IN THE SHADOW OF LOVE

Copyright BGM 1998

When the evening falls and the daylight is fading, From within me calls - could it be I am sleeping? For a moment I stray, then it holds me completely. close to home - I cannot say. close to home - feeling so far away.

As I walk the room there before me a shadow From another world, where no other can follow. Carry me to my own, to where I can cross over ... close to home - I cannot say close to home - feeling so far away.

Forever searching; never right, I am lost In oceans of night, forever Hoping I can find memories. Those memories I left behind.

Even though I leave will I go on believing That this time is real - am I lost in this feeling? Like a child passing through, never knowing the reason. I am home - I know the way. I am home - feeling oh, so far away.

Evening Falls - Enya

It's like a spider. A dark, evil spider hanging in space and waiting to capture the insouciant fly. That fly is me ... it's going to eat me alive -- or worse yet ... if I'm not careful, it might just let me live.

It's so dark ... If I give it a fleeting look it almost disappears against the darkness of space. Save for all those tiny pinpoints of lights; the only indication of life on that dreadful installation. Each fleck a story, each spot housing a lifetime of suffering and agony. How many like me? How many there crying themselves to sleep while their Cardassian or Bajoran or Klingon master whips them to tears, or fucks them into an explosion of dark release? How many are pressing their noses against the cold glass and looking out in space at this very moment, wondering what their future holds for them?

One of those lights is gonna be me soon ... tomorrow, some poor innocent slave in my position, waiting aboard a Galor class warship with a leash strangling his neck is gonna look at that station and stare at those lights and wonder which one will be his.

And one of them will be mine, my face flattened against the thick glass -- too thick for me to break -- either crying or laughing, screaming or moaning. Too goddamn thick to heave a chair through. And even if I could, where would I go? No place to run or hide.

[Laugh] Yeah, that's a cliché if I ever heard one. 'You can run but you can't hide, Pretty Pet'. I can almost hear his voice now, calling me, taunting me, letting me play the little game until he gets tired and fucks me until I bleed. And I'd beg for it too; he knows it.

Oh you chose well, didn't you? That day, on Earth. And I'll remember that moment for the rest of my life, you bastard. I may have forgotten about the circumstances, forgot about where I was and what I was doing, but that -moment- is burned in my brain forever.

The sun was scorching, I remember that much. I knew my skin was dried, parched. I hadn't drank a droplet of water in two days and it showed. You knew it too -- you took advantage of it bastard. You weren't stupid, even then I could tell. Walking with that rogue sway of yours, walking as though every grain of sand belonged to you.

Sand?

Yes, I was on sand -- desert? I don't remember. Too long ago -- that or else I don't want to remember. But I remember -you-. I remember because the first thing I thought when I saw you was 'how can he stand the heat with that uniform?' How little did I knew, how stupid of me not to know about Cardassians. But I was young, I was dumb. Only experience I had were from my Trainers; the experience of seduction. Though I was too foolish to understand its impact ... until I saw you.

I was attracted to your exotic beauty; if only I had known ... if I had been a little wiser then, I'd have run. Suffered the lash of my masters, but anything would have been better compared to what you had in store for me.

And that's when you saw me. You saw me and your face changed. With half a brain I'd have been scared of that face -- that expression I know so well now.

Ravenous desire ... and I liked it. It excited me. It still does, and you know it. You use it every chance you get. You wanted me, and you set your mind to it. You walked over to me and gave me water, treated my skin and led me to a blissful patch of shade. I was grateful, you were my support -- my salvation. How could I see you for what you truly were? Suddenly I had this great beautiful man having a care whether I lived or died. My masters frowned, incipient protests on their lips quickly stifled when they saw who I was with. I knew then you were also powerful. You sat down in the cool sand, gathered me into your arms and we talked.

It seems so stupid now doesn't it? That we talked. You never did try to talk to me after that Elim. Why didn't you? Allah, the feel of your strong body next to mine, the sharp lines of your uniform enticing me ... I was already drawn. You hadn't even spoken a word and I was already drawn. You kissed my forehead; I remember that. I remember it because it was such a cold touch, a relief amidst the scalding heat. I think that's when you and I both knew you had me.

Now look at me. Reduced to a sex toy -- a fuck machine to be had when and where His Majesty wants to. And look at him, smiling at some private joke, watching the station just like I'm doing and probably wondering what the new Intendant is like. Allah knows what you did to Intendant Norel you bastard. I liked him. One of few Bajoran masters who was actually kind to me and you just couldn't stand for it. You made him hate you, or worse -- you made him love you. You probably manipulated your way out of his command anyway. Norel was getting too tiresome for your appetite.

Am I? Why are you keeping me Elim? What am I to you other than the sex slave you moulded me into? I've seen others come and go, pretty Humans drawn into your spell. They suffered and praised you for your affections and I've seen all of them die under your cold hand. But not me. Of all the servants and lovers you took and cast away, no one has survived as long as I. Why? Elim, look at me and tell me you love me. Maybe then I wouldn't have to think about how to kill you.

Julian Bashir sighed and turned away from the Cardassian, staring bleakly out of his own viewport as the Galade made its way slowly to station Terok Nor. He ignored the fleeting glance Garak gave him, oblivious to the odd light flickering across the azure depths of his Cardassian master.

Look at him. The martyr. Theatrical drama right there ladies and gentlemen, tragedy in its agonising truth unfolding right before your very eyes. A lot more strength behind those deceptively guileless eyes than he lets on, I can tell you that. Why does he think I keep around for so long? Oh Julian, my precious, my pretty ... do you have any idea how strongly I feel for you?

No, perhaps you don't at that. I can't help but to keep my feelings guarded, safe behind a thousand locks and a thousand more hounds. If I let them free, it would be the end of me. I would drown in sensation ...

Oh dear Gul how you feel sweet under my hands, moving and writhing in pain and ecstasy, your lovely features crumpling in agony as the touch of leather caresses your exotic skin. And I can do nothing more than watch in helpless fascination, oblivious to my own ministrations as I study the picture you make when we are together, your long svelte body twisting and coiling about itself, your delicately long fingers holding on to the fabric beneath you like a lifeline. And oh, at such moments I feel my soul twist in a fashion never encountered before. And it frightens me. Why do you frighten me, Julian Bashir?

Ah well. I suppose I'll never figure it out; the subtle mysteries of love. It's an inevitable prison, shackles destined to bound my heart, and I have no wish to place myself in that position.

So why do I keep him around? A fleeting chance to gaze into those soulful eyes and lose myself, if not for a moment, in the essence of him? Is he more to me than a servant? Other than a beautiful man whose body I possess and bend to my own desires?

Gul ... I can feel the stirring at my groin. I'm getting weak ... weak with age, but most of all weak with wisdom. The precious wisdom I gathered after I met you, that delightfully sunny afternoon in New Khartoum, on Earth. Your beautiful land ... I was enchanted by the picture you drew; young, slender, skin the colour of Derokanar in bloom and eyes so piercing and innocent. There was no power in the universe which would have forced me away at that moment my pretty Julian. You were mine the moment my eyes found you, and you knew it. But to tell you so, to stare into your beautiful eyes and confess my love to you ... that is something I will never do. And this I swear to my grave.

Elim Garak sighed and glanced reproachfully at his groin. Painfully hard with need; this would not be appropriate show for the new Intendant - not at all. He turned to his left, saw his servant's slightly relaxed form, resting in his seat as he watched the stars pass by; a little child watching the rain drizzle against a window. He cleared his throat and stood, tugging the leash he always kept coiled around his fist.

"My pretty Pet ..." he cooed, his lips curving into that smile of his, the demeaning diminutive stabbing through Julian's deepest core.

Ravenous desire, Julian thought, imagining Garak's face without actually looking up. Again, thrice in the same day and with barely a respite to catch his breath in between, Julian prepared himself to please his owner once more. And I wish I could take pleasure in that.

He stood mutely, the leather collar he wore loosening as he approached his master, the shrinking of distance slackening the hold. "Yes Gul," he murmured, his eyes cast to the floor even as his blood pounded across his ears, deafening him, Garak's request passing almost unheard.

"I wish you to satisfy me before we dock at Terok Nor," he grinned insidiously, studying the Human's response very carefully.

There was a fractious widening of Julian's eyes. Terok Nor had been no more than five minutes away, if he trusted his distances. Now Garak was asking him to relieve him -- a Cardassian -- in that short amount of time? Allah be with me, Julian thought as he sank smoothly to his knees.

"Is there a particular preference Gul," he asked, his tone dull, the question almost automatic. He was idly aware that any one of Garak's crew could intrude upon their affairs at any time, the idea not so shocking now as it had been ten years ago. That long?

Approving, Garak smiled and waved graciously at his groin. "Surprise me."

The tug at his collar still present, always reminding him what and in whose company he was, Julian swallowed hard, the lump in his throat passing not so smoothly behind the press of his collar. His hands trembled ever so slightly as they reached for the tight black trousers, a fine tremor which he quickly smothered as his actions grew bolder, more confident. He unclasped the fastenings with practised ease, slipped the hard scaly penis out and barely took a second to admire its existence before slipping it into his hot demanding mouth.

A wave of familiar disgust promptly rolled through him, a feeling born not from the act itself, but from the ease with which he obeyed to it, submitted to the command. He suppressed the urge to look up, knowing already what was etched on his master's face. A look of triumph, mixed with lust and pleasure. He had seen it enough times to have it etched in his mind. He hated it, yet took some odd comfort from it, knowing it was the only sort of love available to him -- aware that he had not survived this long was it not for some small shred of longing from the Cardassian himself.

"Yesssss," Garak hissed, the familiar reptilian sound vibrating deep in his throat, his hands convulsively tightening into the Human's long dark locks as Julian nibbled and sucked at the tough organ, hard muscled hips thrusting thoughtlessly against him. Yet he knew the tricks with which to bring the Cardassian a quick release, and was applying every one of them at the moment, ignoring the rattle of his chain, the cool metal brushing against his partially bare back, the leather collar tightening as blood began pumping furiously through his own body.

He used his teeth, his tongue, his nails, everything to simulate the seemingly stubborn sex. Finally he reached around the Cardassian's ass and pulled firmly, surpressing his gag reflex as he took the entire length of his master's erection. Tears streamed alongside his face, most of it from physical pain, some from inner demons laughing and picking aimlessly at his position. He was aware of the tight Cardassian muscles stiffening under his hands, felt the creamy fluid spilling down his throat as he struggled not to drown. Finally the powerful orgasm withered, and so did Garak's sex. Thanking Allah that Garak had been sensitive to a quick release, Julian eased the organ out of his mouth and collected his breath as he meticulously slipped the limp organ inside the Cardassian's trousers.

When all was clean and tidy, he shuffled back, still on his knees, and waited. Still the tears fell, this time from shame. It was familiar to him though; a wave of shame always pushed through him after a session with Garak. And this, he suspected, was what the Cardassian enjoyed most.

He felt his chin being raised and he stared dispassionately at the hard Cardassian features. He is beautiful, Julian thought. Hypnotising blue eyes ... "You did not seem to enjoy yourself my Pet," Garak mused, mockingly concerned for his servant's considerations. "Perhaps next time it will not be so one-sided," he added, a sadistic gleam in his eyes as he tugged harshly at the leash. Julian yelped and winced, blood filling his head, his thoughts in a frenzy of incoherence.

"Gul ..." he whispered raggedly.

"Silence," Garak hissed and took a deep breath. "We've arrived." He cast his servant a suffering look and uttered an irritating noise. "On your feet, slave. As much as I enjoy seeing you at my feet, the Intendant may not appreciate seeing you trail behind on your knees."

He watched as Julian rose slowly, as smoothly as a cat as he stretched long limbs. "And who knows ... After the meeting with the Intendant is over," he purred, caressing the smooth jaw. "Perhaps we could prolong today's pleasure a bit more. Would you like that my pretty Pet?"

"I serve my Gul," was all Julian replied, unaware of Garak's disparaging look as he studied the floor intently.

"Come," he ordered, tugging at the thin chain. "Time to face our new Intendant," he singsonged, his laugh wispy as they exited the imposing vessel.

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