and opens a drawer. Inside are two lboxs that are labeled MATTER and ANTI-MATTER. The matter box is empty.)
STIMPY
"It appears that there is a unblance of the matter/anti- matter blance. Such a state could destroy this ship and blow us to kingdom come in a matter of seconds. The only way I see that we can fix this problem is to reroute the flow. But then again that might just not work. We could, blab, blab, blab, some really fancy high tech sounding soultion...."
REN
"Don't explain it to me, just do it!!!"
(STIMPY thinks for a moment. He gets an idea. He coughs a hairball into the matter box thus restoring the blance. The Enterprise chugs like a car trying to start and finally does. STIMPY closes the door and walks away as the crew shouts.)
CREW
"(As STIMPY walks in front of them.) We're saved."
SCENE 17
(Back on the bridge. Everyone is at their stations.)
REN
"Captain's log. Stardate some number. Everything's okey-doky. But by the growing errie music I fear something is amiss."
STIMPY
"Captian. Something just came on radar."
REN
"Put it on the viewscreen."
(The screen is filled with a Borg ship.)
REN
"Demagnify."
STIMPY
"It is sir."
(REN's ears fall to the side.)
STIMPY
"Shall we hail them sir?"
REN
"Good idea."
(reaches for a can on a string.)
"Unknown vessel. We come in peace. Please identify yourselves before we are forced to open fire."
(No answer comes.)
REN
"Councelor Horse. What do you think?"
COUNCELOR HORSE
"Hum. (pause) No sir. I don't like it."
(The ship is hit with a laser and the ship rocks. All the bridge crew goes flying into a pile. In the pile we can see REN's lips and Mr. Horse on the top.)
MR. HORSE
"I'm sencing hostility."
REN
"No-o-o-o-o."
(The ship is rocked as one of the strings holding up the ship is shot away.)
REN
"Return fire."
(On the tactical station. Counsin Swen is at the station. He looks towards the camera and then to the control panel.)
SWEN
"Wha-hee."
(Slams his nose onto the control board and the pharser are fired. No real affect is seen to the borg ship. A hand comes out of the Borg ship and dusts off the area that was just hit.)
(Inside the Enterprise. The viewscreen flashes with light and a voice can be heard.)
VOICE
"We are the Borg. Surrender and prepare to be assimulated."
REN
"Ha! Do you think we will give up that easily? We're big, we're bad, we have really big cannons on this peace ship."
(A beam of engry is shot and toasts Ren. He then dissapears.)
STIMPY
"(With great fear in voice) Captain! (pause) That looked like it really hurt."
SCENE 18
(On the Borg ship. Ren appears and looks around first in anger then into a quick panic. Borg are coming closer to him with instermints that look real painful.)
REN
"help."
SCENE 19
(Back on the Enterprise Stimpy is standing over and studying the area that Ren dissapeared at. He jabs at it a couple of times. Stimpy looks over to the rest of the crew and just sruges his shoulder. The rest of the crew looks to the left towards the captain's chair. STIMPY also looks over to the captain's chair.)
STIMPY
"(pause) I get the captain's chair, I get the captain's
chair!"
(The crew fight over who gets to sit in the captain's chair. Just then the turboshaft opens and we see a siloiete of Ren. Stimpy reacts happily and begins to step towards him when he notices that Ren is different.)
STIMPY
"Ren!!!! You've, you're. You been assimulated."
(Shot of Hoek of Borg.)
STIMPY
"Joy."
(REN lifts up one hand and points it to STIMPY.)
REN
"You will come with me. All on this ship will be assimulated to the superior race."
CREW
"Screams of terror!!!"
STIMPY
"No, Ren. There will be no assimuling today. You're just a little tence. How about I order up a nice warm skunk milk for you and we can sit down with Mr. Horse and talk about all these new feelings that are going through you."
REN
"Ah, get away! (slaps STIMPY away) Your combination of suthing words shall not work on...
(go to a close up)
...Hoek of Borg."
MR. HORSE
"I'm senceing that the captain is no longer with us."
NARRARTOR
"As the evil Hoek of Borg..."
REN
"That's Hoek!"
NARRARTOR
"As the the evil Hoek of Borg takes control of the ship can Ensign Stimpy and the rest of the crew find a way to stop this new adversary. Can Stimpy find a way to return his captain to his normal self. Is all the human race doomed to be assimulated? Is there any sign of hope!"
(SUPERIMPOSED: To be Continued...)
(Stimpy then Ren look down at the words and then turn to the camera out of character.)
STIMPY
"Don't forget. Same time, same station."
REN
"See you next week."
(They both wave to the camera and fade to black.)
THE END