The EquinoxNet team is proud to welcome "acclaimed" film director Michael Bay to our adjunct staff. Working as a creative consultant, Mr. Bay is expected to help Messers Equinox and McCue turn the film page and eventual the whole of EquinoxNet into a mega blockbuster that can be spoonfed to the American public in wholly unbelievable Hans Zimmer scored goodness. In accordance with his contract, Mr. Bay will be answering reader mail from time to time, and those answers shall be poster here right in the middle of the Bay page. Having anticipated many of your questions, Equinox and McCue have compiled a set of answers to Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) that can be found by clicking any of the links below: "Are you Dominic Senna?" "Are you Simon West?" "Did you kill Don Simpson?" "... did Jerry?" "Why Nicholas Cage?" "Why Will Patton?" "Do you honestly believe shaking or banging an object will in fact fix it?" "Do you believe a good film in the future will justify the crap you're making now?" "Are Cosmonauts really that stupid?" "...are you?"

Dear Michael Bay,

Are you John Frankenheimer's bastard son?

--C.M.

I appreciate the question, I know there has been some confusion in that area. No, no, I am not the bastard son of John Frankenheimer. What should have been instrumental in your discerning this is that Frankenheimer was witty, edgy, controversial, and intelligent at the beginning of his career. It is now, in his twilight years that he is doing pathetic things like winning Golden Globes for TBS movies, directing Reindeer Games and actually considering that ho-dunk Indian Casino a place to hold a shoot out.

Though I don't know who my father is, I would have to think that he would have begun his career much like I have begun mine: demeaning the very medium that clothes me in endless yards of denim.

Sincerely,
Michael Bay