The most common complaint of subs, especially male subs, has got to be the dearth of doms. Numbers are thrown around: the ratio of subs to doms is, what, 5 to 1? 10 to 1? 20 to 1? Worse?
The most common complaint of doms, on the other hand--at least one of the most common (not being one myself, I can't say for certain)--is probably the torrent, the veritable downpour of "subs without personality." What do they mean by this?
Let's back away, for a moment, from the specifics of dominance and submission. In any endeavor, you can divide the practitioners into different groups:
The nine-to-fiver. There is no joy in this guy (forgive the gender-specificity). The job is done, it's usually done according to spec, and if it breaks, he will take it back and fix it. But that may be more trouble than it's worth...
The hack. This guy knows the ins and outs, all the tricks, all the little gadgets, and he knows what they do. He has never read the rule book, has no idea what not to do. On occasion, therefore, he will create something new, but in general, he derives his greatest enjoyment from recreating what someone else has done, without seeing the blueprints.
The craftsman. This one has done all his homework, gone through all the training. He keeps up with the latest developments, he is informed. He knows how things get put together, and why they're put together that way. He knows how to find out what people want, and they know that when he does it, it gets done right, the first time, without having to fix it repeatedly. Everyone agrees that he does good work.
And lastly...
The artist. What the craftsman does because he can, the artist does because he must. (Adapted from Emerson, I think.) He has principle, he has conviction, he has vision--and none of these matter, because they are never put down explicitly. No, he works on instinct, on intuition; he is just wired perfectly to produce art. Nobody can agree on the artist: he's too abrasive; no, how can you say that, he's just misunderstood; misunderstood--sure, that's because no one can understand it! Many artists are therefore broke.
Some are jealous of the artist--how come he gets the credit, the praise, when I do just as much work? It's true, it's completely unfair. It's why people think artists have been touched by a god--how else can you explain their abilities?
The artist differs from the nine-to-fiver in his passion. He superficially resembles the hack, but he has the vision that the latter lacks. His relationship with the craftsman is special and intimate: he knows the value of their work, and thinks it good but pedestrian, but at the same time has the nagging sensation that all he does would be worthless if not for them. In turn, they view him with an odd combination of respect, exasperation, and pity.
This list is not meant to be comprehensive; in fact, you may find it interesting to find more groups and distinctions. But I think it will serve for our discussion here.
What does all this have to do with submission?
Well, I think you can apply the above categories to subs (and doms, incidentally, but that's a matter for another essay entirely). I also think it behooves all subs, and potential subs too, to be brutally honest with themselves about this. No one who reads this will think they fall into the first category, at least not at first blush. What, me, insincere, prideless? Never! But let's take a closer look.
The nine-to-fiver sub may have pride in his submission, but doesn't take the time and care to offer something special, something that only he could provide. Some say, "But it is special, because I am submitting to her, and her alone. I will do anything she asks!" No. To be blunt, this does not provide her with anything special, it provides him with something special. These subs provide little to distinguish themselves from the general submissive background radiation humming at three degrees above absolute zero, all around the universe.
The hack sub has a few tricks in his bag. It's true that probably no one has ever had the same tricks (or ever will, for that matter), and that may be enough to lure a dom's interest, and even to keep that interest for some time, but eventually she will realize that the tricks are there for their own sake, and that's that. Examples: the sub who writes O Henry type femdom stories, but that's it. Or the sub who can mew just the right way, even when gagged--but that's it. These might stay around, just because otherwise, she has to pick from the nine-to-fivers.
The craftsman subs are the desiderata. They know what to do, and they don't overdo it, or do it at the right time. They have creativity, and can and do develop new tricks on their own, and they have a definite purpose: to turn her on. I.e., they are not there solely because they are neat tricks. These are the keepers, and they are very popular with doms. A few of them even get married.
The artists? Ah, the artists. They are not for everybody. Often, they only fit with one dom. They do not have doms banging at their door, often because only that one dom will even recognize them for what they are; the others will not recognize them as craftsmen, as hacks, or even as nine-to-fivers. They simply won't recognize them as subs at all. Who gives a shit if they get married, because it JUST DOESN'T MATTER, we are talking about one for the ages here. OK, maybe for the tax break, but that's just a legal expedient.
The short take? Find what makes you special, and hone that. Find out what makes her special, and talk about that. I won't say these are necessary things, but on the other hand you can argue all day about necessity and not find what you want, and nobody needs that.
Copyright (c) 1997 {hamlet}Ophelia