CHAPTER 16: LEARNING TO BECOME A BUM.

Burke awoke with the sun on his face, and the wind slapping his neck tie across his cheeks. The insides of his lips were glued to his gums. The sunroof, and windows were down on the Lexus exposing him to both intense sunshine and highway wind. To his right the green blur of summer cornfields rushing by; to the left Sunni at the wheel. She had changed into travel attire, tee-shirt and jeans. Her hair was tucked under a green scarf; she was wearing dark sun-glasses.

She looked over at him "Hello Bany, how did you sleep?" she asked.

"Where are we?"

"Just passed Effingham"

"Effingham? Sunni, I told you that I wasn't going to the wedding."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. It's OK though, I called in for you, Maggie's handling everything."

Burke felt too horrible to pursue the issue right now, he needed to rally. He starred out at the corn. As the minutes passed he came back alive again; realizing what needed to be done.

"We've got to stop very soon. I need to freshen up, get a soda, and use the phone. How long until the next town?" he asked.

"Shouldn't be too long."

They drove on for a while and then Sunni pulled into a gas station. Burke threw her his wallet. If you're going to con, plunder, and swindle, the least you can do is fill it up. There are a few cards in there that you can use. He promptly went to the phone and proceeded to plug in his calling card numbers.

"Hello Maggie?"

"Banyon-is that you?"

"Yeah"

"I didn't expect to hear from you for a few weeks."

"Weeks?"

"Well yes, you are going to be out of town for a while right?"

"What did She tell you?"

"Now don't worry about a thing Banyon. I know how you work. I've already taken care of everything. I've told anyone concerned that you were doing highly confidential research for the steering committee. It's all set. I will run interference on your Voice and E-mail. All of your non-essential appointments..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... wait. You countermanded my job on the casual conversation of an out of town painter?"

"Sunni is a great friend and an artist Burke."

"Yeah a con-artist."

"I can see that the two of you are going to have a fabulous time! Now you go on and have fun; try not to worry too much OK?....Uh-oh! Gotta go, Arthur just walked in. I'll give him a good story-bye!" (Click)

Burke starred out in disbelief. In another moment of bewilderment, he saw the Lexus pulling away very quickly, it's wheels kicking up a rooster-tail of dust. "Hey wait stop-it.. This is not funny Sunni! Wait." Burke dropped the phone and went tearing across the blacktop onto the road as fast as his legs would take him. As soon as he was out of earshot, the phone at the gas station began ringing, over and over and over. Burke could not hear it though. He was still focused on the speeding car. The Lexus disappeared behind a hill down the road and was gone. Burke kept up the pace for another thirty seconds before realizing that it was futile. He stumbled on a stone and fell face first into the gravel shoulder of the road. The world smacked him sharply, dirt and rock stinging angrily on his palms and fore head. For a moment stayed head down while he did a quick assessment of his damage. His palm was scraped and bleeding. She will pay for this. There was gravel inside the wound. He looked down in amazement at the gravel. Then he looked down at gravel on the road. It was astonishing. So full of color. It had been years since he had encountered anything natural; that wasn't white collar created or ordered. This was something real. Not virtual. Not media based. So was the stinging pain.

Slowly he got himself up and dusted off the road. He was feeling anger now. It was no longer a game. He felt impotent without his cellular phone, laptop, credit cars, and Lexus. It was time for this nonsense to end; he did not want to play anymore. Like a spoiled child he wanted to collect his toys and go home. There he stood on the highway for a moment. Detached and dejected; but most of all disoriented. It had been a long time since life was an improvised set of processes. Burke went back to the gas station and left two voice mail messages for Maggie. He sat on the stool in the phone booth and starred down the road in disbelief. The old woman who was working the register strolled out. She seemed amused at her assessment of Burke's situation. "She left you eh?"

"Yeah."

"That's what happens when you take up with the wrong woman. Seems to be happening more and more though. You're the second guy this week that has been abandoned here. 'Cept the other guy wasn't so good looking. Don't worry honey, you'll have no trouble finding a woman to take care of you."

"Thanks."

"I mean it." She paused as if to consider her next sentence. "Why you could even stay here if you want. I can always find something for you to do. Can't say that I can pay much, but there other benefits." She winked suggestively at Burke. Her appearance reminded Burke of Benjamin Franklin. YIKES!!!

Burke stood up and without another word, began walking southward toward Wakefield. From behind he heard her exclaim to herself. "Well it was worth a shot."

It was a beautiful day for a walk. Although the circumstances were forced upon Burke, a part of him was secretly rejoicing to be out in the world again. The sun and the wind that annoyed him at seventy miles an hour now were his traveling companions. As he walked along he pictured where he would be at the office-year 2000 update meeting. That was one he was surly glad to miss, having attended year 2000 update meetings twice a month for the last two years. His life there had become so routine, that he pretty much knew where he would be at any given moment. He thought of Maggie. The thought of her made him smile. She had never ever let him down, left him or stalked him-well maybe with the morning's office coffee. But she watched over him, and kept him connected. She always knew what he needed, even if it was letting a bit of wind out of his sail. It seemed at times that she knew him better than he knew himself. He wished she understood his predicament now and was coming to the rescue.

An eighteen wheeler pulled up alongside Burke and interrupted his thoughts on Maggie. "Hey Buster-you need a ride?" The driver asked.

"Where are you going?" asked Burke.

"Peduca. How far are you going?"

"Wakefield."

"That's close, get in."

Burke obligingly climbed into the cab. He had never been in one of these before either. Well, at least today he would get a break from the routine. The truck began to roll as the truck driver broke the silence. "So you're a little dressed up for hitch hiking" he said. "Most guys that I pick up in suits have been wearing them for weeks. That one looks like you've only had it on for a day or two."

"I'm not a homeless person, this suit cost me nine-hundred dollars. My car got stolen and I'm going to find it."

"Stolen you say. Did you call the police?"

"Well no, my friend stole it."

"I know exactly what you mean pal. I got friends like that too. One night I came home and three of the guys that I used to bowl with were drillin' my wife Beatrice. Turns out one of them stole her away, not only that but my dog too! It's a low thing to do to steal a mans wife, and dog. The dog was trained for hunting, she was a good dog, and Bea would bring me a beer anytime I asked so I guess you could say that she was trained too."

"What kind of dog?"

"She was mostly lab. I don't know. We were sittin' on the front porch a few summers ago when my neighbor comes over and says 'your dog is locked.' Do you know what it means when one dog gets locked up with another?"

"No."

"It means that you can squirt 'em with the hose and chase 'em with a rake, but they ain't coming apart for a while. Damned if they don't try though. That darn dog was always getting locked with one of the neighborhood mutts-ass to ass. Well anyway I kept some of the pups. There was this white one. The only one in all them puppies over the years. She looked like a little polar bear. I kept her. Trained her. Wrestled with her. Man I loved that dog! The she ends up leaving with Beatrice and Harry. I still love her-she let me down."

"Beatrice?"

"No man Bear the dog—we were talkin' about the dog right? Beatrice was all right too but she was no beauty. She did have a nice set of bags on her though; till they started goin'. South that is. Way south--hangin' down by her waist. Not that I minded, don't get me wrong I'm a boob man-what did you say your name was?"

"I didn't. It's Burke."

"Glad to meet you Burke. People call me Tuna-wanna know why?"

"Ah no." Burke was in no mood for this mans sordid little world. "Go on with your story."

"OK, I'll tell you my real name is Charlie. Get it? Charlie?"

"Go on Tuna."

"Oh yes, Beatrice and the dog. Well there really isn't much more to say. They were saggy. Harry don't even hunt so I don't know why he's gotta have my hunting dog. Are you a boob man Burke? Hey Burke are you all right?" Burke's hangover was beginning to peak. It was quite obvious to Tuna.

"Yeah, just a little hung over."

"Yeah travel does that to you. Here take one of these. It'll help."

"What is it?"

"Just a truck driver hangover cure. Go on. It's safe. You'll be feeling better in no time at all." Burke examined the pill. It looked very much like an aspirin.

"Got any water?"

"Na go on. Take it dry like a man. You don't need any water for that little tiny pill. Your not some kind of wossie boy are you."

"Hell no." Burke swallowed the pill dry. It stuck to the back of his palette and he almost vomited trying to scrape it off the back of his throat with his finger. Tuna watched and laughed. "I hate when that happens. Sure is funny when it happens to other folks though. I like you Burke. You ain't from around here are you?"

"No."

"Me either. I'm too worldly for this rural area. I like the city life myself."

"Which city."

"Why Effingham of course. How about you. You seem like a city guy yourself."

"Uh-yes. Chicago."

"Chicago! You don't say. Hey that a great city, except they don't have a lot of country music in that town. But they do know how to get down in that city. Man do they party there. I guess I don't have to tell you Burkie-boy judging by the way you look. Man how do you keep going like that all the time. That night life will kill you if you don't slow down. Man you look bad if I do say so myself."

Burke didn't feel like talking. He was hungover and angry about being discarded out on highway 57 like an empty french-fry bag. He just wanted a few minutes of peace to get his head together. He just want this guy to shut-the-hell-up. SHUT-THE-HELL-UP! But he kept it inside while Tuna kept on rambling on about places he'd been and girls he'd known. After a while Tuna stopped asking questions of Burke, the finally let go of any hope of feedback from his scraggly looking passenger. The gentle rocking of the rig and Tuna's monotone made Burke sleepy again. He was not feeling well but tried to stay conscious and coherent; failing miserably.

Slowly the world came back into the forefront from the disenchanting dreams that Burke had experienced. He opened his eyes and not finding his bedroom ceiling, but the ceiling of the truck. He tried to nod off again but kept getting annoyed by a housefly that kept landing on his lip. He needed to reorient to his present situation. It was night time, and he was being shaken by somebody. "Hey slick....slick...slick you all right?"

"Huh"

"Are you all right slick? You don't know me but I own this rig. I'm about to head off to Amarillo. You can go if you want to. I just wanted to check with you before I left though."

"Where am I?"

"You're in Peducah."

"Where?"

"Peducah, Kentucky. Actually a few miles south of Peducah."

"How did I get there?"

"You fell asleep in Tuna's cab. We tried to wake you, 'bout did everything this side of stand you on your head. Man you are one deep sleeper! While you were out we moved you to my cab. Tuna said that you might be wanted for car theft. I don't want no trouble. Is that true? "

"He said what? It was my car that got stolen. Where is Tuna?" Burke asked. He was quite disoriented.

"He had to make a quick run back to Effingham. Beatrice was having trouble with the law again. Common Law that is!--haw haw!" The man chucked a mostly toothless laugh.

Burke looked out and tried to get some feeling about his location. It was black. Absolute black; except for a few neon lit signs and buildings across the parking lot. A highway sign on an enormous pole said:

Dela's Dixie Diner

Hauling' Haven.

Truck stop.

Showers.

His thoughts were interrupted by the driver again. "So are you going to Amarillo or not?"

"No, I've got to go north to Wakefield."

"Wish I could help you slick, but I've got to stay on schedule. You can use the showers at Dela's, and Tuna left this for you. He handed Burke a lunch bag. Looking inside he found a piece of fried chicken and a biscuit. Burke look down at his watch to see what time it was. His watch was gone.

"Hey my watch! He took my watch!" Burke said in amazement.

"Mr. You didn't have no watch when me and Tuna and moved you. It was gone. When was the last time you looked at it?"

"I don't remember."

"Well then there you have it. I didn't take it and I'm sure Tuna didn't either. Tuna is one honest hombre. People steal from him. In fact one guy took his dog."

"He gave me something that put me to sleep and took my watch."

"What are you talking about? You better be careful about what you're sayin'" The truck driver was showing signs of agitation.

"He gave me a pill and I slept for hours."

"Knowing Tuna he gave you an aspirin. I told you Tuna ain't like that. He's honest Mr. He don't fool with no drugs and stuff. I know he don't believe in them. He stopped and tried to help you that's all--and that's the thanks he gets. Why he even gave you part of his dinner."

Burke was feeling ashamed, and yet unsatisfied with the man's explanation. "I'm-I'm sorry. Thanks for you help" he said and got out. He cautiously began walking through the neighborhood of parked Semi's toward Dela's with a chicken leg in hand and a lot of unanswered questions.