One of the archetypical French romances of all time is Cyrano de Bergerac, written by the playwright Edmond Rostand. Cyrano is the quintessential French hero: articulate, romantic, dashing, physically gifted--in short, the equal of any man in any area--save physiognomy. To enjoy the play, one must willing suspend disbelief, and accept the thesis that he believed no woman would take him seriously simply because of his rather prominent proboscis.
What many people may not know is that Rostand also began work on a play entitled Soumis de Bergerac, the story of Cyrano's brother. Soumis had the handsome face his brother lacked, and was also physically talented, but he had one quite startling deformity: he had no knees. This made it impossible for him to kneel. He was also submissive. These two things made for an unpromising combination and, Rostand hoped, an engaging drama.
Rostand died before Soumis could be finished. At his death, his unwilled belongings were auctioned off to raise money; for some forty years, Soumis remained missing. Finally, a Monsieur Jean Barcolle was able to recover the incomplete manuscript, having found it jammed inside a French transcription of an obscure Greek treatise on geometry. M. Barcolle completed Rostand's play, and attempted to fund the filming of this new masterpiece, contacting even Jose Ferrer's brother Pepe at one point, but when the latter's agent reacted with indignation at the miniscule fee for which his client was being asked to perform a risky and daring role, Barcolle despondently tossed the manuscript into his fireplace.
Tragically, most of the pages were lost to fire; his maid was able to save only a handful of sheets. Sensing their importance, and not unaware of their pecuniary significance, she immediately sold them off to vacationing tourists for the ridiculous sum of 250 U.S. dollars (in today's money) per page. Some of these pages doubtless reside still in the American homes of these tourists, who remain happily uncognizant of the cultural treasure they collectively hold.
Fortunately, we have collected a sequence of five consecutive pages of the manuscript. From Barcolle's references in his correspondence, notably to a certain Monsieur Charette, we can piece together the context which introduces this scene. Here, Soumis has taken his brother's lead and is attempting to help the handsome (and physically undeformed--or is it underformed?) but inexperienced Gerard win the affections of his new-found love, the exquisitely cruel Mlle Cherise de Bartholemy.
Barcolle had, for some reason, decided to update the play somewhat, and introduced the telephone into action, possibly at a relatively late stage of composition. In any case, the present scene opens at Gerard's house, with Soumis in attendance. Gerard is on the phone, attempting to seduce Cherise by telephone. Lines for Cherise appear in the manuscript; it is unclear what her blocking is supposed to be, but presumably the actress is supposed to station herself in a box in the theater, to emphasize her height and distance from the miserable Gerard.
We would like to thank Frank Hubbard of Columbia University for furnishing us with this English translation.
GERARD. [incomplete first line] ...know how to approach her. What should
I do?
SOUMIS. I will tell you everything you need to say.
GERARD nods gravely. He picks up the phone, and dials CHERISE'S
number. [In the box,] CHERISE'S phone rings twice before she
answers it.
CHERISE. [seductively] Hello?
GERARD stammers. He looks helplessly to SOUMIS.
SOUMIS. [whispering] You must try to find out what she is like.
GERARD. [into phone] Are you...are you a dom?
CHERISE. [indignant] What?!
SOUMIS quietly slaps his forehead and shakes his head.
GERARD. [desperately] I mean, what is it like to be a dom?
CHERISE. [somewhat less shocked] Oh, it's quite enjoyable. When I
have a man under my power, and can do anything to him that I want,
I feel quite a tingle up and down my spine. Would you like to do
that to me? Make me tingle?
GERARD. [enraptured] Yes...
CHERISE. Would you put yourself at your mercy?
GERARD. [still lost] Yes...
SOUMIS cocks his head uncertainly, then puts it near the receiver
to listen in.
CHERISE. What would you do for me?
GERARD. [completely lost] Anything...
CHERISE. [a bit impatient] Tell me, then. Tell me what you would do.
I have you bound to a chair in front of me, under a bright light.
You are completely restrained, your hands, your feet, everything.
What will you do?
GERARD. [at a loss] I'll do anything to...I mean...
SOUMIS throws his hands up in disbelief, then gets up, walks away
to a discrete distance, then speaks to GERARD in hushed whispers.
SOUMIS. Tell her you start by looking around, looking around for
anyone.
GERARD. [looking uncertainly at SOUMIS, but still talking into the
phone] I start...I start by looking around, looking around for
anyone.
SOUMIS. You test your bonds, you wriggle your fingers in and out,
trying to loosen the ropes.
GERARD. I test my bonds, I...I...
SOUMIS. [exasperated] Wriggle.
GERARD. [raising his index finger in the air] I wriggle my fingers
in and out, trying to loosen the ropes.
CHERISE. [breathily] Yes...
SOUMIS. You try to bend your head down to examine the ropes binding
your ankles, but you can't quite reach...
GERARD. I try to bend my head down to examine the ropes binding my
ankles, but I can't quite reach...
CHERISE. That's right, you go ahead and do that. [She sighs.] And
what happens when I walk slowly into view?
GERARD. [covering the receiver] What happens when she walks in?
SOUMIS begins to pace back and forth.
SOUMIS. Ah, ah, you look at her for a moment...
GERARD. [still looking at SOUMIS] I look at her for a moment...
SOUMIS and CHERISE. You look at who?
GERARD. [confused] I mean, I look at you for a moment--I'm sorry, I
get all lost when I talk to you.
SOUMIS resumes pacing.
SOUMIS. And, and--but you quickly look away because her glare is so
intense, and you're afraid she'll figure you out if you stare into
her eyes.
GERARD. [trying to digest this] But I quickly look away because your
glare is so intense, and I'm afraid...I'm afraid you'll figure me
out if I stare into your eyes.
CHERISE. [getting worked up] But you can't help it, can you?
GERARD. No, I can't help looking at you.
SOUMIS. [nodding] Yes, so you give in and watch her, and it's all you
can do to keep from weeping.
GERARD. I give in and watch you, and--what?
SOUMIS. This is too difficult. [He takes the phone from GERARD.] And,
and it's all I can do to keep from weeping.
GERARD protests, but listens in on the conversation.
CHERISE. But why do you want to cry?
SOUMIS. Because I can't believe that I'm doing this for you, that I've
put myself in this situation...
CHERISE. [aroused] It's too late now...
SOUMIS. And my mouth is so dry, but I still put my lips together to say
three little words to you...
CHERISE. [almost at the brink] And what are those three words?
SOUMIS. Please, Cherise. Please.
CHERISE. [overwrought] That does it. I want you here. Now. On your
knees, in front of me.
SOUMIS. [distracted] Yes, my love.
SOUMIS and CHERISE hang up their respective phones. SOUMIS makes
for GERARD'S front door, only to be nearly run over by the latter
in his haste to leave for CHERISE'S house.
GERARD. My thanks to you, Soumis. My tutor...my friend!
GERARD leaves the house.
SOUMIS. [stopping in his tracks, dreamily] Oh, ma Cherise. [He then
realizes what has just happened.] Oh, ma Cherise!
SOUMIS breaks down. He puts his face in his hands and begins
weeping uncontrollably. He tries to fall down to his knees, but
he has none, and so only succeeds in falling flat on his face.
Curtain.
Copyright (c) 1997 {hamlet}Ophelia