Spice by Spice Girls
We're hideous! by John McPartlin
Rating: 6 out of 10
There's no escaping the inevitability of Spice Girls. Just let them wash over you like the morning tide on a secluded beach in the back of your pop-thirsty mind [oh, wonderful. TV Guide goes poetic].
If, in some people's deluded minds, Madonna can be classified as a "great artist", then a similar case can be made for Spice Girls [oh, hang on a second, I'm not liking the tone of this person].
First of all, there's more of them [there's loads more people in Madness, you know]. Second, Spice Girls' dynamite hit single "Wannabe" is better than anything Madonna has done since "Like a Virgin". [oh fucking hold on here. This is too big a point to reply to here. Please see the bottom of this review for more] Most important, Spice Girls have introduced a new catchphrase to the English language, "zigzig ha". All we ever got from Madonna was a brief lesson in Spanish and a penchant for dangerously pointy brassieres.
You don't have to openly embrace irony to love Spice Girls but, unless you're still in grammar school, it helps. Taking on face value tracks as syrupy as "Mama" or as downright silly as "If U Can't Dance" is as tough for the average well-adjusted adult as not giggling just a little bit at Spice Girl Melanie C's dedication to wearing outrageously garish track suits every day of the week.
Ultimately, however, Spice Girls' intelligent amalgamation of naíveté, cheekiness, subtle dexterity and boundless energy [actually, their manager's 'intelligent' amalgamation, but I digress]will overwhelm your best efforts to maintain indie-rock cool and you'll succumb to the Spice revolution.
If not every track here has the same immediate rush of "Wannabe", that's still okay. Think of Spice as a video game or an amusement-park ride rather than a record and you'll find yourself getting ready to play it again, man, the minute it stops its sugary spin. [alternately, think of TV Guide as the biggest bunch of shit ever published, and you'll be alright]

Why this article is the biggest bunch of crap on this website:
This reviewer is rather obviously the type of person who says, 'Madonna's a slut, therefore we hate her' and then dismisses her completely. This is sad, pathetic, and makes a person deserving of a torturous death.
To compare Spice Girls to Madonna is like comparing the Bluetones to Oasis: there's nothing to stand on. As far as the music itself goes, Spice Girls are weak little sisters to the Madonna pop machine. Madonna did the 'girl power! Don't take shit from blokes!' "Wannabe"-style dance song years ago, in the form of the much-better and more intelligent "Express Yourself". She also did a much better ode to mum, called "Promise to Try": moving, subtle, intelligent, it is everything "Mama" isn't.
Like a Virgin is one of Madonna's worst albums, to be honest. Her singing was poor and the writing was pure cheese. By the time of Like a Prayer, however, she had become the most talented female pop artist of our time.
However, many people don't really like Madonna's music, and thus wouldn't quite get this point. Which is why the second point is so important: Madonna made herself. Even early on, she cowrote songs. She didn't start with an audition for 'wannabe starlets'. She was a hard worker who did her own thing. She's managed herself from day one, and marketed herself to her liking.
When she had enough money, she started her own recording company, which is now huge. She writes many of her own songs herself, co-penning many of the rest of them. She controls the production. She controls her touring. She controls Madonna.
Spice Girls, on the other hand, are the creation of a male manager, who told them to play up certain 'personality' traits to make them distinctive. They do not control production of their work, and they don't market themselves.
In short, until Spice Girls seize their own destiny instead of playing to a male manager, they will never be in the same league as Madonna.

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