Jealousy

You are so lovely. The way that you move together, and watch the outline of your bodies, and yes, the way that you, you specifically, dominate him. When you bind him to the chair, and you slide your nylon knee in between his helplessly spread legs, and you leer and tell him that he has to do your bidding or his balls will feel the punishment (and then you kick him anyway when he's not looking!)--I'm telling you, that is the most beautiful thing.

I want to be there. Instead. I want to replace you.

You, him, it doesn't matter; I crave that thing you have, the two of you. It makes me so crazy, and the worst thing is that you won't gloat about it. You see, I'm in love with you, both of you. I can't bear to shatter it, your glass menagerie, though I want to so bad. It's not enough to have just a taste, I need to be the one. Whichever one.

Sometimes I want to die, it hurts so much.

I could be him--I could be the one in the chair, and though I have no balls for you to crush, I could sit there with the fear in my eyes that he has when you reach for his throat. I don't want it, but I need it-- your hands squeezing softly but tightly until I cough and my eyes tear from the pain, and I'd mouth out the words, "oh god, please" but nothing would come out because of your hand, the only thing between me and god only knows what, and before I finished the last letter of "please" your mouth would be on mine, petal pushing, to suck out my pain, to inhale it.

I could be you--cruel, relentless, without pity. I'd lock you in a closet, and he'd be all mine, even more fearful now that he no longer had his mistress to save him, but a slightly off-kilter woman that he barely knew. I'd pull out a needle and press it against his skin, and I'd love those gasps he makes 'cause he's got a phobia of needles (you see, I know you so well). Press it in until just a drop of blood appears, and I'd lick it up and share it with him, the salty taste of him, all the while ignoring his needy cock, his pretty, lightly dripping cock.

I could be anyone but myself. I close my eyes and swallow. I'm alone.