When I was a kid, we had a dog named Sam. There's a guy in my karate dojo, a friend actually, and he's named Sam. They don't look anything alike. Maybe his dog had the same name as me.

After a few drinks, not only do I drive better, but I'm pretty darn handsome too. Just don't mess with me unless you want trouble.

Maybe we had the same dog and that damn mutt was playing us for fools! He got what he deserved.

You know, without the Net, none of this would be possible.

After dinner was finished and the dishes done, my mom would ask me if I wanted some desert. Sure, I'd say. Then she'd tell me to get up and get it myself. Even as a kid I thought that was kind of strange.

Later, I tried to reason with her. Hey mom, I said, do you want a trip to Florida? Sure, she said. Well, go get a job and save the money and buy a ticket and take time off from work and fly down there, I told her. She told me to shut up and get my ice cream, smart ass, but I think she saw my point. I was about eight.

Speaking of ice cream and family, we have a ritual in mine. When my little sister chooses vanilla ice cream, my older sister leans over, sorta gets in her face, and says "BOR-ing vanilla!" This drives my little sister crazy.

To my older sister, boring = vanilla. Do you know what equals "exciting"? Yup, chocolate.

I have never died from eating Fugu.

I have never eaten Fugu.

Kinda here, kinda now, Charlie
Kinda hip, kinda WOW, Charlie
There's a fragrance and it's sure to stay
and it's here now, Charlie!
bu doop bu doop ba dap doobie da doobie da do
(found carved in a pew at the same church as "The Desiderata")

My brother and sister (exciting chocolate sister) were born on the same date, two years apart. After hearing this, people have actually asked me if they're twins.

In a previous life I was born on the same day as this one, born as a handsome, two-timing, karate-kicking dog that liked adventure and chocolate ice cream. My name? No, not Sam -- Charlie! My arch rival's name was -- no, not Sam, -- Mel Torme!

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