Insensible

Jared didn't realize his fists were clenching and unclenching.

"You have to relax," Tracy whispered. Soothing this time.

"I can't," Jared said, swallowing. His eyes were fixed on the wet spot on his arm. The smell of rubbing alcohol filled the air between them.

"Jared, look at me." Tracy held his right hand, slipping her hand inside it, feeling the warm sweat there.

"I can't," he said, more than a hint of panic in his voice. "Tracy, I can't." Jared tore his gaze, only to look left, away from her.

"Yes you can," Tracy told him, a little more sternly. "And you will. I know you will." She picked up the hypo and, just to make sure, flicked it one last time. "Won't you, Jared."

Finally, slowly, and without turning his head, Jared looked at her. He sucked in a breath through his teeth--licked his lips and swallowed again--then let it out in a trembling sigh. Then he nodded. "Do it," he said, his voice a hoarse whisper too. "Please Tracy...just do it."

Tracy nodded and said, "Watch." Jared's eyes followed the needle down almost hypnotically. She slid the needle in as if she had done this a thousand times before. Inside, his heart shook at the feel of the alien metal, but his only outward reaction was a stifled gasp.

Tracy waited until the drug had all worked its way into Jared's arm, then carefully withdrew the hypo, and set it aside. She looked intently at his eyes. "How do you feel, Jared?"

"All right," he replied, subdued. "A little numb."

Tracy leaned in, until her face was only an inch or two from his. "Tell me," she whispered. "Tell me about it."

Jared hesitated only a moment. "It hurt, Tracy. It felt like a knife going in. I thought it wouldn't be that bad but it was. It was such a relief when you took it out. I couldn't think, I..." Jared shook his head slowly, trying to clear it. "I think I thought it might be duller."

"It's a needle, Jared. It's supposed to be sharp, remember?"

"I remember. You told me about it and I believed it. You didn't, though, did you? You're going to tell me about it. Yes?" His head nodded slightly, until his forehead rested on Tracy's, his mouth half open so that she could feel his fast breath on her throat.

"Yes," Tracy said, bending her head under his and almost talking lightly into his mouth. She squeezed her eyes shut too; she could feel the ache, a cramp almost, swelling between her legs.

"Promise? Because I didn't think--I wouldn't do it if you didn't think it. Oh my god." He took a deep breath, lowered his eyes, unseeing now, surely slurring his words now. "I don't wanna go. You're so pretty, your eyes, you're going to talk me all the way into it, tell me right?" A pause. "Drew it. You will yes--" Then a longer pause.

"Yes, I promise," Tracy whispered, feathering kisses around Jared's limp lips, "you poor, pure boy." She cradled his head in her warm hands and gave the same kiss to his moist forehead. "Every last word."